Lodger and booby traps

[Hoppygolightly]

Hi

I have had a lodger for the past year , clean tidy and shares house.

I have an ensuite so she generally has main bathroom to herself. She does not I stress have an ensuite , she shares main bathroom and usually has to herself

In the past year a handful if visitors have used the main bathroom and this really upsets her and she will then loudly and obviously start cleaning it and disinfecting it and sighing , this could be when someone has just washed their hands , I'm not talking about leaving a filthy toilet etc

Realised yesetrday she has wedged toilet paper in the bathroom door so she can see if ils been opened and toilet paper around the toilet seat so she can see if it has been lifted

Hasn't spoken to me about any of this, if someone's used that bathroom she will clean up noisily, spray air freshener everywhere and not speak to me for a while

I know it's weird , I can't stop visitors using the main bathroom unless I tell them to use my ensuite , had a friend over at the weekend and did actually do that so as not to cause issues ..but they look at me like I'm crazy

Apart from this she is great, but I'm thinking it's bloody odd , it makes visitors feel really awkward !

No but some people are understanding and some people aren't. OP seems to like this person. I wonder if you'll have some mental health in the future... I wonder if other people will treat you with the same distain!

I'm not treating anyone with disdain. If neither the OP or the lodger are happy with the current arrangement, and the lodger won't accept that the bathroom will be shared then they need to find alternative lodgings that are suitable. The lodger doesn't seem to be at all understanding towards the OP and the agreement that they had.

Exactly. The lodger rented a room with a shared bathroom (which isn't used that much by others but is still shared). She did not rent a room with a private bathroom. She's paying rent for a room with shared bathroom which is a lot cheaper than having a private bathroom. So she cannot expect to have a private bathroom at that rent, no matter what mental health issues she has.
If she has OCD and can't handle other people's germs, she absolutely shouldn't have rented a room with a shared bathroom and should have looked for somewhere else with a private bathroom.

Say "Hello Lodger...need to clear something up. I don't know what has prompted this ...you are generally a good lodger which i thank you for but i need to let it be known that the ensuite is for your use but the main bathroom is for guests, please do not make guests uncomfortable by loudly cleaning it ...it is my home & it makes guests uncomfy , you have been provided with a bathroom solely for your use. I also noticed you had put toilet roll in the door to see who has used it. Please stop doing this. Thanks."

@angelfacecuti75

The ensuite isn't for the lodger's use at all!

I’ve read the full thread and I’d say give her notice. I’m getting‘Single White Female’ vibes. She’s unhinged.

I'm afraid that she is BU. If it were her en suite then I'd say she wasn't, but it's the main bathroom in the house and open to visitors.

I am glad you brought it up with her. Don't let her annexe the bathroom, it's your house.

You’re not being unreasonable BUT a clean tidy lodger who pays their rent on time is gold. Sometimes people who make good lodgers are also not fans of change/disruption. I’d leave her be and offer guests the en-suite.

She could also be neurodivergent and might appreciate the accommodation.

She might appreciate it but she doesn't have a right to something that she isn't paying for and OP doesn't want to provide!

Oh ye gods and little fishes! Did you read the thread? En suite is not for the use of the lodger.

It's irrelevant whether she's neurodivergent or not. She rented the room on the basis of access to a shared bathroom which would be mainly, but not solely for her use. She pays rent on that basis too.
If her neurodivergence means that she struggles with a shared bathroom she should have found a place with a bathroom for her sole use (which would have cost more) or unfortunately, simply have to suck up using the shared bathroom if she couldn't afford more.
She doesn't get to pay shared bathroom rates and get exclusive use of a bathroom and get huffy with the OP when guests use said shared bathroom.

OP is not running some kind of sheltered accommodation at a cheap rate for neurodiverse people or people with mental health issues or people who have a combination of both.

Yes, she could also be neurodivergent, she could be a lot of things but none of them mean that she can rent a room and lay claim to sole use of parts of the house over time that were not in the initial agreement, and use passive aggressive tactics to go about it.

It would not be reasonable of her to expect the OP to stop the infrequent visitors to her home from using the main bathroom, even if she would appreciate the accommodation to her wishes. Neurodivergent or not.

Wonder if the "she could be neurodivergent" posters make the same excuse for those cheeky buggers who encroach on people's land, inch by inch till they claim it as theirs? Not sure I have ever heard a judge excuse land theft as "they could be ND, we will give them a pass".

She is an entitled cheeky woman, who wants more than she is paying for.

Update to say

She has moved out, all quite amicable.

When I saw the state of her room and saw she had trashed some of the furniture in it, I was pretty glad!.

Plates and glasses I thought were in her room , she had actually smashed a while back it turns out.

Also left a years worth of food crumbs under the bed and rotting food in the fridge, but the main thing is that she has gone, so thanks everybody.

Done a deep clean and replaced the furniture in there!

Great news. Well done. Nightmare person.

Glad she has moved on without any trouble OP - better luck next time ☘

Thank goodness she has gone. Seems a bit ironic that someone with such huge issues about who used a bathroom was a mucky cow in private!

Yes that is exactly what I thought!

Good riddance,best of luck to whoever she's moving in with.

Fantastic news

That’s fab news! Sorry she left such a mess.

what a weirdo

do you know if she found anywhere as cheap

She asked a family friend of hers if she could stay with them short term I believe

Good bloody riddance.
Making such a drama about the bathroom and germs and then living in filth in her own room and smashing stuff.
Just shows she really was just being a cheeky fucker wanting a private bathroom for the price of a room with shared bathroom.