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Original poster

Lodger and booby traps

510 replies

Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 15:25

Hi

I have had a lodger for the past year , clean tidy and shares house.

I have an ensuite so she generally has main bathroom to herself. She does not I stress have an ensuite , she shares main bathroom and usually has to herself

In the past year a handful if visitors have used the main bathroom and this really upsets her and she will then loudly and obviously start cleaning it and disinfecting it and sighing , this could be when someone has just washed their hands , I'm not talking about leaving a filthy toilet etc

Realised yesetrday she has wedged toilet paper in the bathroom door so she can see if ils been opened and toilet paper around the toilet seat so she can see if it has been lifted

Hasn't spoken to me about any of this, if someone's used that bathroom she will clean up noisily, spray air freshener everywhere and not speak to me for a while

I know it's weird , I can't stop visitors using the main bathroom unless I tell them to use my ensuite , had a friend over at the weekend and did actually do that so as not to cause issues ..but they look at me like I'm crazy

Apart from this she is great, but I'm thinking it's bloody odd , it makes visitors feel really awkward !

OP posts:
Fooodie · 20/05/2023 20:16

She's obviously not a germaphobic if her own room is a mess. Does she behave that way if she has visitors? It sounds like she feels entitled to exclusive use of this bathroom, regardltess of what you agreed. I would use the main bathroom at least once a day and if she objects to it, I would ask her to leave as she is no longer a good fit. She seems to think that she's the house owner, not you. If she is otherwise a good tenant, I would review and ammend her tenancy agreement as her behaviour is not acceptable as things stand.

StrawberriesSW1 · 20/05/2023 20:25

I know this is a lodger not a tenant under AST but the general theme is that the tenant is king. So she might be taking that on board.

Pinkbonbon · 20/05/2023 20:28

Fooodie · 20/05/2023 20:16

She's obviously not a germaphobic if her own room is a mess. Does she behave that way if she has visitors? It sounds like she feels entitled to exclusive use of this bathroom, regardltess of what you agreed. I would use the main bathroom at least once a day and if she objects to it, I would ask her to leave as she is no longer a good fit. She seems to think that she's the house owner, not you. If she is otherwise a good tenant, I would review and ammend her tenancy agreement as her behaviour is not acceptable as things stand.

It doesn't always work that way.

She can be fine with what she condisers 'her own' germs. She may be fine with mess but not dirt. Or the phobia may only be bathroom cleanliness related (eg: sharing toilets or showers). Some people with ocd don't have the germphobic side but have intrusive thoughts that tell thrm if they don't do something (eg: keep toilets clean) something bad will happen.

So you can be messy and have ocd.
And you can be messy and germphobic.

Mrsgreen100 · 20/05/2023 20:29

If you want to keep the rent low , new lodger pays rent , then 25 percent separately for bills
or a weekly amount for cleaning etc
cleaning products loo roll etc
get the monthly amount up a bit .
think your current lady has a germ phobia
I hate sharing bathrooms tbh
more so now with covid .

psalmody · 20/05/2023 20:29

The definition of a lodger is that they share common facilities in your home. They shouldn't have exclusive use of anything more than their room. It would be good to nip this in the bud as soon as possible. I would also suggest you arrange room checks that require their room to be clean and tidied for the check. I just have had to give notice to a long term lodger who didn't like us having visitors that shared the main bathroom, but more importantly kept his room so messy that we have had to ditch pretty much everything now we have seen the true state he left. The advice is that there are clear boundaries in your own home, regular room checks so you can stop anything escalating. Hope you can resolve it to your satisfaction.

CaroleSinger · 20/05/2023 20:35

I'd just be a little careful she doesn't drag thus out and never give you a proper date. You could be messing about like this for months.

Leila2022 · 20/05/2023 20:50

This reply has been deleted

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Mollygoodgolly · 20/05/2023 21:21

People are very weird. I have a lodger and we have one shared bathroom. He puts a toilet roll on his personal shelf with the inside taken out. I can only think this is to make it clear that it is HIS toilet roll and not to be shared. I had another lodger who used a whole toilet roll a day. I don't have a personal relationshhip with these strange people thank God, but it's amazing how many people have strange fetishes. I thank the Lord above that I'm normal.

Leila2022 · 20/05/2023 21:27

You clearly have a very poor understanding of what OCD is.

have a look on the OCD action website and educate yourself !

joycies · 20/05/2023 21:34

Since she knows this bathroom is not for her sole use, you either tell her she is making your visitors uncomfortable or you say nothing and take no notice.
Since she will be there living in your pocket perhaps it's easier to say nothing - all for peace and harmony. On the bright side, she is keeping the bathroom super clean !

Catdaddy1978 · 20/05/2023 21:35

I’d ask her if she’s ok. It sounds like some kind of OCD. Just politely remind her it’s a shared bathroom and to refrain from putting toilet paper under the seat or the door as it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Madein1978 · 20/05/2023 22:32

10:1 this is a mental health thing. So you probably need to decide whether you have the resources to deal with and live with that, or not, because you won't be able to instruct or shame or negotiate it away. It will likely go nowhere.

I am like your lodger, so I think know what it is. The intrusion into space she feels she needs to be able to rely on being 'safe', whatever that means to her, is severely distressing her. It sounds as though she is so upset by it, she's willing to risk being asked to leave because of her unacceptable behaviour.

If I were in your position, I would invite her kindly and openly to a completely accusation-free conversation in which you say you've noticed she's upset by use of the main bathroom, and you want to make the situation workable for you both if possible. I would hear her concerns in full, and I would then explain gently that you see where she's coming from, but the two of you need to reach a compromise if she's to stay. Then as what she can suggest in terms of compromise.

Daisypp · 20/05/2023 22:56

I have had lodgers intermittently over the last 10 + years. I have a very simple contract which states that they have sole use of the bathroom except when I have guests in the other bedroom on the top floor when they will use the bathroom. I always let them know when a guest is staying. I have never had a problem. Her behaviour is unacceptable.

JacquiG2 · 20/05/2023 23:48

We leave a box of Kleenex disposable handwipes in our (one) bathroom as I don't like other people using our towels. If they ask to use the loo I tell them they are by the wash basin please use them. Nobody minds and I think it is more hygienic.

JeepsCreeps · 21/05/2023 00:19

No you're not unreasonable. There's a lot of third party gleeful indignation in here though. I wouldn't assume anything around your lodgers intentions when she's cleaning, and I wouldn't have a finger wagging moment like many here are leaping towards. You'd just look petty and eager to distribute a telling off.

Maybe it'd be considerate to check in with her, see if anythings bothering her. If she says it's other people using the bathroom, then manage that kindly. If someone you normally know to be qiote rational is behaving differently then usually something is up. Kindness all the way is my vote!

alexdgr8 · 21/05/2023 02:41

agree with 2bazookas.
get her out, asap.
and watch your back.
she sounds unstable.
lock your bedroom door.
when in it, and out.
good luck.

Madein1978 · 21/05/2023 03:30

It's very possible, in fact common, to be afraid of germs and yet fail to clean, or to be afraid of germs only in one context. Mental illness is not logical. That's kind of the point.

Madein1978 · 21/05/2023 03:33

Love this answer :)

wafflyversatile · 21/05/2023 03:34

While it's true the bathroom is the main bathroom I think people are being a little harsh.psychologically is it is 'de facto her bathroom'. If she or her guests suddenly started using your bathroom it would probably feel like an invasion of your privacy. You're used to it being your personal space. If you only had one bathroom or if you regularly used the main bathroom it probably wouldn't feel so much like an intrusion on her personal space when your guests use it.

Then covid has made some people a bit hypervigilant about hygiene.

Regardless of why you're here, you're here so you need to have a chat.

Premiumchange · 21/05/2023 07:02

wafflyversatile · 21/05/2023 03:34

While it's true the bathroom is the main bathroom I think people are being a little harsh.psychologically is it is 'de facto her bathroom'. If she or her guests suddenly started using your bathroom it would probably feel like an invasion of your privacy. You're used to it being your personal space. If you only had one bathroom or if you regularly used the main bathroom it probably wouldn't feel so much like an intrusion on her personal space when your guests use it.

Then covid has made some people a bit hypervigilant about hygiene.

Regardless of why you're here, you're here so you need to have a chat.

You’re a bit late to the party. It’s dealt with. It never was “de facto” this woman’s bathroom because she wasn’t paying for it and it has never been part of the deal.

Mugaloaf · 21/05/2023 07:30

sillyonehetpes · 18/05/2023 16:10

This is often the case.

If she's good just ask guests to use your bathroom.

Oh you don't like that.... well maybe she doesn't either

Why should OP do this? It's her home and the main bathroom is not for the lodger's exclusive use.

GabriellaMontez · 21/05/2023 07:45

MarkWithaC · 20/05/2023 12:59

OP, how about looking for a part-time Monday to Friday lodger? You could keep under the £625 threshold and have the advantage of having the place to yourself at weekends.
I'm not sure what you could charge, but I'd guess in a nice Bloomsbury flat people would be willing to pay the £625, or as close as dammit.

Brilliant idea.

blondiepigtails · 21/05/2023 08:27

Ask her politely if there is a problem as there is toilet paper everywhere. Puts the emphasis back on her to explain herself. You then get to explain your side!

Wildgardener · 21/05/2023 08:28

Does she provide the loo paper, towels and soap?

GrannyWeatherwax23 · 21/05/2023 08:44

She's in the wrong, obviously, but she won't change - nearly 100 percent certainty, people never do.

Talk to her and she will likely either sulk or have a melt down, so either put up with it (I wouldn't but that's up to you) and get used to telling guests to use your toilet, or talk to her and expect it to blow up and become a big issue which ends in her leaving.

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