Page 18 | Lodger and booby traps

Hoppygolightly · 2023-05-18T14:25:17+00:00

Hi I have had a lodger for the past year , clean tidy and shares house. I have an ensuite so she generally has main bathroom to herself. She does not I stress have an ensuite , she shares main bathroom and usually has to herself In the past year a handful if visitors have used the main bathroom and this really upsets her and she will then loudly and obviously start cleaning it and disinfecting it and sighing , this could be when someone has just washed their hands , I'm not talking about leaving a filthy toilet etc Realised yesetrday she has wedged toilet paper in the bathroom door so she can see if ils been opened and toilet paper around the toilet seat so she can see if it has been lifted Hasn't spoken to me about any of this, if someone's used that bathroom she will clean up noisily, spray air freshener everywhere and not speak to me for a while I know it's weird , I can't stop visitors using the main bathroom unless I tell them to use my ensuite , had a friend over at the weekend and did actually do that so as not to cause issues ..but they look at me like I'm crazy Apart from this she is great, but I'm thinking it's bloody odd , it makes visitors feel really awkward !

dc1001 · 21/05/2023 12:48

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DizzyBrunette1979 · 21/05/2023 14:58

Why don't your guests use your loo and her guests use her loo? It's disconcerting when a stranger uses your toilet.

WilkinsonM · 21/05/2023 15:07

DizzyBrunette1979 · 21/05/2023 14:58

Why don't your guests use your loo and her guests use her loo? It's disconcerting when a stranger uses your toilet.

Because it's not her loo?!

Eleganz · 21/05/2023 15:13

All can be sorted out with a direct and clear discussion with the lodger. It is a communal facility that she has access to, presumably just like the kitchen. She can't treat it has her own bathroom not can she make an issue out of guests to the house using it.

CabernetSauvignon · 21/05/2023 15:16

Eleganz · 21/05/2023 15:13

All can be sorted out with a direct and clear discussion with the lodger. It is a communal facility that she has access to, presumably just like the kitchen. She can't treat it has her own bathroom not can she make an issue out of guests to the house using it.

You haven't read OP's posts, have you?

CabernetSauvignon · 21/05/2023 15:20

Gwenhwyfar · 21/05/2023 11:21

"It’s dealt with. It never was “de facto” this woman’s bathroom because she wasn’t paying for it and it has never been part of the deal."

She said DE FACTO though. Yes, it was not formally her bathroom, but de facto it was.
I live in a flat in a house. For a while the house was empty and if people came in for maintenance or whatever it perturbed me. Not my house, but I was used to it being empty and having strangers around was pretty weird.

She said it had become de facto her bathroom, because she has essentially bullied OP out of it. It doesn't mean that it is hers.

DizzyBrunette1979 · 21/05/2023 16:20

If it's only used by guests once in a blue moon, it's gonna feel like hers. We would probably feel the same if we're honest 🤣
She might be happy paying a little bit more to have exclusive use of the bathroom and let only her guests use it. Just an idea.

Andersange · 21/05/2023 16:23

If you find your lodger alright otherwise...I'd ask your friends to use your ensuite.
But I'd not let her start taking issue with other things...if she didn't have a problem before.

WilkinsonM · 21/05/2023 16:37

DizzyBrunette1979 · 21/05/2023 16:20

If it's only used by guests once in a blue moon, it's gonna feel like hers. We would probably feel the same if we're honest 🤣
She might be happy paying a little bit more to have exclusive use of the bathroom and let only her guests use it. Just an idea.

You could try reading the OP's posts on this very long thread?
the lodger pays well under market rate for the room and cannot afford the cost of a room with private bathroom.
the OP doesn't actually want to charge her more (doesn't want to fill in a tax return) but also doesn't want to lose access to her main bathroom. So this isn't a solution.

ThinWomansBrain · 21/05/2023 16:56

when you interview potential next lodgers, tell them that previous lodger had to leave because of her weird behaviour regarding the bathroom.
It will not only underline occasionally shared bathroom, but make it clear that you won't stand for any nonsense (don't tell them it was her decision to go)

the Monday to Friday idea sounds a good one - I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to find someone that would want that in Bloomsbury, but if you can earn £1k a month from having a full time logder, half a day filling in a tax return, plus tax at your marginal rate on the additional £4.5k seems reasonable who knows, there could be additional stuff you could claim - do you work from home, or if you pay higher rate tax, additional relief on gift aided charity donations.

Panhandler44 · 21/05/2023 17:51

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Gwenhwyfar · 21/05/2023 18:37

"She said it had become de facto her bathroom, because she has essentially bullied OP out of it. It doesn't mean that it is hers."

No, OP doesn't use it at all - only guests do.

DizzyBrunette1979 · 21/05/2023 18:40

Unlike you, I don't have the time spare to read the OP's comments on this VERY long thread...I'm gardening in the sun with a cocktail 🤣

WilkinsonM · 21/05/2023 18:53

DizzyBrunette1979 · 21/05/2023 18:40

Unlike you, I don't have the time spare to read the OP's comments on this VERY long thread...I'm gardening in the sun with a cocktail 🤣

Don't bother replying then 😆 what a pointless waste of your precious time!

AdobeWanKenobi · 21/05/2023 21:55

DizzyBrunette1979 · 21/05/2023 18:40

Unlike you, I don't have the time spare to read the OP's comments on this VERY long thread...I'm gardening in the sun with a cocktail 🤣

You realise if you click ‘see all’ on the can see and read every one of OPs comments without having to read all of this VERY long thread in probably less time than it took you to be snarky?

DizzyBrunette1979 · 21/05/2023 22:05

I was being snarky in response to a snarky comment made to myself. Yes I realise I can read ALL of the OP's comments. I don't wish to because I've read enough to form an opinion on the whole petty matter.
Look, I just understand how the lodger might be feeling, that's all.
It wouldn't hurt the OP to have her guests use her loo and the lodger's guests to use hers.
Maybe I'm too considerate but I don't see why it can't be that way and everyone's happy.
Do, or don't; Whatever.

Thebigblueballoon · 21/05/2023 22:49

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Flopsythebunny · 21/05/2023 23:21

DizzyBrunette1979 · 21/05/2023 22:05

I was being snarky in response to a snarky comment made to myself. Yes I realise I can read ALL of the OP's comments. I don't wish to because I've read enough to form an opinion on the whole petty matter.
Look, I just understand how the lodger might be feeling, that's all.
It wouldn't hurt the OP to have her guests use her loo and the lodger's guests to use hers.
Maybe I'm too considerate but I don't see why it can't be that way and everyone's happy.
Do, or don't; Whatever.

Because it isn't the lodgers bathroom, its the house bathroom. The lodger doesn't want to pay for the exclusive use of a bathroom so she has to share it.
Op's guests would have to go through her bedroom to use her ensuite

CabernetSauvignon · 21/05/2023 23:27

Gwenhwyfar · 21/05/2023 18:37

"She said it had become de facto her bathroom, because she has essentially bullied OP out of it. It doesn't mean that it is hers."

No, OP doesn't use it at all - only guests do.

Use by OP's guests is use by OP. She is rightly telling her guests that that is the bathroom they can use, because exclusive use of it is not a part of the contract with the lodger. If, for the sake of argument, I had an ashtray which I never used myself but occasionally brought out for guests, it would still be my ashtray and a lodger wouldn't be entitled to say it was theirs.

CabernetSauvignon · 21/05/2023 23:32

DizzyBrunette1979 · 21/05/2023 22:05

I was being snarky in response to a snarky comment made to myself. Yes I realise I can read ALL of the OP's comments. I don't wish to because I've read enough to form an opinion on the whole petty matter.
Look, I just understand how the lodger might be feeling, that's all.
It wouldn't hurt the OP to have her guests use her loo and the lodger's guests to use hers.
Maybe I'm too considerate but I don't see why it can't be that way and everyone's happy.
Do, or don't; Whatever.

Well, no, you clearly hadn't read enough, given that your original post consisted basically of one major factual error and a suggestion that was a total waste of time as OP explained long ago why it wouldn't work.

If you had a perfectly good bathroom and an en suite, would you be happy with having guests traipsing through your bedroom to use the en suite during the night and potentially keeping you out of it in the morning when you want to use it, just because the lodger wants to have her own private bathroom without paying for it?

echt · 21/05/2023 23:55

It wouldn't hurt the OP to have her guests use her loo and the lodger's guests to use hers

It is not the lodger's loo.

DahliaMacNamara · 22/05/2023 00:20

I can't get my head around any opinion along the lines of OP could suck it up and have guests traipsing through her bedroom to pee so that her lodger always gets the main bathroom to herself . If the lodger was expected to let strangers past her bed to go to the loo, she might have a point.

MrsMeanwhile · 22/05/2023 07:57

She could have some form of OCD. Be kind and ask her what it is that causes her distress.

canyon2000 · 22/05/2023 08:16

The OP isn't running a boarding house for distressed OCD sufferers. If this lodger is being a nuisance then she just has to go and find lodgings that accommodate her needs.

WisherWood · 22/05/2023 09:27

@MrsMeanwhile the OP has tried to discuss this with her but the lodger doesn't want to talk about it. At some point, you have to take responsibility for your own MH issues and either share things with people so that they can help, or find work arounds. Giving people the silent treatment when you don't get your own way is not a good work around.