Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to be responsible for everyone else's happiness on holiday?

166 replies

Acunningruse · 18/05/2023 10:51

I love, love, love holidays. But I find the crushing weight of being the person responsible for everything to do with holidays absolutely unbearable.

  • actually booking the holiday
  • sorting tickets for attractions etc
  • travel/parking
-making sure kids have enough clothes/shoes that fit
  • making sure everything is washed clean before we go
  • packing (have made life harder for myself this year as we have overnight ferry, 3 nights at theme park then a week Eurocamp)
-packing all the items we need for a week self catering -kids toys and books etc

To be fair DH sorts passports, insurance and EHIC

Kids are 6 and 10 and this year I Do NOT want to hear the words "mummy did you bring my..."

AIBU to give them a bag and say pack this?

OP posts:
Lcb123 · 18/05/2023 10:53

I wouldn’t trust them to pack their own clothes but they can do it with your supervision. at that age they should pack their own toys, books etc-and learn it’s their responsibility

bigbadbarry · 18/05/2023 10:54

A bag and a packing list, YANBU

BellaJuno · 18/05/2023 10:56

You’re unreasonable to expect a 6 year old to anticipate what they might need on a holiday, that’s a parents job. But there’s no reason why your DH can’t be responsible for the packing too.

purplecorkheart · 18/05/2023 10:57

Why is you DH not stepping up more. Sorry but the EHIC is not done for every trip. nor are passports and a lot of Travel Insurance is annual policies. It does not sound like he is doing much for this holiday at all.

With the kids I would not trust them to pack the right clothes but certainly they pack there own toys and entertainment bits.

greenacrylicpaint · 18/05/2023 10:58

from those ages I gave my dc the responsibility to pack.
at first I gave them a list on what and how many items to pack, but these days I just give them the number of nights and information like overnight for the journey that we have planned for beach days, i.e. swimming costumes & beach towel.

TokyoSushi · 18/05/2023 10:58

To be fair DH sorts passports, insurance and EHIC

This is not a job. Passports is once every 5/10 years, EHIC probably similar, insurance either comes with your bank or 5 minutes online surely. He needs to shape up!

Original poster
Acunningruse · 18/05/2023 11:02

Tbf there is a teensy tiny possibility that in the past DH has packed for the kids (not for main holidays, say a weekend away) and has forgottten things which I was probably not particularly understanding about Blush
I think this is part of the issue. I hate the pressure of it but at the same time I'm a total control freak. And I know people always say "oh you can buy stuff there" but who wants to spend their holiday dragging kids around the shops?

OP posts:
Divebar2021 · 18/05/2023 11:02

It’s gutting when you realise you’ve left something behind and you get all these reproachful looks. I’ve left swimsuits behind and we’ve had to go and buy another one. There is a point where children need to think about what they need to take. We started with the “entertainment” bag but are now nearer the stage of clothes packing for our DD11. They can at least think about it… make a list or form piles of clothes that you can edit. But if you let them they’ll sit there pleasing themselves until it’s time to go on holiday. ( your DH needs to step up too!)

Original poster
Acunningruse · 18/05/2023 11:03

Some brilliant tips here. I think kid's packing with me supervising is a great first step.

OP posts:
Divebar2021 · 18/05/2023 11:03

PS you don’t get to be a PITA if you complain about other peoples packing

Original poster
Acunningruse · 18/05/2023 11:04

@Divebar2021 YES!! Exactly this! Those reproachful looks where the subtext is clearly "i guess you don't love me then" Grin

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/05/2023 11:04

10 yr can do their packing, for you to just double check

6 yo needs to their parent being the main person in charge of packing - even if you lay stuff out for them to put in the back etc

DH needs to be stepping up a lot more, and I agree his jobs aren’t really jobs!

ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 18/05/2023 11:07

I never trusted DS to do the packing, he would get his bags full of books and no pants.

The moment to throw the towel is when your OH complains that he is bored and you should have organised something better.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/05/2023 11:07

My 14 yo DD would be doing hers by herself (I’d make sure if absolutely key stuff like passport of course!)

9 yo DS will need help still, but certainly participated in the packing exercise. I should add disclaimer he has ADHD so can’t totally rely on him to think of it all - but equally more reason to make sure he has practice trying at this sort of thing, and we work on strategies for when he’s older and has to do it.

Exh was always terrible for forgetting things, and it was always such a pain to have to trog round the shops on a hot weather holiday for things he should have thought of

fajitaaa · 18/05/2023 11:09

10 year old absolutely. Get both of them to get out what they think they will need and put it on their bed then you can check it.

Tothepoint99 · 18/05/2023 11:09

Not being unreasonable. It's called the Motherload and it's exhausting.

I have organised everyone else for hols to the point, I've not sorted my own stuff and it's frustrating.

Have a go-to list saved in your phone - stuff you will always take on holiday. It rarely varies. Only depending on climate. That way you don't have to do the mental leg work every single time.

Get the kids to count 7 pairs of everything for example and put on their beds or in a suitcase. You do the refining.

Laiste · 18/05/2023 11:10

I hear you.

But I'm a slave to my own standards and my own worst enemy.

I could delegate more or even throw my hands up and say i'm not doing it, and DH would step up, he really would, but he wouldn't do it the way i like it so ... what good's that going to do? We'd just end up on holiday with half of it done wrong or left out and i'd be wishing i'd just done it myself 🙄

We usually do self catering in the UK and there's a lot to remember if you want to run smoothly. I've been doing it so many years now (4 kids BIG age range) (at least the adult ones can look after themselves now!)(they still come with us) that the whole thing is hardwired in. But that doesn't mean it's not hard bloody work.

I don't complain about it. Because i feel it's a problem of my own making. I know i sound like a martyr 😂

Riverlee · 18/05/2023 11:12

I’m with you on this. I’m the default holiday organiser. My kids are older so now I say they get to name an activity/destination each to do whilst on holiday. However, still falls to me to do the main research (added stress this year, finding suitable boarding for dog).

Ilovetea42 · 18/05/2023 11:13

I think definitely get them involved with the packing. I'd start them off making a list of what they need and what they want to bring that they think will fit in their case. Then they can find and pack the items on their list as you watch. I'd delegate more to dh as well tbh. I normally take on all planning for hols like booking and trips and tickets etc but I really enjoy that bit so I don't mind. If I didn't enjoy it I'd say I'd sort days 1 to 3 and he can sort the rest and tell him what I've booked.

Whatafustercluck · 18/05/2023 11:13

You sound a bit like me, OP. A bit of a control freak who would rather do it yourself than risk something important getting forgotten. I can relate. But that results in you taking on a disproportionate amount of responsibility that you can't really blame others for. If you do this in all walks of your personal life then burnout is a very real possibility. I learned this to my cost recently.

I do all the important travel bookings etc. It plays to my planning strengths.

I pack my own stuff but dh and I double up on the rest of the packing. And 6yo dd and 12yo ds are responsible for packing toys, games etc. I'm trying to encourage 12yo ds to think more about the essentials he needs, but the reality is that I check his stuff and add things that are missing (otherwise he'd wear one pair of pants for a fortnight without washing them and think nothing of it).

crackofdoom · 18/05/2023 11:13

I....oversee the DC packing, in that I sit on the bed shouting "Three pairs of trousers and two pairs of shorts!" and they scurry around getting the stuff and putting it in a pile for me to check before they put it in their rucksacks. They are 7 and 13, so obviously I supervise DC2 a lot closer than I do DC1. For books, toys and entertainment items they're pretty much on their own apart from a couple of suggestions. DC1 is more likely to go on holiday stark naked than forget his phone charger 😆

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 18/05/2023 11:19

Agree to get everyone involved. Dh obviously packs his own 6yr old should be able to get 7 pairs of socks, etc. you check them. 10yr old tell them 7 outfits, one nice one for going out and two jumpers/ trousers in case the weather turns. By secondary age (or hopefully sooner) they should be able to fully book.

Cordeliathecat · 18/05/2023 11:21

I wouldn’t delegate packing as I can do it faster and better than anyone else in my family. (My daughter would pack her entire wardrobe and my son just his iPad).

I get DH to make sure everything is washed and ready to be packed.

But I do delegate things such as sorting car hire, booking day trips, attractions, getting to and from airport, researching local area, beaches etc.

MuggleMe · 18/05/2023 11:21

My mum used to make a list and stand with the suitcases "6 pairs of pants go" and we'd all come back with them and she'd tick them off.

I use Trello for lists, you can save them from year to year and mark them off once packed/bought.

MuggleMe · 18/05/2023 11:21

My mum used to make a list and stand with the suitcases "6 pairs of pants go" and we'd all come back with them and she'd tick them off.

I use Trello for lists, you can save them from year to year and mark them off once packed/bought.