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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to be responsible for everyone else's happiness on holiday?

166 replies

Acunningruse · 18/05/2023 10:51

I love, love, love holidays. But I find the crushing weight of being the person responsible for everything to do with holidays absolutely unbearable.

  • actually booking the holiday
  • sorting tickets for attractions etc
  • travel/parking
-making sure kids have enough clothes/shoes that fit
  • making sure everything is washed clean before we go
  • packing (have made life harder for myself this year as we have overnight ferry, 3 nights at theme park then a week Eurocamp)
-packing all the items we need for a week self catering -kids toys and books etc

To be fair DH sorts passports, insurance and EHIC

Kids are 6 and 10 and this year I Do NOT want to hear the words "mummy did you bring my..."

AIBU to give them a bag and say pack this?

OP posts:
Batalax · 19/05/2023 00:22

We did the list from an early age. I’d probably get out more than they needed in the early days and encouraged them to choose. It was totally supervised at first but by age 10/11 they just packed completely by themselves. I might have asked if they’d remembered a few crucial items but that was all.

BananaCocktails · 19/05/2023 00:27

This post is a little ridiculous
either ask your young children to do it themselves 🙄or tell your DH to do it
first world problems. People are wondering where they are getting their next meal from and you are complaining about having to pack suitcases - for your own kids

as for holidays T-shirts shorts swimwear underwear that’s all you need
they can put toys and books in their own rucksacks or whatever

LittleOwl153 · 19/05/2023 00:38

I do all the washing and hang everything in wardrobes. Then I stand in the doorway of my room and say 'bring me... a swim suit, 5 pairs of pants' etc, the youngest (9) brings them to my bed, the oldest (13 but SEN) lays stuff out on her bed. Once the boring stuff is laid out they get a small bag each with suggestions - tablet headphones books etc... that bit I leave to them!

VonThorn · 19/05/2023 02:05

No way I'd let my 6 and 10 year old pack for themselves, tbh. I know this is MN, where kids are expected to be able to make a bus journey at the age of 5 and make a simple family meal by 6.5 years old, but my kids aren't those kids.

We'd end up with 49 books, a scrap of fabric, a bunch of Lego, random crap that was within arm's reach and an Mirabel costume.

coxesorangepippin · 19/05/2023 02:33

Yeah same here.

Hence why we're having staycations this year

haloangel · 19/05/2023 03:25

YABU to expect a 6 year old to pack for themselves. Even a 10 year old may miss let things beyond clothes I.e. medicines etc.

Also if you are not going to be happy with anyone else's packing it's best to do it yourself although you may begrudge it as it saves stress in the long run.

DH needs to chip in too. Get him involved even if it's just so he is aware what has been packed and where it is. Bit of on the job 'training' 🙄

HellonHeels · 19/05/2023 03:28

BananaCocktails · 19/05/2023 00:27

This post is a little ridiculous
either ask your young children to do it themselves 🙄or tell your DH to do it
first world problems. People are wondering where they are getting their next meal from and you are complaining about having to pack suitcases - for your own kids

as for holidays T-shirts shorts swimwear underwear that’s all you need
they can put toys and books in their own rucksacks or whatever

This itself is a ridiculous post. Mumsnet wouldn't exist if people didn't post about so-called first world problems. OP wants a bit of support so she's checking in with a group of peers.

We're not going to improve life for anyone struggling with the cost of living by not going on holiday or not posting about holidays.

DreamTheMoors · 19/05/2023 04:03

My sister at 30 yo packed her husband for a business trip across the country.
He asked her to do it “because you do such a better job than I do.” Lazy. Bad liar, too.
So he arrives in NYC from California with everything but his pants. She packed shirts & underwear & jackets & belts & ties.
But no pants hahaha.
She had to buy an airline ticket for pants.

VikingsandDragons · 19/05/2023 04:34

Mine are 10 (ND) and 8 (NT) and for a few years now I've made a list for the whole family, then just sat on the floor with a big case in front of me and gone 'right, 10 pairs of pants each - go' they bring me that item, I pack it 'now get me 5 tshirts' or whatever. So I check as it goes in the case they don't have something inappropriate for the weather but they choose exactly which tshirts, swim suit etc they want to take.

user1492757084 · 19/05/2023 04:37

You are the control freak and they are small children so you are going to have to be the parent.
Once you have planned the holiday, make a list for them.
Four days before have them pack together, in front of you. Any item that is not clean can be put in the wash and listed to pack the day before - once again with the help of the kids.
Keep a list with you and a list with the child.

The children then carry their own bag, knowing what is in it.
As the child gets older they can make their own list and check it against yours. They can also wash and final pack.

Similarlty with your husband.
Can you make a list for the self catering and have him help pack it?

redspottedmug · 19/05/2023 05:08

Packing list for everyone plus another for communal stuff.

Overnight ferry essentials in one bag.

Theme park stuff in another.

Everything else into a 'bag for life' per person plus a bag for bed linen, bag for towels (swim,bath,tea towels), bags for other essentials. Including washing powder/tabs.

Shove in the car in reverse order.

When you want peace and quiet on the campsite, leave your DH to wrangle the DC, head to the laundry (alone!) put a load on then find a nice spot to read and have coffee and a croissant (or two).

OMGdidIreallyseethat · 19/05/2023 05:16

I have a holiday list document that I open and firstly do a Save As…. Name of holiday and date, length of holiday. Ie. DorsetMay2023-7Nights.

when going away, so some are camping, some flying off somewhere, I find a similar holiday, open the document, save it, alter it to suit that holiday, print it off and use as a packing list.

i also have a note document on my phone listing things I should have taken with me, or sometimes not, that I add to during holidays and check when making a new packing list. All seems very OTT but has made packing easier.

when was a kid my mum would put seven pairs of socks spaced out on our beds and we would have to add other clothes to make up an a outfit. She’d then add or remove stuff. Then each daily pile was put in a its own plastic bag before going in my hold-all along with my toiletries and a few toys.

ElaineEliLitty · 19/05/2023 05:19

I get my girls 7 & 9 to write a list so we agree like 6 T-shirts, 7 bottoms etc. Then I sit down with the case and do one at a time “go pick out 6 shirts” and they tick off list when done etc. I get to sit, they are helping and they’ve done the list themselves. They do their own toys etc. and hubby does his but I might just say don’t forget swim stuff etc.

Zanatdy · 19/05/2023 06:32

They are old enough to make a list of what they want to bring. Extras. But I certainly wouldn’t be trusting them to pack completely

Laptp · 19/05/2023 06:37

Sorry don't mean to derail thread but what do people pack in this 'entertainment bag' (I was just going to buy a bucket & spade at the hotel for DC 3 to 8yrs)? Plus how do you fit it all in your luggage allowance?😬

Heatherbell1978 · 19/05/2023 06:41

So yes OP I get this. However...the thought of leaving DH and kids to pack is something I couldn't deal with! I frequently get irate at the mental load I deal with but I also know I'm a control freak do whilst getting annoyed about it, the alternative would be worse. So I suppose you need to strike a balance and ask yourself would you really be happy with DH taking control of things??

Muminthebluecoat · 19/05/2023 06:45

No reason the DCs can't pack their own toys and books.

My DD 10 will get her outfits out if I tell her how many she needs then I just check them.

DD6 will help me choosing what outfits she's taking

DH picks his own outfits!

I always iron and pack as I just find it easier as I don't worry about things been forgotten. I also do most of the bookings and organising again because I worry less knowing I've done it all

PaigeMatthews · 19/05/2023 06:47

Pack the childrens clothes. Have them pack their backpacks.
of course dont pack for dh. He is an adult.

Sunnysunbun · 19/05/2023 06:51

I hate holidays. They were bad with kids and now they’re miserable with teenagers. I just don’t want to go. Trying to please everyone is horrible and finding food they like.
I wish they would go away without me. Every holiday is just so stressful.
I haven’t booked a holiday this year because I just can’t face it.

DontForgetToBreathe · 19/05/2023 06:51

Acunningruse · 18/05/2023 11:02

Tbf there is a teensy tiny possibility that in the past DH has packed for the kids (not for main holidays, say a weekend away) and has forgottten things which I was probably not particularly understanding about Blush
I think this is part of the issue. I hate the pressure of it but at the same time I'm a total control freak. And I know people always say "oh you can buy stuff there" but who wants to spend their holiday dragging kids around the shops?

No good advice from me apart from ‘just do it’.
Enjoy it. Plan ahead, make a list, get yourself a cup of tea and relax with some music and just start packing. If you have always done it then it’s hard for other people to suddenly start packing.

Raindancer411 · 19/05/2023 06:52

I remember when I was younger that my mum packed my clothes. Then I had a separate bag to fill with what I wanted to take to keep me busy. It's a memory that has stuck with me... let them pack their own toys :)

Iwrote · 19/05/2023 06:53

Laptp · 19/05/2023 06:37

Sorry don't mean to derail thread but what do people pack in this 'entertainment bag' (I was just going to buy a bucket & spade at the hotel for DC 3 to 8yrs)? Plus how do you fit it all in your luggage allowance?😬

I'd normally pack the kids own hand luggage with colouring book, pens, ipad and headphones, maybe a doll or a few toy cars or suchlike. Pack a beach ball etc if you have them in your suitcase, buy the bucket and spade there.

Sundaysundaebananasplit · 19/05/2023 06:53

Me too. My husband could pack but it would be very perfunctory. I spend a long time making sure there is an outfit per day, per child and that it can be layered up or down depending on the weather. I pack extras for dinners out, such as nice dresses for the girls and smart shirt for the boy. I really do put a lot of thought into what gets packed and iron everything extra well so that it all gets packed neatly and each day the kids just pull out an outfit.

My husband would just count out 7 t shirts, 7 pairs of shorts, 7 pairs of pants, a hoodie and a couple of swimsuits per child and while it would be fine, I'd rather have more input. When my husband dresses our daughters, they tend to end up in their elder brother's old tracksuit bottoms with a pyjama top and odd socks. I can't face that on holiday.

Tiddlywinkly · 19/05/2023 06:57

Of all the jobs, packing I find ok. I have a checklist saved on my computer that I tweak, so it's just box ticking.

Laundry and unpacking after the holiday I HATE. My palm that off to DH?

Roselilly36 · 19/05/2023 06:59

i can empathise completely, I remember those days well. I would choose the holiday and organise everything. I would pack for us all. DH would always ask for something completely random, and then say I am surprised you didn’t pack that! After telling me I had packed too much stuff. FF to next holiday, DH did his own packing, didn’t pack enough stuff for himself. I just smiled 😂