To refuse to be responsible for everyone else's happiness on holiday?

[Acunningruse]

I love, love, love holidays. But I find the crushing weight of being the person responsible for everything to do with holidays absolutely unbearable.

• actually booking the holiday
• sorting tickets for attractions etc
• travel/parking

-making sure kids have enough clothes/shoes that fit

• making sure everything is washed clean before we go
• packing (have made life harder for myself this year as we have overnight ferry, 3 nights at theme park then a week Eurocamp)

-packing all the items we need for a week self catering -kids toys and books etc

To be fair DH sorts passports, insurance and EHIC

Kids are 6 and 10 and this year I Do NOT want to hear the words "mummy did you bring my..."

AIBU to give them a bag and say pack this?

This is a very good idea. Clear instructions and a bit of responsibility.

My son is took young at the moment to pack but I recall my parents way of doing it. She would tell us what we needed. We would get everything out and take everything to their bedroom where the suitcases were. She would then check we had got everything as she packed them. Also, my mum used to put clothes aside as they were washed so we didn't wear them in the days before our hols. By the day before we were usually in our scruffiest clothes.

Thank you, that's a good idea.👍

I feel you! That said I wouldn’t trust them to do their own packing so young. Even with a list it’d be a screwed up mess.
We have 4 boys and have always had to sort all their stuff and my own, I find it so stressful! Husband does his own of course, I’m not going there!
DH will usually iron a lot of the holiday clothes first though, but I’ve got to organise a pile of what that is. I’m the one working out what extra they need and buying it. I also put some of everyone’s stuff over all cases, so we can cope if a case gets lost too. So organising that complicates it too.

Then when we get there I’m the one unpacking, as typically space for clothes is so sparse I can’t just let them do it as again, everything would be thrown everywhere.

We go to Tenerife next week, fortunately the elder boys are 17 & 20 now so I will do absolutely none of their packing - or ironing. I’m going to give them a case and tell them to crack on. I will still pack for the 11 & 7 year old though, but will ask my 11 year old to pick himself 9 T-shirts and 5 pairs of shorts out.

Im glad the days of packing for 5 are no longer here. It really took the shine off the holiday build up.

Oh and I always find/ search for the holiday, book the holiday, renew the kids passports (had 2 to do this year!) and sort the travel insurance. DH does book the taxi!
To be fair, if I didn’t find the holiday (I spend hours searching for something affordable) then we’d not go. DH would definitely rather spend the money on the house, whereas I’m all for the time away together - before they’ve all flown the nest!

What I'd do is put all there clothes in piles either in all bottom or all tops or lay them out in outfits then toiletries with there empty bag than they have to pack it into the bag helps them learn what's needed for a holiday then they'll know what's packed and what's not xx

Hi.
I know the pressure of being the control freak, 😂
I get my 6 year old to take out X amount of sets of clothing, his swimwear etc,all his needs and wants, and put it on the bed. Then I check on it and pack it in.

Making a once off holiday list,then ticking as we go along each year helps tremendously!

I remember packing for holiday when I was 6 or 7 and only oscking one pair of knickers! Seriously though even the 6 yo should be doing their own packing- just be sure to check it over

Haha! This one made me laugh! I remember one year when I was around 14, we got to the flat in Spain and my suitcase was so heavy we barely got it up the stairs. But when we opened it, my mum realised I’d packed a suitcase of books - with just three t-shirts, a pair of shorts, a pair of sandals and one swimming costume…for eight weeks. We just nipped down to the market at Cabopino the next day and picked me up a couple of sundresses and a second pair of shorts. I was just fine. I also had enough books for roughly half the holiday which was far more than I’d ever managed before.

I’d supervise your kids packing but honestly, just let it flow from there.

On the activities and stuff, let the kids take charge on that. You can pick a few places, but from six or seven, I was responsible for being the tour guide. If we were going somewhere, I’d have to research it (which back then meant going to the library and taking out and reading a whole load of tour guides) and then take my family round. I used to ‘hate’ researching it, but actually really enjoyed it when we were there as I had all this cool information and my parents acted like they were really interested in learning about it. I also got to make recommendations as to where we would eat etc, based on those guides.

So, even if your OH doesn’t massively help out, you can always hoodwink the kids into sorting that side of the holiday for you 😂

I hear ya OP!! As a single parent the whole shit show always fell to me - it also fell to me when I had a DH…and is effectively why I became a single parent. At 6 & 10 my DDs were pretty much packing for themselves. An open suitcase policy so I could look over what they felt was essential for a trip and tell them what to add or lose. We travel a lot so at 13 & 14 I don’t even think about theirs anymore they’re so used to it. DD 13 literally packs two outfits, knickers, her toothbrush, teddy and phone … 🤷🏼‍♀️

We're going to Spain next weekend. As said before, DC 7 and 9. We all have a carry on case. Honestly all I need to do is give each DC their suitcase and tell them how many days and where we are going - they will ask Google what the weather will be and pack accordingly. True, I'll take care of cosmetics and medicine and such, but I don't even need to check the clothes they packed. Really not planning to be packing for them when they're teenagers.

When I pack I give the kids instructions "go and get me 7 tops, now get 4 pairs of jeans & 3 pairs of shorts" etc
They bring it to me and I pack it

I think it’s hard to get the balance sometime. Certain things I will plan myself - we did disneybounding on specific themes at DLP so I coordinated all of that- but I will also give the children’s lists of what they need such as 5x pants , 3x trousers etc and expect then to put those things in piles somewhere. I started this when they were little with little pictures of what and how
many. Then I pack the piles into packing cubes by person/or specific theme. At the other end, if they are packed by theme they know they cube colour and unpack that as they need to. But also, many times I have forgotten something and we’ve had to go buy it, its really not the end of the world as we generally need a supermarket at some point anyway.

My 7 and 10 year olds pack for themselves and have done for the last 2 holidays. I write them a list and off they go.

I don't know if this helps but here goes. I have always arranged every detail of the holidays since the first time DH and I went away. He cannot pack and has no idea of time scales. One trip he forgot his passport expiry date and i had to arrange an emergency trip (just for him) to Ireland to get it! So a couple of decades later and it is soooo much better. DD and SEN DS help choose location and trips, DD sorts DS and DH luggage - with help from DS - and I book transport, holiday etc. DH has not improved but there are now 3 of us arranging everything and kicking him into touch. We have the most relaxing holidays. It will happen, just give it time and accept your lions share for now,

I’m sorry your DH needs to be doing a lot more

nNothing that he does is onerous - why can’t he book a holiday once a year?

this is what my situation was with STBXH

he would sort out currency and airport parking (but not always) and just pack his stuff and rock up to the airport in a holiday mood whereas I was already frazzled at this point
i have a lot of medical stuff to pack and get anxiety about running out, nearest medical facilities etc but as long as he’s packed it’s ok

We're on holiday now and I can't wait for the day DS can pack for himself. He's 4 now though and his essential packing would be swim clothes, cuddly dinosaur, whichever piece of Lego is his current favourite, slinky malinki and a schleich stingray (these are the things he actually packed in his own backpack)

Allow your children to pack, then read out a list to them and they do a check in the bag and you tick off the list.

Toothbrush? Check
Pjs? Check
Underwear? Oops!

That way you're not packing for them and are getting them to start thinking about the type of things they need, without the risk of them forgetting something.

I’m sorry, you expect a 6yr old child to know what they need for a weeks holiday? Would you have done so at that age?! I doubt they fully know what they need throughout a whole day, let alone what they would need for a week away from the comfort of their home?! If you have a partner then you/they need to share the load in organising this. Sorry but no, you cannot accept that your young children would know what they need for a trip away without your guidance.

@Acunningruse with all due respect, that's part of being a parent.

Your DH can’t manage it, but your 6 yo can? Maybe start by supervising the DH 😉

Kids have always had a packing list. Since really small (used to be imaged and numbers).

I do medical and suncream and my own packing.

packing list

passport

ticket

cheque book

chargers

telephone

bullet journal

flip flops

walking shoes

car charger

book

wallets

charging block

coat

makeup remover

make up

knickers

shoes

socks

trousers

vests

t-shirts

shirts

jumpers

bras

pyjamas

spongebag

shampoo

conditioner

face wash

toothpaste

toothbrush

flannel

moisturiser

comb

razor

tampax

belts

glasses

swimming things

tennis things

towels

wedding hat, bag

jewelry

suncream
Coat & boots
Hat
Sun cream

Jesus that formatted badly. Sorry for the worlds longest post.

I have a massive case on wheels and literally say to my DD “Get me 10 pairs of pants, 5 socks, swim suit etc…. Once we’ve packed clothes chargers ext leads etc she then packs a toy or whatever extra she wants to bring…. Sometimes she packs and literally a whole 2nd case is just full of dolls and teddies (I love it!)…. If we went abroad though the toy case would have to stay 😂

I agree a 6 year old is too young to pack - although they can still start learning now. My DS at 6 would pack one set of clothes for a week and heaps of toys. Now at 10 years old I can just give dates and location/s and we discuss potential activities we might like and he packs pretty independently. I still check over - we have different ideas about how warm clothes need to be for the forecast weather.