To refuse to be responsible for everyone else's happiness on holiday?

[Acunningruse]

I love, love, love holidays. But I find the crushing weight of being the person responsible for everything to do with holidays absolutely unbearable.

• actually booking the holiday
• sorting tickets for attractions etc
• travel/parking

-making sure kids have enough clothes/shoes that fit

• making sure everything is washed clean before we go
• packing (have made life harder for myself this year as we have overnight ferry, 3 nights at theme park then a week Eurocamp)

-packing all the items we need for a week self catering -kids toys and books etc

To be fair DH sorts passports, insurance and EHIC

Kids are 6 and 10 and this year I Do NOT want to hear the words "mummy did you bring my..."

AIBU to give them a bag and say pack this?

I have always packed my stuff and helped daughter pack hers… ex husband always packed his own smaller case.
I always took responsibility for DD’s stuff because I knew it would be me who suffered if something was missing and not her dad.
I had a friend who used to pack everyone’s suitcases, including her partners, he would then moan she hadn’t packed his favourite boxers, or had forgotten his charger etc…. Bollocks to that!!!! I’d be telling him to pack his own bloody stuff…
there’s no way in a million years I’d pack for a partner … nor have I ever had one that would want me to

When you was 6 or 10 did your parents give you a case and expect you to pack for a holiday? Get a grip, pack your children's clothes, get your husband involved and be a parent. Do you seriously think a 6 and 10 year old will know what to pack for a holiday.

"making sure kids have enough clothes/shoes that fit

• making sure everything is washed clean before we go"

YABU, Wouldn't you be doing that anyway, even if you were not going on holiday?

However, YANBU that a family holiday is not much of a holiday for parents of young children.

Not at 6 no, but a 10 yes for sure. I'd think an average 10 year old can easily pack for a holiday with just a little double checking. Mine does, and a friend's 10 year old packs for himself and takes the lead on packing for his 5 year old sibling.

Maybe if it was a 10 year old's very first holiday they might struggle, but most would have had previous holidays, sleepovers, school camps etc that they would have had a hand in packing for. It's not that hard.

Love this I have a list that I use each year and just tell kids x outfits, x pants etc.They always packed their own back pack even when they were young . I’d leave a few bits out but it was up to them.
I’m a control freak and have sort everything else 😂

My kids are 7 and 11 and have been packing their own stuff for years for long haul holidays where we’re away 3-4 weeks. Your kids should be packing themselves, they know what they want to wear and what toys and books they want with them. Obviously I check it all to make sure they haven’t left out undies! And I do pack the toiletries.

I'll never forget the time that DC decided they didn't need what we'd packed and started taking stuff out. We only noticed once we were away and saw they were wearing the same stuff over and over 🙄

My DCs cannot be trusted with packing. DP got them to pack for a one night stay at grandparents whilst I was away and they didn’t have anything remotely useful in their bags 🤣
When we go away I pack their clothes but get them to help eg fetch things, which pjs they want to take etc. tbh I just start packing about a week before in drive and drabs and make a list that I tick off as each thing goes in. But I generally don’t personally find packing stressful so maybe why I’m more relaxed about it.

Do you seriously think a 6 and 10 year old will know what to pack for a holiday.

Yes if you have started early with the instructions, then list, then checking - as said, my 7 and 9 have packed their suitcases totally independently for the past few trips we have taken. If you don't give them responsibility even at 10, your child be one of those adult husbands described on this thread who will need their wife to pack for them.

I stoped bothering with holiday booking years ago and DH realised he’d have to organise it otherwise we wouldn’t go.

I used to do all mine and DCs packing also including food (caravan/cottage hol) towels, medication (plasters, sting cream etc).

Last year I was ill few days before hol and I couldn’t do anything. I managed to pack a few simple things for myself altho ended up with only flip flops for my feet!

Hardly took any food so had to shop on arrival.

DS16 left half his stuff at home. No coat, walking boots. DS15 sorted himself out no problem. This year, everyone packs their own

@Acunningruse may I suggest that you and your DH swap tasks for the next holiday? You can sort the passports, insurance, and EHIC, and he can plan, book, arrange tickets, parking and food, and make sure he and the children have everything they need packed. If, for example, he's messed up the packing he can be the one to drag them round the shops while you chill out on your own doing something less stressful.

I made my pre-teens lay out what they wanted to pack on their beds, then I went and checked. This is a great moment to point out to them they would arrive in Italy with f.i. 6 Tshirts, 3 swimmingsuits, only the shorts they would wear to travel, no underwear, no toothbrush. That's how I tought them how to pack for themselves.

My ex did it all.

I have a whole notebook for trip planning. I save my packing lists from year to year and make notes about what did and did not work, so I can optimise my list for the following year. There are people who are even more detail-oriented than me. My SIL keeps notes about the gas stations with the best bathrooms and how long you'll have to wait for another good one if you skip the one we're about to pass.

If we were men, there would be whole Youtube channels about this.

@aloris that sounds awesome! 😮I think I'm about to nick this idea for myself...

It is! It makes such a difference, and means that each year I'm not anxious about whether I'm going to forget something. I also take my notebook with me, so when I'm repacking for the return, I know what I brought!

My husband even kicked it up a notch by going through my packing lists for the subset of essential items and making that a top-level list. This would be prescription medications, passports, phone chargers etc, basically things that if we forgot them would be a huge problem. Then he made a separate list for times when we have to stay overnight while in transit, so toothbrushes, a change of pyjamas, retainers for those who wear braces, etc.

My kids love doing their own packing. It gets them into the holiday spirit, I guess!