To refuse to be responsible for everyone else's happiness on holiday?

[Acunningruse]

I love, love, love holidays. But I find the crushing weight of being the person responsible for everything to do with holidays absolutely unbearable.

• actually booking the holiday
• sorting tickets for attractions etc
• travel/parking

-making sure kids have enough clothes/shoes that fit

• making sure everything is washed clean before we go
• packing (have made life harder for myself this year as we have overnight ferry, 3 nights at theme park then a week Eurocamp)

-packing all the items we need for a week self catering -kids toys and books etc

To be fair DH sorts passports, insurance and EHIC

Kids are 6 and 10 and this year I Do NOT want to hear the words "mummy did you bring my..."

AIBU to give them a bag and say pack this?

crackofdoom · Today 11:13
I....oversee the DC packing, in that I sit on the bed shouting "Three pairs of trousers and two pairs of shorts!"

This made me laugh 😂

I did a version of this last year with youngest DC. (8 then) Put out the bags which i had decided were best for her clothes, toys and beach stuff and told her what each bag was for and to fill it with what she felt was best and that she would need for 7 days. I told her that when each bag was full that was that. So think carefully.

Later i went up and we went through it all and she hadn't done badly. Except she had filled the toy bag with huge heavy books (human body in detail type thing) and it weighed a TON. And there were 10! quite a few teddies hiding at the bottom of the clothes bag 😂

I....oversee the DC packing, in that I sit on the bed shouting "Three pairs of trousers and two pairs of shorts!" and they scurry around getting the stuff and putting it in a pile for me to check before they put it in their rucksacks

This is exactly what I’ve always done My 9yo is now completely self sufficient with packing and most of life and packs about a week before everyone else but that’s just who she is.

For multi centre holidays (eg your ferry, eurocamp etc) the kids have different bags which are then put into the car in reverse order so we don’t need to pull everything out each night.

Until a couple of years ago I did all the booking as I used to really enjoy it. Then it became just another job so I got DH involved. We either split the jobs (eg he does car hire and flights and I do accommodation) or we sit down together one evening and do it all together.

You need to rope your DH into the preparations. We sit down and make a list together of all the things we need to get, do, and prepare. Then divvy that list up between us.

We also do this type of holiday. I have main lists and sub lists for each person. Makes everything easier, my older two get given their lists and I just double check. Takes the pressure off!

I would never delegate packing! Lists are your friend. Give the children a copy of the list and tell them every single thing has to be on their bed at a set time. Tell them everything has to be there in the order that it's on the list. (That should keep them quiet for a while.) Then you can take the bag into their rooms and go through the list again.

I've just been thinking about what DH does (because he does it better than me) and it's:

Getting all the bags out of the loft.
Cleaning the car and making sure it's ready for a long laden journey.
Packing the car leaving room for the kids!
Sorting electricals (i pads and phones and chargers)
The route.
Getting all the bags and stuff into the property at the holiday. (i unpack bags)
Keeping the majority of the sand and rubbish out of the car during holiday.
Drying/folding the beach stuff ready for next day every day (we have a LOT)

So i guess all his chores are more 'of the moment' and physical, while mine is a lot of planning and prep.

Something previous poster said about animals: yes - i have to book the boarding for the cats and sort the vaccinations months earlier if no one is staying at home. Also i have to make sure my elderly mother is sorted for a week. Making sure the right bins are left out. And the garden pots are all moved to the shade. Half of the chores are for the home you're leaving behind for a week!

I do what Muggle's mum did - tell them to go away and bring me x pairs of trousers/pants/t-shirts/socks that they are prepared to wear.

My 9 year old can be trusted (with guidance/editing) to pack the gadget bag, and my 12 year old manages the wash bag.

Just tell me you don't pack your DP's bag...

The secret really is lists - once you have a packing list for a holiday type, you just need to follow it - then I add to the list while I'm on holiday, so that next time, I have whatever it was I realised I needed (or remove stuff that turned out to be pointless)

Packing cubes are the way forward too IMO.

Do you work fulltime? If so, then DH needs to step up. Appreciate someone would have to put a list together in the first place, but it could come out every time you go away and as things are put aside (by both of you) they can be ticked off. You need to talk to DH and explain it's all a bit too much, and anything he can do to take pressure off would help.

On the other hand, if you work part-time I guess you've got more time to prioritise what you need. I'm lucky that I work part-time, and for that reason I literally do the lot (even passports etc). DH is out of the house 11 hours a day, and my aim is always to get essential things done while he's busy working.

I feel your pain. I tried to rebel this year and said we'd go somewhere last minute (so we'd all have a hand in organising it), and then found myself browsing the Internet for self catering. Now I've gone and booked it and have already started buying provisions ...

I give DH a list of stuff I need him to do by when then leave him to it. For our upcoming holiday that is. I am not interfering in how he goes about this:

• making sure everyone has enough shorts/t-shirts (between him and the kids)
• Booking the taxi back
• dealing with money and all expenses whilst there
• packing (expect the kids to bring their stuff to him - one large case)

I expect the kids to sort their own stuff for entertainment purposes - they are teens though so a bit different to you, in your case I would say supervising.

Get your DH to supervise the kids packing (with a list if he's likely to forget pants or whatever).
You do yours and his plus any medications
He does electronics & chargers

And unclench! Having to visit a French supermarket for t shirts or paracetamol isn't the end of the world!

Oh I have just read properly re the control freak stuff. I am mostly pretty chilled and don't stress if we forget something - other than crucial bits like passports.

Get your children to help. E.g. with the 6 year old say you need 7 t-shirts, can you pick out 7 and put them on the bed, and double check
With your 10 year old sit down and say what do you think you need to pack and write a list. Nudge them along, e.g. what are you going to wear to the theme park, what about swimming, etc. Then let them pack by themselves and double check with them using the list

I realise you will be reading this thinking Appa, that's more work then packing it myself. But this way the kids are learning and you can reduce the amount you are involved each year. After a few years they will be able to sort it themselves with minimal input from you

I am willing to admit I am sad & have a spreadsheet for packing & have it updated for my upcoming holiday where I only have to pack for me

I've had it since DC were littlies & just got into the habit of using it so that last time we went abroad with all 3 DC (17,16 & 10) I used it as normal & packed everything.

DD2 is now 21 & goes away with her friends/boyfriend - when I ask if she's packed everything she says "as long I've got clean knickers & a toothbrush it'll be fine" and I resist the urge to check her suitcase

At 6 and 10 YABU - they won’t have a clue how much or of what to pack. YANBU to tell DH he is in charge of packing a bag for himself and for packing a bag for one child though (and you packing the bag for the other child).

I'm a control freak as well OP, so I just accept that I'll do the planning and packing, as letting someone else do it would make me too stressed.
I do shortlist a few hotels, DH states a preference if any, or I just flip a coin.
I pack for myself and dc, dh obviously does his own.
I really couldn't be dealing with a holiday like yours though, we just do a single destination. I think there's another layer of stress in what you've booked as you effectively need 3 lots of packing.
In all honesty though I don't find it too draining, we've been on many holidays and I have it down to an art now. The only bit I really dislike is the unpacking at the end.

It’s a nightmare but I think they’re too young to pack.

If you have booked this holiday I’d say it’s DHs turn to plan and book the next one. He also needs more practice at helping the kids pack. I’d let him do it this time but double check everything is there.
have a fantastic time

Hmm, no I like to pack. But goodness that's not a last minute type thing.

Many years ago I posted here about my holiday box.

So essentially a box that sits in kids room which I add to. We go one week a year, self catering uk, I still have my box.

Any basic reusable things stay there. Plasters, for example. And the packing list.

I then add a few things every month, half a pack of swim nappies, whatever. Colouring books, treats.

As the holiday gets closer I add more, treats, snacks etc.

I pop in the things I will forget. Calpol, thermometer, poo bags, a few nappy bags, hair clips.

By the time I get to packing I really only need to add clothes.

I don't go and buy loads etc, I just pop in bits as it comes to mind.

What did we forget last time, what I see in shops I think they might like, morning of holiday add chargers and comfort teddy's and done.

I do it all. Every bit, I'm such a control freak.
DC are grown up now but if they come away with us for a weekend break I still do all the planning and take the food / book the restaurants.
I have packing lists and spreadsheets from 30 years of holidays.

I have a spreadsheet with columns for different types of holiday- hot/self catering etc. I then print off the relevant ones and tick off as stuff gets packed! Hen I add things to the spreadsheet after a holiday so don’t forget next time .
5 year old helps while I supervise, 1 year old tries to unpack it all. Have a lovely holiday.

At similar ages I got my kids to choose their own things to pack. I'd have case & say you need to bring me 4 t shirts & shorts/skirts & underwear etc, I then checked it over & put in case. Each would pack a backpack with things like books, games etc...I didn't check this so if they forgot something it was tough luck. I also made sure everyone knew to think in advance if there were any clothes they must have that it was up to them to pop in washing baskets by 4 days before ir it wouldnt be washed & they couldnt take it, DH is biggest offender here of course! By the time they reached high school ages all were able to pack independently, helped along by experience of many scout trips. Of course they forgot things, nothing major but soon learnt to be organised. DD 13 was away last weekend with scouts & even remembered 3 days before to make sure anything she needed washed was done in plenty of time.
It's not all on you, big part of parenting is teaching them skills for life & this is one of them. DH should also be packing more than just his own gear.

I trusted my then 10 year old with packing her bag - everything was laid out on the bed. We'd been to H&M and bought holiday clothes. When we arrived at destination for a 3 week stay she'd actually packed 2 pairs of shorts and 3 t-shirts. Maybe a jumper. And the rest of the bag was filled with loom bands and nail varnish in 20 colours. I totally freaked out 😱She's 19 now and gets annoyed that I STILL ask if she has enough underwear etc.

I am a control freak so don't mind organising everything - but then no-one is allowed to be ungrateful. No effort - suck it up. We stayed near St Tropez one year and after a very long drive arrived at perfectly nice house on a complex. DH asked what the noise was - people having fun in the swimming pool. It seems that he thought we were staying in Elton John's villa or some such and actually went off to cry in the car, he was so disappointed. I was very cross. He did get over himself though.

My dc are good packers because I've always made them to it themselves! I just do a double check e.g. have you packed pjs, have to packed knickers.

I get the soul destroying prep before some holidays - have discovered I prefer not to self-cater because this seems to make things a hundred times worse.