To shower at DPs

[Cocopogo]

DP stayed at mine last weekend and due to various reasons, busy, tired, grieving, prioritising time with DP etc I didn’t shower for two nights nor put usual bath on for DD until Sunday. Cut to yesterday when I was in the office all day, I work in the city where DP lives. I went straight from work to his, then drove us to Waitrose and bought food in for dinner plus a few other things for DP.
Once back at his, I went to get a shower whilst food was in the oven. Except DP stopped me and said hang on a minute, you don’t need to shower here, I said I did, I felt grotty and didn’t want to eat feeling like this. DP said well you didn’t shower all weekend so you can manage until you get home. He then proceeded to point out the weekend and that when DD is at his I always bath her etc. Presumably implying that I freely run his utilities bill up but am more cautious at home. For context he earns 3x more than me and whilst we don’t go halves we general take turns to buy things etc. I know he’s trying to save money to pay a chunk of his mortgage off when the fixed term ends in 3 years but that’s got nothing to do with me.

So what happened, did you have a shower?

🚩🚩🚩 the hills are that way 🔚

...wtf. Maybe he likes you a lil stinky

Well, you really have picked a prince here OP. This is someone you call a partner? And you actually can summon up affection for him? Time to move on.

He is obviously feeling a bit like you’re using his house for hot water and not doing it at your own. He is seeing something unfair.

You didn’t shower or bathe your child at your house all weekend but want to do it at his, when you weren’t staying the night cos he said you could do it when you got home.

How much he earns has nothing to do with you. His savings have nothing to do with you, and his method of saving (cutting down utilities) has nothing to do with you. As you say yourself.

There are plenty posts on here by women complaining that their partners come over and use the hot water rather than use their own at home. Replies always tell the women to tell him to pack it in. So, stop using his utilities rather than your own.

Wash yourself woman, how you went into the office having not showered all weekend is beyond me.

You buy food for both of you but he wont let you use hot water?

Ridiculous.

Don't you mean ex? You should have gone home.

Just wow. In that instance I would have said fine, I'll go home to shower. I would have taken all the food (even the stuff out of the oven), any other things I had in the house and left. Whether I ever went back again would depend on if a grovelling apology was forthcoming. Seriously, this hints at much bigger issues.

@Fourpeasinapodcast apologies I wasn’t clear. I did shower on Sunday evening and every morning before work, I just usually shower in the evenings too. So I missed Friday and Saturday evening.

”He then proceeded to point out the weekend and that when DD is at his I always bath her etc.”

Showers aside, why are you dragging a small child between two homes to assist your dating life?

FGS get some standards, drop him - and next boyfriend, don’t make your child leave her home regularly for sleepovers.

You shower twice a day?

<Misses the point of the thread>

You’re going to get lots of comments on your washing habits (or lack of)!
Presumably you had sex over the weekend when he stayed, the weather was warm..and you didn’t wash for three days or more?
Are you depressed?

However Hes tight as a drum.

You paid for food and bought extra items for him and he’s penny pinching about the price of hot water?

What a turn off.

I told him if I can’t shower then I’m going home. He shrugged and said that’s up to you. I went home and he sent lots of text about DD not bathing on Fri and sat evening but at his she does etc. DD had a bath before school on Friday and again on Sunday so only missed Saturday as we were out until late at a party.

“due to various reasons, busy, tired, grieving, prioritising time with DP etc I didn’t shower for two nights nor put usual bath on for DD until Sunday.”

And just like not dragging your small daughter on your dates, don’t prioritise time with your boyfriend over washing her.
<awaits backtrack>

So you shower every morning and evening?

Your daughter has a bath before school every day? That’s… unusual.

Mine go in the bath before school. It's easier to get them motivated to dress from naked than getting them out of cosy pjs to school uniform. Not that unusual 😂

Right ok. Your washing habits aren’t that relevant, you made it sound as if you hadn’t washed for several days?

If you shower twice a day then you must always have at least one shower when you stay over? So this situation was no different to normal.

You shouldn’t have to justify why you want to wash.

Summary: he’s an arsehole and has a low opinion of you.

I don’t understand how you couldn’t possibly eat on Monday after work if you skipped a shower on Friday and Saturday evening but showered in the mornings, then Sunday evening and Monday morning …

What age is your DD? I also don’t get why you’re dragging her to your boyfriends house to shower.

Why are you with him?

Hang on, so it’s not that you didn’t shower.

You had a shower every morning you just didn’t get to shower in the evening as well.

In that case YABU. 🙄

Hope you took all your food back with you. He sounds odd if that's what he wants to pick a fight about

Further updates indicate he resents spending any money on your daughter and you’re both subjecting her to petty arguments over where she is allowed a bath?

The writings on the wall, don’t ignore.

Why did you mention Waitrose by name?