To shower at DPs

[Cocopogo]

DP stayed at mine last weekend and due to various reasons, busy, tired, grieving, prioritising time with DP etc I didn’t shower for two nights nor put usual bath on for DD until Sunday. Cut to yesterday when I was in the office all day, I work in the city where DP lives. I went straight from work to his, then drove us to Waitrose and bought food in for dinner plus a few other things for DP.
Once back at his, I went to get a shower whilst food was in the oven. Except DP stopped me and said hang on a minute, you don’t need to shower here, I said I did, I felt grotty and didn’t want to eat feeling like this. DP said well you didn’t shower all weekend so you can manage until you get home. He then proceeded to point out the weekend and that when DD is at his I always bath her etc. Presumably implying that I freely run his utilities bill up but am more cautious at home. For context he earns 3x more than me and whilst we don’t go halves we general take turns to buy things etc. I know he’s trying to save money to pay a chunk of his mortgage off when the fixed term ends in 3 years but that’s got nothing to do with me.

''@xyz111
So you shower every morning and evening?''

And? that's a normal routine for many people.

Back to you OP:

Dump him. Any guy who complains because you want a 5 minute shower at his place is not worth your time or energy.

That's not really what your take should be from this (and your other) thread/s

I've changed my vote because there's a difference between needing a shower after not having had one for days and wanting your second shower that day.

Yes he's meant if he's grumbling about your water use but it seems that maybe you are a bit obsessed with showering....

I agree with this. Taking this scenario in isolation (from responses there's obviously much bigger issues at play) I can see why a partner might not be happy with two showers and a bath a day. If you're on a water metre that really adds up, as well as the gas/electric. If it were the other way around and a bloke was doing this people would say he was a cocklodger. Yes OP bought food, but she'd buy food anyway and it sounds like they take it in turns.

However, he sounds like an absolute twat for other reasons and I think the OP needs to break up with him as a matter of urgency.

Look at your many threads in combination, OP. Come on.

girl! We are in the trenches over here honestly.

I have never ever heard of this and would think lowly of somebody who trailed their kids with them on a date

Are people really setting themselves up as judge and jury over whether op “needed” a shower?

She’d been at work all day, who knows what her job involved. I mean working in a hot greasy kitchen for example?
Besides she said a couple of times she didn’t shower all weekend. I think she backtracked to avoid the violent MN disapproval.

What next? Questioning whether she should have eaten food or drunk his water? Hmm did you need that pint of water or did you just “want” it?

I don't really see why you needed a second shower if you'd only had one in the morning. Would understand if it was a really hot day and you'd got really sweaty and horrible but don't think that is the case here. Also did you have clean clothes and underwear to put on because if not what would be the point of having a shower and putting dirty knickers back on?

You call him DP

But he is neither "dear" nor a "partner" if he won't let you wash at his house.

Did you have clean underwear?

This thread and it’s responses are absolutely bizarre. 😂

There is no way I'd be with someone who begrudged me the cost of a shower. What, 50p? That level of penny pinching and mean spirited attitude to someone who is supposed to be your partner would be the finish for me.

Yes I didn't realise we were getting onto underwear now!

OP really looks like there are wider issues than just him restricting access to his bathroom.

So you want a shower, but he wouldn't let you have one? He's either very tight or a controlling arse. Especially after you'd bought dinner. Honestly if he's that bad I'd dump and run - don't engage with him in conversations about who bathed where just bin him. He's ridiculous.

Seriously 🤣🤣🤣

Can I check if I've followed correctly, @Cocopogo ?

You've recently lost your Mum (I'm so sorry, it's such a blow). Your son was celebrwting his 18th birthdy and you all stayed at your boyfriend's house. Your daughter is struggling with some issues, and is around 13 or 14 years old.

Your partner has cheated on you more than once, begrudges you the hot water for a shower but is happy to accept the food you pay for, and argues about whether your daughter is allowed baths there or not.

You've been through a lot and this man isn't being supportive, he's being an undermining cheapskate.

Cut ties with him. You deserve better.

The frequency of showering beforehand is immaterial AFAIC, you felt like you wanted a shower and he refused because he is tight-fisted and sounds unpleasant.

@IamnotSethRogan “Also people are being a bit obtuse "why are you dragging your daughter on dates"? She's presumably a single mother in a relationship. It's not out of the ordinary to bring your daughter with you for dinner at a partners house.”

An occasional dinner, yes - and I wouldn’t have made the comment for an occasional dinner. But this prince of a man is reported on commenting on this girl bathing at his house more than she does at her own home. So this sounds like the girl is regularly brought along. I think that’s wrong. If you’re the single parent with kids, and you’ve reached that stage where you spend weekends with each other not just dates, then you do those weekend in your child’s home. So they don’t spend time away from their home, to fit in with your life.

Have been a dating single mother myself.

It’s not about one off dinners, it’s about regular patterns.

Anyway, it’s ridiculous that OP is getting (rightly) cross over a shower when she didn’t mind him cheating on her twice 🤷🏻‍♀️
Hopefully the shower is the straw, but looking at her posting history it’s all “I know what I must do” and then back to complain again.

@Cocopogo please, do the Freedom programme.

Noooo, she’s not asking to move in rent free! It’s a shower. I would find that level of tightness so unattractive.

OK fair enough. I apologise for my sneery question, ESPECIALLY since yesterday I went in the Waitrose in Portishead (North Somerset) and got some Abernethy biscuits and veggie stock cubes.

@IamnotSethRogan

Also people are being a bit obtuse "why are you dragging your daughter on dates"? She's presumably a single mother in a relationship. It's not out of the ordinary to bring your daughter with you for dinner at a partners house.

Three months ago OP was having her third date with this guy (or he's someone she met even more recently) so it's way too soon for her to be birthing her daughter over to his home let alone every weekend, at his request (see below!)

We usually stay every weekend at his. This is his request as he’s a home bod and prefers this.

This is not a long term, stable and loving relationship her daughter has been sensibly and thoughtfully introduced to.

It's a boyfriend of a couple of months she is now staying in the home of every weekend.

Too much, too soon.

Way too soon to be birthing her daughter at his home

Sorry I realise you’re making some very valid points but that made me laugh 😂 ..especially with no access to washing facilities.

Haha oops!

Bathing not birthing!

So yet another think you bend over backwards for, for him, and make excuses why 🧐

Is this the same dp that proposed and bought his own flat? And moaned about sharing costs on meals out? Is he the same one that cheated on you too?