To shower at DPs

[Cocopogo]

DP stayed at mine last weekend and due to various reasons, busy, tired, grieving, prioritising time with DP etc I didn’t shower for two nights nor put usual bath on for DD until Sunday. Cut to yesterday when I was in the office all day, I work in the city where DP lives. I went straight from work to his, then drove us to Waitrose and bought food in for dinner plus a few other things for DP.
Once back at his, I went to get a shower whilst food was in the oven. Except DP stopped me and said hang on a minute, you don’t need to shower here, I said I did, I felt grotty and didn’t want to eat feeling like this. DP said well you didn’t shower all weekend so you can manage until you get home. He then proceeded to point out the weekend and that when DD is at his I always bath her etc. Presumably implying that I freely run his utilities bill up but am more cautious at home. For context he earns 3x more than me and whilst we don’t go halves we general take turns to buy things etc. I know he’s trying to save money to pay a chunk of his mortgage off when the fixed term ends in 3 years but that’s got nothing to do with me.

Jesus wept. I assumed your daughter was young because you talk about bathing her.
But I did a search on your name to see how hold. Your previous posts about him… and this is what you want to complain about?
I suggest you search your own posts and do the “read it like it’s someone else” thing. I am serious.

Do you really have to ask if it’s unreasonable to shower or bathe your dd at a partner’s house?

Stop second guessing yourself. You’re worth more and so is your daughter than to be treated like this.

I told him I’m going home. He shrugged and said it’s up to you

He may have escalated a petty argument to make you leave. He didn’t want you there, that’s clear.

This is an awful relationship, don’t limp along with him accepting all this disrespect until he dumps you.

So you bought the food to eat at his house. Presumably you bought the food to eat at your house as well?

DP said well you didn’t shower all weekend so you can manage until you get home

Well, did you not shower all weekend or did you shower each morning?

Well now you know how mean he is

dump

You’ve already made threads about how he’s cheated on you twice, accuses you of seeing other guys and gas lights you.

Im sorry you’re going through a bereavement
Do you have close family and friends? You need to surround yourself with people who acknowledge your grief and show you some kindness.

He’s abusive. Your threads show he always has some “issue” which he uses as a stick to beat you with.

That would be the relationship done for me. Financial meanness is not attractive. That he let you go home is wild. Huge red flag. How long have you been together?

I couldn’t understand your personal washing habits but whatever they were I would expect to be able to have a quick shower at my partner’s.
I can’t understand why you are bathing your DD at his, it looks like he’s irritated by this. Maybe he had a point it’s impossible to say without clear details but I wouldn’t like his approach and wouldn’t be able to continue with him, it’s just my personal red flag. Other people might think that he is a keeper being so savvy but it won’t be for me.

It doesn’t matter a jot if OP had showered or not. She felt like she needed one then and he wouldn’t let her use his shower. That’s a red flag.

In light of some of the other comments about your other posts, this seems to be part of a series of issues and it doesn’t sound like there’s a lot to salvage in this relationship.

This relationship is over. He doesn’t have any respect for you and I don’t think you have much for him either.

she have written it out in morse code?

So sick of mean petty women

Yes people shop at Waitrose. Get over it!

Well I don't think I could see a future with someone who can't spare me a shower.

Although maybe you and your DD excessively shower/ bath? Otherwise a very odd reaction.

@Cocopogo

I couldn't be with someone who takes copious note of shower times etc.

He sounds weird and mean!

I thought Waitrose was mentioned to indicate that op is generous towards her partner- buying him the food and drink he requested from an expensive supermarket.

So it’s a further slap in the face to get home and be accused of “stealing” some of his water.

You showered every day, how grotty could you have felt! Plus why is your daughter having baths at his?

You’re not seriously going to continue a relationship with this guy?

It's bad that he's keeping score like this. Especially when you have a DC and your earnings are unequal. Would've been fine for dating, but he's not someone you can consider a partner.

i probably will stop posting forever after this one on mumsnet: UK ladies, what on earth happened to English men???? How he is meant to love you, fancy you, support you, marry you and live with you until death parts you if you, if he cannot afford money even for a shower for you. Your men's mindsets are totally sick.

You’ve already made threads about how he’s cheated on you twice, accuses you of seeing other guys and gas lights you.

Oh okay, he's an arsehole. Forget about the showers and who paid for Waitrose. Deal with the bigger picture and get rid.

This pretty much nails it.

You have a good job and have raised two dc without this man. You don’t need him in your life.

Why did you mention Waitrose by name?

It's fairly obvious. It highlights that OP isn't just going there to free load. She bought with her some nice expensive food.

I think the point the OP was making was that she'd skipped her usual evening shower for various reasons then did have her evening shower at her partners, which he resented. It shows how petty he is that he was keep a track of her shower habits

He sound awful. To begrudge someone a shower and cast up that they previously skipped their usual evening showers. Especially as you've noted part of the reason was that you're grieving. Did he shower at yours ?

Also people are being a bit obtuse "why are you dragging your daughter on dates"? She's presumably a single mother in a relationship. It's not out of the ordinary to bring your daughter with you for dinner at a partners house.

God some people on this thread are ridiculous

I remember Alan Cumming on Graham Norton, telling a story about how he was at an event that Oprah Winfrey was also attending. He said to his friend "I've always dreamt about meeting Oprah".

She overheard and commented "Honey, you gotta get bigger dreams".

FGS OP, get better dreams that a dickhead who whinges about how often you shower at his.

At least now you’ll never have to worry about it again - there is no way I could carry on seeing someone who wouldn’t let me have a quick shower at their home.