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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To shower at DPs

226 replies

Cocopogo · 18/05/2023 08:03

DP stayed at mine last weekend and due to various reasons, busy, tired, grieving, prioritising time with DP etc I didn’t shower for two nights nor put usual bath on for DD until Sunday. Cut to yesterday when I was in the office all day, I work in the city where DP lives. I went straight from work to his, then drove us to Waitrose and bought food in for dinner plus a few other things for DP.
Once back at his, I went to get a shower whilst food was in the oven. Except DP stopped me and said hang on a minute, you don’t need to shower here, I said I did, I felt grotty and didn’t want to eat feeling like this. DP said well you didn’t shower all weekend so you can manage until you get home. He then proceeded to point out the weekend and that when DD is at his I always bath her etc. Presumably implying that I freely run his utilities bill up but am more cautious at home. For context he earns 3x more than me and whilst we don’t go halves we general take turns to buy things etc. I know he’s trying to save money to pay a chunk of his mortgage off when the fixed term ends in 3 years but that’s got nothing to do with me.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/05/2023 09:24

Stop seeing this guy.

SamW98 · 18/05/2023 09:24

Testina · 18/05/2023 08:22

Your daughter has a bath before school every day? That’s… unusual.

Is it really? Not the point of thread but my 18 year old has bathed every morning since he started school.

Not sure how being clean for school/college is considered unusual

orangegato · 18/05/2023 09:27

Omfg really what a tightwad, shower and ask him to mail you an invoice. What a weird chap.

HadEnough2023 · 18/05/2023 09:28

Stop seeing him, what a cheap sake.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/05/2023 09:28

A man who begrudges you a shower is not your partner.

Nanny0gg · 18/05/2023 09:31

He's tight.

There is nothing worse than meanness in a partner

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 18/05/2023 09:31

Pinkdelight3 · 18/05/2023 09:19

You’ve already made threads about how he’s cheated on you twice, accuses you of seeing other guys and gas lights you.

Oh okay, he's an arsehole. Forget about the showers and who paid for Waitrose. Deal with the bigger picture and get rid.

The showering thing is strange and weird but putting the whole relationship
into context please dump this loser!

TheInfusionist · 18/05/2023 09:34

Did he shower at yours over the weekend at all?

Athrawes · 18/05/2023 09:34

If I haven't seen my DP for a few days, turn up at his, pour myself a wine and have a bath, he reads the room - I needed/wanted a bath. Tops up my wine. End of.
Yours is a twat!

ThomasinaLivesHere · 18/05/2023 09:42

BeverlyHa · 18/05/2023 09:17

i probably will stop posting forever after this one on mumsnet: UK ladies, what on earth happened to English men???? How he is meant to love you, fancy you, support you, marry you and live with you until death parts you if you, if he cannot afford money even for a shower for you. Your men's mindsets are totally sick.

Maybe look at your own mindset if you’re going to take it that all men in the UK are like this from a single post on MN. Also pretty sure mean tight people have always existed.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 18/05/2023 09:47

Ghost him. Seriously. Never speak to him again. What the fuck is wrong with him? Just imagine what someone like him would be like to share finances with in the long term.

Absolutely miserable.

Rub.

Twobyfour · 18/05/2023 09:48

So you drove the pair of you to Waitrose and paid for the food and stuff for him and he begrudges you having a shower?

You’ve landed yourself a real tightwad there!

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 18/05/2023 09:49

Just perused your other threads.

You’re vulnerable.

He’s a total cunt.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 18/05/2023 09:55

Just for info, at Christmas he bought his ex girlfriend jewellery and he bought you nothing.

And he won’t even let you take a shower.

This is really, really awful, OP. I hope you realise you don’t deserve to be treated like dog shit by this man.

GuestStars · 18/05/2023 09:59

He’s a tight ass. End the relationship.

Sparkletastic · 18/05/2023 10:01

He resents you and DD using 'his' resources but is happy to use yours and save money to pay off his debts. Dump him.

Chasingadvice · 18/05/2023 10:02

Why do you waste your time with a man who resents your daughter bathing?

On the plus side at least she is bathing now. How is she doing op? I know she was really struggling with hygiene.

Beaverbridge · 18/05/2023 10:02

Dump him.

SmileyClare · 18/05/2023 10:03

II’m sorry if this makes you feel worse, but it’s entirely possible he’s cheating (again) and constructed an argument to make you leave.

Youve been with him years and ALWAYS shower there so it’s an odd petty argument to escalate now to the point of you leaving.

Either that if he just picks battles to make you feel insecure and worthless for his own satisfaction.

Twobyfour · 18/05/2023 10:04

Hope you took the food home with you!

Fraaahnces · 18/05/2023 10:04

He’s happy to eat the food you buy though. What a tight prick.

PhyllisFogg · 18/05/2023 10:07

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 18/05/2023 08:18

You shower twice a day?

<Misses the point of the thread>

Doesn't everyone?

You sweat overnight and who wants to get into bed with day's sweat on them, not to mention the sticky netherregions.

pumpkintits · 18/05/2023 10:09

I just couldn't be with anyone so stingy. Get out and find someone who isn't such a tightwad.

fajitaaa · 18/05/2023 10:09

How long have you known this guy and why is your daughter having baths round his house?

MaidOfSteel · 18/05/2023 10:09

BeverlyHa · 18/05/2023 09:17

i probably will stop posting forever after this one on mumsnet: UK ladies, what on earth happened to English men???? How he is meant to love you, fancy you, support you, marry you and live with you until death parts you if you, if he cannot afford money even for a shower for you. Your men's mindsets are totally sick.

Not everyone in Britain is English. And what a trivialising, generalising comment about what should be a big, red flag to the OP.

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