To shower at DPs

[Cocopogo]

DP stayed at mine last weekend and due to various reasons, busy, tired, grieving, prioritising time with DP etc I didn’t shower for two nights nor put usual bath on for DD until Sunday. Cut to yesterday when I was in the office all day, I work in the city where DP lives. I went straight from work to his, then drove us to Waitrose and bought food in for dinner plus a few other things for DP.
Once back at his, I went to get a shower whilst food was in the oven. Except DP stopped me and said hang on a minute, you don’t need to shower here, I said I did, I felt grotty and didn’t want to eat feeling like this. DP said well you didn’t shower all weekend so you can manage until you get home. He then proceeded to point out the weekend and that when DD is at his I always bath her etc. Presumably implying that I freely run his utilities bill up but am more cautious at home. For context he earns 3x more than me and whilst we don’t go halves we general take turns to buy things etc. I know he’s trying to save money to pay a chunk of his mortgage off when the fixed term ends in 3 years but that’s got nothing to do with me.

If he objects to you showing twice a day I understand how that could be irritating. It was extreme to let you go home rather than relent. I don’t think your a good match TBH.

@Testina small daughter? She’s 5’8”
On dates? It was DC birthday party

Confusion arose about her age because you said “you always bath her”
although who’s to know if she has a disability?

I knew this thread would turn into a debate on showering habits.

Regardless, you’ve made countless threads about his appalling treatment of you. We can’t all be wrong, Get out- I know that’s painful to hear.

@CharlottenBurger i mentioned Waitrose by name I guess to show that I spent more than I would on my Aldi shop so don’t get why he’s splitting hairs over the shower situation

Doesn’t everyone?

You’re joking, right? This comes up on mumsnet almost as often as shoes off vs shoes on in the house.

On mumsnet, certainly not everyone showers twice a day.

Especially not if they are on a water meter

This is such a completely bizarre thread. I can't imagine any scenario where my partner or friend or anyone else I know wouldn't allow me to shower at their home. Dump him immediately.

Anyone - relative, partner etc - who begrudged me a shower at theirs would be no friend of mine.

Even my lousy ex who was an emitmophobe (apologies for spelling, I think I have that incorrectly) let me throw up in his toilet when I was ill and couldn't stay in my own place as it was on the market and there was a viewing.

So a pp said he cheats? He doesn't sound like a good partner.

Those asking why DD baths at his. We usually stay every weekend at his. This is his request as he’s a home bod and prefers this. I don’t mind as it feels like a bit of a break for me. DD prefers his too as she has made friends with the neighbours DD.

PP probably assumed your daughter was a small child because you said you bathed her. Obviously your dd may well have a disability but most people would have automatically assumed she was a young child.

Ask him to come to yours every other weekend and then he won't have to worry about the bills. It's fairer that way.

@BeverlyHa he’s not an English man, I don’t know why you thought he was.

Why on earth are you subjecting your daughter to spending every weekend with this awful man who begrudges her something so simple as a bath.

For her sake end it. He is flashing major red flags. Do not move in with him.

Oh God, it’s a thread where everyone nitpicks the OP’s shower habits instead of focusing on her terrible boyfriend.

“I shower thrice a day but only between the hours of 9pm and 3am, why do you do it differently? Your DP is irrelevant here.”

Coz if she's saving up all her showers for at his house what else is she doing. Does she take her washing there?

Anyway sounds like there's more to this story and he's a cheater so I'd just not bother going back to his tbh OP. I'm sure you can do better

You’ve posted about him quite a lot: he’s cheated on you twice, he thinks you should go 50/50 on everything when you move in despite him earning twice as much as you, and he doesn't want to pay for your DC.

Why are you still with him? I'd focus on your dc - sounds like they need your attention.

@Chasingadvice thanks for asking about DD, she’s doing ok. Up and down. It was a difficult weekend with it being a special birthday for other DC and recent bereavement, the absence was felt but we made the best of it. Her hygiene remain a constant battle, one that I didn’t have the energy to fight on Saturday night when we arrived home at bedtime. She went straight to bed without fuss and I was grateful for that.

I’ve seen threads of this nature before

The question to ask yourself is are you taking advantage of this man?

Also are you saying you take two showers a day?

If you are at his place every weekend - who is buying breakfast, lunch and dinner for you and your daughter?

Does he ever come to your place?

You don’t seem to be able to see the words for the trees here op.

The details don’t really matter. You can keep making threads where we all feel sorry you’re in an abusive relationship and offer advice but no one can save you from him. That needs to come from you.

Di you think you’re vulnerable? Have you had past abusive relationships? There must be a reason you’re putting up with treatment like this and it’s been so normalised you have to keep asking if you’re being unreasonable? 😢

So your dd also bathes at his every Fri, Sat and Sun?

I’ve never seen any other threads about this man

what’s the history then?

@Quitelikeit no I don’t think I’m taking advantage. We take turns to get the shopping in, meals out etc. I don’t contribute to his bills but it’s his choice not to do alternate weekends and I do spend fuel getting to and from his.

Why are you with him? That really is a genuine question and not a snarky one. What do you like about him?

If he cheats and it doesn't appear to be working in other ways? Sorry about your bereavement, it can hit hard.

The backtrack already happened. How OP confused “not showering” with only showering once a day not twice I do not know. I can’t be bothered to comment further on OPs changing story.

Twice daily showers and baths every day isn't really compatible with someone who doesn't like to spend money on water. I wouldn't be surprised if that was just the tip of the iceberg.