WWYD sleepovers

[Justonemoreepisode]

Sorry less of a AIBU and more a what would you do?
DD goes to school with another girl who due to a certain issues can only be looked after by a small group of people, I am one of these. Typical primary aged girls, go through periods of being great friends and periods of barely mentioning each other.

As only a few people can look after this girl we have had her over for various ‘playdates’ and sleepovers to support the parents (when they have nights out, teachers training days etc). Girls have a nice time but these are not instigated by the girls but are more to help out parents.
So the girl is having a day out for her birthday and invited various other children in the class, my daughter has not been invited. She briefly commented when invitations went out but not mentioned or seemed bothered since. However last couple of weeks this girl has been holding ‘private chats’ at school with those invited and actively teasing those who are not invited, including my DD. My daughter has become quite upset by this, not attending the party but whispering and pulling away people she’s playing with to have conversations she’s excluded from.
so here’s the WWYD, we are due to have this girl over again in a few weeks and she has started commenting that she doesn’t have to be nice to my daughter but my dd has to be nice to her and let her do what she wants at our house. My DD is quite upset and perceives that this girl can choose who she has over but DD is ‘forced’ to have over someone who is ‘bullying’ her. I’ve explained that this has already been agreed and it would be difficult for the mum to arrange alternative childcare and that she can have a play date with someone she chooses the next weekend but should I stop this arrangement going forward? I am not particularly friends with this mum but equally recognise how difficult it is for her with minimal alternative support so never minded helping before.

So you’re qualified to look after her but are looking after her for free, while your daughter has her boundaries trashed? Just no. Your priority is your daughter.

Your priority is your own daughter, always, no matter what. Do right by her and leave the issue to the other mum. It's not your problem. Protect your daughters peace and show her you are there for her and her feelings always.

Put your kids feelings first, if your not really friendly with the mum then don't invalidate how this kids making your daughter feel.
I remember my apparent best friend at that age telling me infact she actually doesn't even like me and it changed my view on friendships for life and I still have problems making friends as I didn't ever want to feel that hurt again.
Cancel the playdate and be honest to the mum why your cancelling in a nice way, perhaps the mum isn't aware of her daughters poor behaviour.

Sorry but your child's wellbeing comes first. I stopped my own nephew staying over for similar reasons. Your child has the right to feel safe and secure in their own home. You should be stopping the visits and explain to the mum why.

100% time to stop having the child over. I suspect the child is upset at going to random other people's house anyway. Your daughter needs you, it's time for you to prioritise your family, as lovely as you sound, this situation is out of control. X

Your daughter has to come first, every time.

Reading through the lines, I think I understand the situation.... you need to have a chat with the Mum. Hopefully, the girls will make up at some point -it is an age of up and downs for friendships, but just as the parents need an appropriate setting/adult to ensure their child can go on a sleepover outside of the home- you equally need to ensure that your child feels comfortable too. Dont second guess, just speak to the mum and postpone until girls are both comfortable. Good luck.

If the parents were anything like decent they would have made sure your daughter was invited. Her parents are not your responsibility, your daughter is.

From everything that seems to have been happening with the other child and your daughter, don't do it. It seems like the other parents are using you... the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I've had this happen to my daughter when she was 7. They would come over, bully my child in her own home, etc, the mum was off for days apparently away at university in Oxford. The straw broke for me when I caught them stealing from my home. It's horrible to be backed into a situation like this, but at least you're not friends as such, unlike my situation. So you're in a better stance to say no. Incidentally, why is she only allowed to be "looked after" by a chosen few? DBS checked right? They're using you honey. Don't be a sift touch as it's your DD who is ultimately suffering in her own home. Also, mention this to her school to get this crappie nipped in the bud. Xxx

I don’t get why you even need to ask. Get that bully away from you child’s safe space. Your poor DD.

It’s resolved, people.

Why do people not even bother their arse to at least read the OP’s posts………?

I would speak to the mum and explain what’s been happening at school and it’s not the fact dd wasn’t invited but the fact it’s been used to exclude her so she no longer wants to spend time with the other girl so you are going to have to cancel the sleepover on this occasion. If I was the other mum and only had a small group that helped me out with childcare there’s no way I would let that be ignored when sending invites for the birthday day out.. the arrangement seems a bit onesided between you and the other mum and this is also shown with what the little girl is saying when she said I don’t have to be nice to her.. but she has to be nice to me. Works both ways think the other mum and child need a reminder about that.

I would speak to the parent(s) and if it can’t be smoothed over, I would stop the arrangement with immediate effect.

Sorry but I get that your being kind by helping this child’s parents but your child has to come first everytime & your not doing this; you need to contact the child’s parents & say things have changed & you can’t have their manipulative little brat over after all you don’t need to give a reason; you don’t need to explain; but you do need to put your child first immediately before your this brat hurts her anymore x

This is extreme petty behaviour for 8 year olds and they’re left to much to their own devices. I would be direct and say ‘unfortunately as your daughter is being mean and bullying mine, we can’t host your daughter.’

your daughter has clearly stated she is being bullied at school & by the sounds of it In her own home by this girl. By continuing having the girl stay over again is this not also a form of bullying because and by you. Is this kind of behaviour an example to your daughter?

And the next two posts DIRECTLY after yours ...

😂😂😂

READ THE OP'S UPDATES!!!!!!!

This all sounds very odd, but yes you would be unreasonable to continue to have a child over who has upset your daughter. Stop looking after her she isn’t your problem

I would go to their house to watch the girl so not to let anyone down, but so that my daughter didn’t have to engage with this girl in her own home.

You did your share, you were a good neighbor, but the circumstances have changed. I would not invite a child into my home who was being mean to mine. Why should your child have to be uneasy in her own home? Tell the Mother you no longer can watch her child and explain if asked why.

Your priority is your daughter and if she doesn't feel safe in her own home, free from being tormented then the situation with the other girl must stop, until the situation stops.

I would be speaking to the girls parents, explaining the situation fully and protecting your daughters welfare.

I'd stop the arrangement and tell her mum why.

This is your daughters home and it sounds like this girl is bullying her. Don't bring that bully into your house.

I'm glad you advocated for your DD. Well done

Maybe the other mum can take this as a chance to teach her DD a few lessons in how to treat others. I hope she received your comments with good grace.

🤪

They’d all be great people to have around days after an emergency.