WWYD sleepovers

[Justonemoreepisode]

Sorry less of a AIBU and more a what would you do?
DD goes to school with another girl who due to a certain issues can only be looked after by a small group of people, I am one of these. Typical primary aged girls, go through periods of being great friends and periods of barely mentioning each other.

As only a few people can look after this girl we have had her over for various ‘playdates’ and sleepovers to support the parents (when they have nights out, teachers training days etc). Girls have a nice time but these are not instigated by the girls but are more to help out parents.
So the girl is having a day out for her birthday and invited various other children in the class, my daughter has not been invited. She briefly commented when invitations went out but not mentioned or seemed bothered since. However last couple of weeks this girl has been holding ‘private chats’ at school with those invited and actively teasing those who are not invited, including my DD. My daughter has become quite upset by this, not attending the party but whispering and pulling away people she’s playing with to have conversations she’s excluded from.
so here’s the WWYD, we are due to have this girl over again in a few weeks and she has started commenting that she doesn’t have to be nice to my daughter but my dd has to be nice to her and let her do what she wants at our house. My DD is quite upset and perceives that this girl can choose who she has over but DD is ‘forced’ to have over someone who is ‘bullying’ her. I’ve explained that this has already been agreed and it would be difficult for the mum to arrange alternative childcare and that she can have a play date with someone she chooses the next weekend but should I stop this arrangement going forward? I am not particularly friends with this mum but equally recognise how difficult it is for her with minimal alternative support so never minded helping before.

Do not have her over. Listen to your child. She’s doesn’t want her around because of the bullying.

let the mum know as well. Don’t be scared to tell her .

Cancel the girl coming over, your daughter is your priority. Do not make her feel uncomfortable in her own home.

Absolutely stop this arrangement,this girl is bullying her,not just that but actively engaging others in this bullying. If you let this girl in your home you are facilitating this abuse and it will get worse .
The first thing you must do though is go and calmly speak to the parents and tell them what their child has been doing,that you want the bullying to stop and you will no longer be allowing her in your home and expect a full apology,you should also inform the school.
Your daughter may say she doesn’t want a fuss and worry it’ll get worse,but if this child is disciplined she will then lose the power and look ridiculous amongst her peers and lose her following.
Your child is far more important than this arrangement and they will have to deal with it, having their childcare interfered with will soon concentrate their efforts on disciplining their little darling.

Cancel the impending sleepover and end the agreement. Your daughter has communicated her feelings to you, make her feel heard and advocate for her.

How was the mum when you spoke about it, OP? Hope it wasn't too uncomfortable a conversation

Little girls... ewwwww

I would not be having this child over again, unless there was an apology from them and they start being nice to your DD going forward. I’d be telling the mum exactly what’s happened and also the school should be having words with this girl and anyone else involved in the bullying to tell them it’s not acceptable behaviour.

Do not have this girl into your home. Your daughter ms feelings have to come first.

You need to speak to her mum, she probably doesn’t know about this & should put a stop to it.

Your daughter not getting an invite is a bit questionable considering the situation but it may be she can only have a certain number of friends for financial reasons. It sounds like your daughter isn’t phased by this anyway but the bullying is not acceptable.

The entitlement of some people can be shocking & the things she is saying sounds like things she has been told or has over heard.

Regardless the only way forward is to speak to her mum. I would also speak to school as other children are being bullied & may not feel like they can speak up.

You sound kind and lovely OP. The other family clearly didn't appreciate you, their loss.

RTFT people. OP has dealt with it! Mean girl isn't coming. 8 is definitely old enough to know not to leave other purposefully out.

What I don't get is how rude the other mum is to not invite your dd to her dd's party. I mean seriously. It's like the threads where people invite 'friends' who eat, drink and sleep over without ever contributing or reciprocating. Who are the clueless self absorbed people?!?