Letting children wee in the night yes or no?

[ToWeeornotToWee]

Do you let your children wee during the night? I’m talking school age children who are old enough to hold out till morning.

Imagine the noise of them using the toilet wakes up the grown ups in the house disturbing their sleep.

Does that change your opinion?

Edited by MNHQ to add that there's a bit of a vital update from the OP that should be read before responding later in the thread

He is being absolutely awful and cruel. I needed a wee in the night often as a child and still do now. It’s a very rare night that I don’t. In fact it’s noteable if I don’t it’s so rare. Many people of different ages need a wee during the night.

So glad OP is dealing with this awful treatment of the children.

Good luck OP with your level 2. You're doing the right thing. He's cruel and this is such controlling behaviour. Your children deserve better.

OP, I came across a dad similar to your ex and ended up reporting him to safeguarding for something quite minor but I felt it could have been part of something more. He also worked in education.

Could you also mention it to your children’s school? Report it to whoever is head of safeguarding, the teacher, TAs etc. They will realise how cruel and controlling he’s being. You need them to be on the look out for any other signs of control, hopefully they’ll report it to the right person.

You can't expect people to just hold on if they need to pee. Never heard of anything as ridiculous. As for noise we don't flush in the night if it's only a pee

I NEVER understand when people say flushing the toilet at night wakes other people up. That has never been my experience. Must be some gnarly plumbing

So what should they do then if they want to wee in the night cross their legs till morning !

This must be so upsetting OP, poor you and your poor kids. I hope you get it sorted x

I know. From personal experience, people like that don't co parent or even parallel parent, they outright counter parent.

Your told your kids to do all that?

And you’ve only just realized that this is madness?

Unbelievable.

Lots of people don’t flush after eve wee, I’d suggest they aim not to flush after night time wees but go if they need. Sounds like you’re well out.

Did he ask you in writing to do this too? If so use that when you report.

Are you for real OP? Of course they should go to the toilet fgs

Did you even read the whole first post or just thread title?

I've read whole thread

What I don't get is how does the ex think the kids will be able to hold it in

If you need to go , you need to go

I seem to wee least once in the night 3/4am

Dd6 has the bladder of a camel and since she was 3 , wees at 6/630pm and sleeps all night and won't need a week till 730/830 and I make her go for a week so can hold in for 14hrs if need be

What does he want. Kids to wet theirselves ? Not be able to sleep as desperate 🥲🥲

Tell Ed to get earplugs for new partner

What your ex is doing is abuse. You need to make sure that you get all your evidence together, in one place (print out screenshots of texts, emails, etc.

When dealing with a master manipulator, you absolutely must make sure everything is in writing, so emails are the preferred method of contact.

From here on out, keep a journal of everything. Every single time they leave for their dad’s house and what happens when they come back.

With regard to DD and periods. Get a pencil case and fill it with pads (with wings, so she knows it’s secure), some of those nappy bags (you can get biodegradable ones), and a spare pair of undies. Make sure that you show her how to put the pads on, and that she should secure them in the bag. Hopefully this will take some of the anxiety away.

Next step - take them to the GP, explain about the anxiety. Get everything documented. Allow the children to speak to the GP alone if necessary, so that there can be no accusations of leading the children, or scripting conversations.

With regards to your own mental health and absurd accusations - first, go and speak to your own GP, get a referral to a counsellor and get some assessments done for PTSD, anxiety and depression. Getting assessed can only help you! How? Because then you can show that your own mental health has suffered because of him. You didn’t just suddenly wake up one day and you were a “wobbling mess”; he did that to you.

If you don’t already have one, get a solicitor so that they can also document everything and speak on your behalf.

I'm assuming you’re in the UK. Do children have an advocate for family court? If not, can they get one? Someone who can speak for the children and who’s independent would be a good idea.

Finally, I’m not sure if things have changed over there, but at one time, family court proceedings weren’t allowed to be spoken about. If that’s still the case, be careful about what you say.

I really hope that things will change for you and your children and that your ex and his new partner come to realise that you cannot be bullied anymore ❤️

So sorry your kids are going through this.

I feel for you with having to deal with the ex. My ex is similar in how he reacts when I have to tell him the kids aren’t happy about something. It’s always an argument and I’ve had the ‘im putting words into the kids mouths or they’re just telling me what I want to hear’ crap. It’s always mentally draining but I know it needs to be done each time as my kids need me to be their voice for them.

There’s been some good advice on here; speak to social services, their GP to mention tummy aches, anxiety etc as they can put in a safeguarding. Pretty sure you can put in a safeguarding yourself anonymously so he wouldn’t even know where it came from.

Best of luck with it all. We’re all behind you, you’re doing the right thing x

Has DD been assessed for her bladder? There are various trigger points, if you like, that tell you when you need a wee. Not going for that long could potentially stretch her bladder (nurses bladder) and that can lead to problems later on in life.

If you can, could you keep a bladder chart? That’s how much fluid (drinks, ice cream, jelly, soup, custard…you get the idea) that she’s taking in and then measuring her output (would she urinate into a jug?), just to check that she’s holding more than one litre in her bladder, that it’s the correct colour (light yellow and see through) and that it’s isn’t malodorous. Basically mls in and mls out, to make sure she’s not retaining any urine and that everything is all good.

That way, you can go to the GP, with the bladder chart (and yes, some is just guesstimates as who really knows how much gravy is on your dinner 🙄, bladder charts are the worst thing to fill out for patients!) and then the GP can discuss next steps (if any are needed).

Once a nurse, always a nurse! It’s a curse!

My childhood friend had a stepfather who would not allow anyone to wee during the night, sleepovers were horrific.

OP if you don’t want to ask child services redirect to you family doctor to make the referral for you so you have proper support when he escalates the abuse.

Jesus wept.

Jeez, that's utter madness.

They may as well fill up a big cup with wee and then empty it all over their dad's bed in protest. I am very sorry that this is happening to your kids, how awful. I hope it's sorted soon, they don't deserve that.

Gracious - I pray you are a troll.

As a child I avoided going to the loo in the night - just because the house was very cold. I got really bad cystitis, which then caused bladder issues in the day - you can imagine what that was like at school. This absolutely is a health issue and pps are absolutely right re social services, go and if necessary court.

Gracious, I pray you read the whole thread. Or even just the OP

Fair call but fuck me her ex is a abusive cunt who shouldn’t have children unsupervised if he thinks this is normal. You shouldn’t have to ask strangers if this is normal

• GP and if necessary Court, that was meant to say