To not allow DD to go on school trip for breaking phones?

[Feefoog]

My DD 10 yo DD has broken her phone. I thought fine I have a spare one. DDs put a pin on the spare factory reset model. I have reset the phone but it says put in previous users emails. I've tried both mine and DDs emails, I think she's created an email to get round family link and screen time she said she might have done this. I'm really mad she's effectively broken 2 phones and broken my trust . She has a phone to walk to and from school so needs one, she has a school residential that's £310 which is already expensive. It's not so much about the money its that she shows no regard for rules, money or possessions.

AIBU to refuse to pay for this school trip as she needs a new phone well 2 phones really hers and the spare. She has already been snowboarding this year and will be having 2 weeks in Greece in August so its not like she won't be having trips away.

Depends where you live but I'm in a village and my 10 year old isn't allowed out to roam on his bike!

That is a worry imo.

Ban all screens for a while.

Having said that we don't have screen time limits either. As long as my kids do their homework, and do their 4 hobbies they can do what they want the rest of the time. I honestly think that by not limiting it, they self regulate.

My mum didn’t let me collect my gcse results for being late home. I’m still angry years later. The residential is a big thing. It’s ott to cancel it.

You shouldn’t let a 10 year old have a smart phone anyway, asking for trouble. Let her go on her trip and get her a Nokia

A cheap phone is the only option here if you feel better with her having a phone. She can contact you and vice versa. Im finding phones are being used a babysitter though these days which seems to be happening more and more. Using a phone to track your dd isn’t really any good as if she’s as savvy as she sounds i’m sure she could leave her phone in a place you wouldn’t mind her being and head off elsewhere. She should know exactly where she is allowed and if you need her and don’t find her in those streets or areas then she doesn’t get out again for x amount of time. I think she needs to learn that if she doesn’t follow your rules then there will be consequences for those actions, missing a school residential isn’t the right move in this case.

Let her go, but get her a basic pay as you go phone with no data. It will be cheap and will help her appreciate the next proper phone she gets in a year’s time if she is lucky.

Mine didn’t have phones until they started college, worked weekends and bought their own. I don’t understand this phone thing.

Accidents happen let her go and buy a cheap phone

TBF I'd be cross about the phone too, your DD needs to learn for every action there is a consequence which, depending on what she's done can be either good or bad and in this case the consequence is she can have a phone but it's going to be a bog standard phone call/text message one.

The school trip should still be allowed as it really isn't anything to do with the phone scenario.

She lives in a village and what do you propose she does sit in her room? She goes on her bike from around 4-5pm with friends and no I won't restrict her doing that I did the same and it was lovely. It helps keep her fit and active not sedentary.

No phone at all for six months, no access to devices for six weeks, then review. In those time frames she needs to earn back your trust and show she understands why trust is important in relationships. Seems weird to cancel the trip given it is unrelated to the phones.

She said her friend had no screen time limits or blocks they are older parents so might not know how to set it up.

is this a joke? Are they 95 or something? I’m sure ‘older parents’ can work technology. They can also parent their kids well too funnily enough

Yes. That’s because you don’t have children now. In 2023. If your children are adults and getting a phone was considered average at college age then I’m afraid you are wildly out of touch with pre teens and teens now.
You parents must have wondered why you did or didn’t do a great many things when you were raising your children. Things change.

I’d lean more towards if she can’t manage to look after a smart phone she gets a basic £20 phone, suitable for the purpose of needing to contact you on her walk to and from school

OP I have kids the same age and stage.
Personally I think it would be a Nokia phone for a while and I would also buy an air tag or similar so you can track her when she is out- I like to track mine too and wouldn’t want them out without a tracker.

No getting a smart phone for y6 isn’t asking for trouble- quite the opposite actually in the long run as they are off to secondary in a few months where 99% of kids will have smart phones. Knowing how to use one, look after one, tackling and issues and how to stay safe, any teething problems and how to be appropriate in texts and chats now is imperative. Primary school is a generally a safe, more innocent place to do this before getting into a large secondary school.

I still don't see the link between needing a phone otherwise having to sit in her room.

She can take a watch and needs to be back in at 5pm. If she is late she loses the privilege of being allowed out for an hour and it becomes 30 mins.

I think the punishment wherever possible should be a natural consequence. So a cheap pay as you go phone if she needs one. The school trip is not related in anyway.

Good grief, you ask if you’re being unreasonable to cancel her holiday when she’s already been snowboarding and is going away in August,that’s a big fat no. Frankly she sounds a bit spoilt,especially if she’s done this repeatedly , she certainly doesn’t seem to be afraid of your attempts at discipline so I would say that she needs to learn you are serious ,more importantly,that there are repercussions for bad behaviour.
Your safeguards are there for her benefit,she is flagrantly breaking those rules, so you now have to make sure she behaves so she doesn’t endanger herself , she could get herself into all sorts of bother.I’d cancel the holiday and tell her it’s for her own good because you cannot trust her not to put herself in harms way ,so she’s staying where you can keep an eye on her.
If she’s doing this at ten and you don’t nip it in the bud, can you imagine the joy you’re storing up for the teenage years?

Not rtft but a phone shop should be able to get around the email issue. I had the same with my daughter she forgot the email she put in and it cost £25 and took about a week to sort out.

I’d be mad too but I don’t think your logic to ban her from the school trip rather than things that are dependent on her phone is quite right.

I’d go with here’s a £10 bog standard Nokia it doesn’t have GPS like your last phone which means you can’t do x, y and z that you like to. It means we can go on walks together to get out/fresh air but I can’t let you go alone except for to and from school…. Keep it up for a few weeks and when you know she’s sorry replace the phone. I wouldn’t ban her from a school trip it’s not related and that’s something she won’t forget I remember my year 6 trip well 25 years later!

She broke your tablet.

Replacing this will cost money. That would be one argument to not pay the school trip, yes.

I would however wonder whether this is actually the way to go.

If I was you I would be very worried about your DD's behaviour. What is she trying to hide? Is she at risk of grooming? Unsafe behaviour? A perpetrator or victim of bullying?

Is this phone/screen addiction?

Separating her from her peers by not allowing her to go on the trip may increase some of the above risks and worsen the situation.

An old Nokia or similar does however sound like a great idea.

You could forbid screen time entirely or only allow it under direct supervision (watching a movie together, researching for a school project together).

Is there any way to recover the lost data? I strongly believe that this would be advisable if at all possible.

There are ways to bypass the system
can you screen shot

Because the OP would like to track where her daughter is and also be able to phone her / or daughter phone mum if needs be.

Way over the top. Pick her up a £5 Nokia and that is punishment enough. She can save for a new phone. Don't deny her the school trip bless her..

Sorry if this is besides the point but the phones don't sound broken, surely there's a workaround the email thing?

Seems like a very harsh thing to do.