To not allow DD to go on school trip for breaking phones?

[Feefoog]

My DD 10 yo DD has broken her phone. I thought fine I have a spare one. DDs put a pin on the spare factory reset model. I have reset the phone but it says put in previous users emails. I've tried both mine and DDs emails, I think she's created an email to get round family link and screen time she said she might have done this. I'm really mad she's effectively broken 2 phones and broken my trust . She has a phone to walk to and from school so needs one, she has a school residential that's £310 which is already expensive. It's not so much about the money its that she shows no regard for rules, money or possessions.

AIBU to refuse to pay for this school trip as she needs a new phone well 2 phones really hers and the spare. She has already been snowboarding this year and will be having 2 weeks in Greece in August so its not like she won't be having trips away.

i don’t believe that phones provide security for 10 year olds but that’s another story. I’d prefer to expand her mind with travel
and experience and buy her a really cheap phone if you insist on her having one. Good luck whatever you decide parenting is tough sometimes

I don't know if you know this but you can set up in screen time the capability of not been able to
Add new numbers without your pin code (that you would need to set up)
Delete messages
Block particular websites
Block apps that are downloaded
Restrict times on apps
Block the app store
Have pin only access to download an app.

And much more.

I've done this with MY kids.. They hate it. But I'm keeping them safe.

I think the whole school trip/broken phone issue is beside the point. Your daughter is demonstrating some very worrying behaviours which are not really age appropriate and should be a grave cause for concern. This desperation for access, repeated lies about forgetting log-in details and deleting texts is neither normal or healthy. SHE IS 10 YEARS OLD! A child. I think you need to speak to the school about this and ban all kinds of online communication until she is emotionally mature enough to deal with it. Sorry, but a lot of this is your fault.

Let her go on the trip mainly because there could be future school work based on what they did/learned there and she might miss out

but I second the other suggestions to buy her a £20 brick phone until she proves herself trustworthy enough for a better one

trust me, at her age the shame of having a rubbish phone will be punishment enough to teach a lesson

Again I go against the thread, this is not the first time and whatever punishment you laid out last time didn't work so you were not tough enough. I absolutely would cancel the trip, no way would my chidl be getting a treat of any kind let alone so expensive after what she had doen and more than once. Yeah I'm a tough Mum but I jave a respectful child who woudlnt even think about doing something like that cause he knows there would be consequences and he wouldn't like that .

What kind of trip is that much for two nights?

I cannot even imagine paying that much for two nights. 😳😵😬

Thank you! I was thinking the exact same thing. This doesn't sound like normal 10-yr-old behavior to me. The only children in my life now are older, in their teens, but even now, they don't do all of that.

I would find it very disconcerting and concerning to have a young child behave like she is behaving.

I get a "link broken or page removed" message.

I am very concerned for your daughter's safety; I am quite sure from what you have described that she is being groomed. Investigate right away. No 10-year-old should have secrets from parents, particularly in regard to online safety.

https://www.cambs.police.uk/news/cambridgeshire/news/2023/may/paedophile-jailed/

here’s the Cambs Constabulary link rather than Facebook

I am very glad somebody mentioned this again.

It was my initial reaction (which I voiced in my comment yesterday) but I was worried OP may not pick up on it (seeing as I seemed to be in a very small minority).

Phone addiction or bullying (getting bullied or being a bully) are also a possibility IMO.

But yes, I would be extremely worried as well.

10 years old is just a bit too young for a phone so I probably wouldn't be too harsh on her. Get her a basic phone if she really does need one and let her go on the trip.

DD must have seen the OP typing the pin. I have seen this happen at MIL's house regarding her PC's screen time. Her GS was even younger than the OP's DD. I still don't understand why people give their primary school age children phones. When DS was taking the bus after school in Y7 another boy asked for "your phone" to steal it! DS had no phone.

Cheap phone until she can learn the value of a more expensive one. The tablet is yours and she's not to take things that aren't hers. If she does, you will take her things as a consequence. If she bypasses parental controls/screentime/deletes texts/breaks other rules of usage she is grounded. You've already explained to her why those rules exist and she is simply ignoring your parental decisions. She is 10 and her access to technology should very much be controlled as she is a prime age for grooming. There will be more freedom when she's 15 and able to start being treated as a young adult with more privacy, but she is 10.

I'm confused as you seen to be avoiding, glossing over the advise everyone is giving you.

10 is too young for a smartphone, especially if she is showing you how irresponsible she can be with it.

Get her a cheap phone that can make calls and text. That's all she needs to get to school and back.

Let her go on her trip.

The natural consequence for this, is not being allowed a smartphone. Simple.

10yr olds don't need internet

Esp
Ones that ignore your wishes and delib break the rules

natural consequences work best. they are the ones where nothing happens and the consequence still occurs. eg you break your phone, the spare has been bypassed by you in the past and consequently won't open. result without any input = no phone to use

if the school trip hasn't yet been paid for then you could give her the choice of new phone or trip.
if it's not been paid for you could spend the money on a phone because you want her to have a phone, and have none left for the trip. that would be a logical consequence. there is a bit of learning there...

but she won't learn if you just cancel the trip that costs and you still have to pay. that'd be an illogical consequence.

if you need the respite and you cancel the trip you are giving yourself a natural consequence! we did that! taking tv away from demanding teen = no tv for her = nightmare evening of crazy questions to answer and no respite from it for us.

She's way too young for expensive possessions and phones like this. Give her a brick phone and an airtag until she she is much older. Tell her not to delete texts.

You gave a really young child a really expensive piece of equipment and now you're threatening to take away something every child should be entitled to.... Yes YABU

My child didn't get his phone until he finished year 6. My current 10 year old will be the same.

She sounds completely spoilt. No wonder she doesn’t give a shit…