To not allow DD to go on school trip for breaking phones?

[Feefoog]

My DD 10 yo DD has broken her phone. I thought fine I have a spare one. DDs put a pin on the spare factory reset model. I have reset the phone but it says put in previous users emails. I've tried both mine and DDs emails, I think she's created an email to get round family link and screen time she said she might have done this. I'm really mad she's effectively broken 2 phones and broken my trust . She has a phone to walk to and from school so needs one, she has a school residential that's £310 which is already expensive. It's not so much about the money its that she shows no regard for rules, money or possessions.

AIBU to refuse to pay for this school trip as she needs a new phone well 2 phones really hers and the spare. She has already been snowboarding this year and will be having 2 weeks in Greece in August so its not like she won't be having trips away.

She doesn’t need a phone at all…

No, I agree. I was bemused at the idea of an "embarrassing" phone for a 10 year old...

A natural consequence is lack of phone/cheap embarrassing rubbish phone

Not the school trip which if you were going to afford in the first place, then you can afford it now (not that I would send a child on such an expensive trip personally but you were going to anyway)

With regard to the other devices, you need to set them up so that she cant access them, face recognition/thumbprint sort of things. Or much harder passwords, she doesnt need to have been clever to work it out, you might have put in something ridiculous like I do probably which is simple and straightforward.

But she certainly needs to feel the consequences

I don’t think the punishment “fits the crime”. Get her a £20 Nokia, that’s the appropriate punishment.

I think I would address her addiction before buying her any more tech.
Why does she need a phone to walk home? Obviously you are at home so would know if she wasn’t home by a certain time to start walking to look for her?

The school won't be very happy if she doesn't go. They will have to pay most of the costs I imagine, as they won't get a discount on things like the coach if one less goes. They will also have to deal with her in another class those days. I know this isn't really your problem, but seems a bit unfair to the school.

I would tell her she has to replace the phones and give her options of how to e.g. earn the money, give up something else to save money.

I think the year 6 residential is an important rite of passage for most kids and I would not stop a child who wanted to go from going. I would however find other ways to make sure there were consequences for her behaviour around the phone/tablet and trying to get around the restrictions. I'd set a very tricky password that she can't get around and I'd do the £20 phone option - ideally finding a way for her to pay for it.

Is it a trip that most of the class is going on? If so, yeah that’s far too harsh a punishment. Primary school whole class trips are a much bigger deal to miss out on than a high school trip that only some children go on.

Just don’t give her access to a smartphone. She doesn’t need one and that’s a much clearer consequence for her actions anyway.

Actually if she's that clever why can't she access the phone so you can change the password?

I think you have a much bigger problem than broken phones. Your 10 yr old is already outsmarting you regarding screen boundaries and your response is to ban a trip which I assume would be screen free. Maybe stop allowing smart phones/tablets and work on boundaries. She is 10, it will be so much harder when she is older.

The vast majority of children have safely walked to and from school without a phone for decades. Why does she need one?

I think you need to take some responsibility here too. She has had 2 phones, you say they are broken but it sounds like 1 is just locked probably a simple fix in a phone shop. What kind of monitoring are you doing? Why does she still have access to the devices after her screen time is up?

I think you should let her go on the trip. It is about more than the 2 days my BF and I still talk about our year 6 residential 25 years later (Joe fell in the pond it was hilarious!).

Your ten year old child is showing you that she isn't old enough for smartphones and tablets.

Whether you let her go on the school the trip is completely unrelated, it makes no sense to use this as a deterrent. There are lessons to be learned here by both of you.

The way you deal with it is to get her the cheapest phone in the shop that she can call or text you on.

I would prioritise a school trip over a new phone.

Get the old one fixed and let her earn it back, but don't cancel the trip.

You need to talk to her seriously about the reasons behind parental controls. She sound like she has the sort of interest that could make her a computer whizz-kid

A 10 year old doesn't need an expensive phone or an expensive 2 trip. Until she gives the email address refuse to let her go. If you have already threatened her with not going you can't go back on your word or she will always be sneaky.

Change the punishment to a ban on screens and let her go on the trip. Going away and doing screen free activities will be good for her.

Neither DDs primary or secondary allowed phones so she never had one to walk to school with. She managed fine. If she needs to call get a basic one

The school don't get any say in who doesn't go, 300 odd quid will be too much for some parents to afford

She has shown that she can't be trusted with smart devices , I'd be more concerned about that than her breaking a phone

I'd be getting her one with no Internet access until she agrees to stick to your rules

Natural consequences, no phone. Generations of children managed before the invention of mobiles. She clearly isn't old enough to have one.

I would not pay the residential until she gives you the email and passwords.God only knows what she is doing on that phone. She could be in danger. I'd also only buy the cheapie phone emergency use only

In the US, we have Tracfone, where you just pay for minutes. I don't know if you have, but it's probably something similar. Just give her enough to test her. She doesn't get any more minutes if she doesn't behave.

Strengthen your passwords. Let her go on trip. Don't replace the phone.

I agree with you all I'm going to ban her access to screens. I've also sat her down and told her why there's screentime and parental controls. To keep her safe as there's many bad people and things on the Internet. She needs a good night's sleep to feel well.

I don't know what to do with my devices I'm getting worried she will quickly learn how to bypass them. Ive told DH i might get a safe. This is the 3rd time I've caught her trying to bypass internet security.

You’d be completely unfair to force her to miss a trip almost all her class will be going on and it’s a completely unrelated consequence. She’s a child, you as the adult gave her addictive and expensive technology while still in primary school, it’s as much your fault as hers.

Frankly if you’ve been outwitted by a ten year old you need to educate yourself about devices and security before she has access to them again. Until then the far more logical lasting consequence here is she’s not mature enough to handle iPads and smart phones appropriately, so she gets a basic calls and texts only phone until she’s more grown up.

Natural consequence for you I think. No kid that age should have a smart phone.

Residentials arent comparable to family holidays OP. You're focusing on the wrong thing here

If she needs a phone then as has been said she gets a cheap pay as you go that doesn't access the internet. She has to earn trust back and it might take a few years.