To not allow DD to go on school trip for breaking phones?

[Feefoog]

My DD 10 yo DD has broken her phone. I thought fine I have a spare one. DDs put a pin on the spare factory reset model. I have reset the phone but it says put in previous users emails. I've tried both mine and DDs emails, I think she's created an email to get round family link and screen time she said she might have done this. I'm really mad she's effectively broken 2 phones and broken my trust . She has a phone to walk to and from school so needs one, she has a school residential that's £310 which is already expensive. It's not so much about the money its that she shows no regard for rules, money or possessions.

AIBU to refuse to pay for this school trip as she needs a new phone well 2 phones really hers and the spare. She has already been snowboarding this year and will be having 2 weeks in Greece in August so its not like she won't be having trips away.

I’d be much more worried that she’s actively bypassing the security measures on your devices and her phone - a good indication she’s not mature enough for unsupervised access and for that reason I’d be removing her phone and access to any devices, not finding a replacement unless is was a brick or one of the cheap watches you can phone her on.

My two know I’ll look at their phones at any time for any reason, look at their messages and browsing history etc etc. If for any reason they’re reluctant to show me or change the passcode they lose the phone/device. By passing screen limits, creating new emails or profiles is an absolute no for me, I wouldn’t be replacing the phone, and certainly wouldn’t be taking them off a school trip to pay for it. They’d be going without a phone.

To me, the consequence should be related to the behaviour, so I would not cancel the trip. I would just not replace the phone.

The breaking of the phone is an accident. I have smashed more phones than most as I am accident prone, so wouldn't see thst as an issue. The security controls part is though. Get the device reset and only accessible with your fingerprint so there is no code to guess. Then she can have some screen time when you are there to supervise, but not alone looking at unsuitable content.

This and factory reset the other one or take it to a place that can. Change the WiFi, iplayer, and Netflix password and tell her she can earn them back when she earns your respect agsin.

Another saying the punishment doesn’t fit, so the punishment should be no internet access without adult supervision. At all, until year 7/she’s proved herself to be capable.

remove the phone, she gets an old dumb phone with no internet access if you want her to have a phone for the school walk ( something like this )

your tablet is removed to a locked drawer (with key). She is not allowed access without you there, 1 hour a day max, you set a timer, she doesn’t touch it apart from that.

at 10 if she’s trying to find ways round parental controls, she’s already got a problem with screen usage.

I dont understand how she's "broken" the second phone.

Personally I wouldn’t even let her have a brick phone, but if you do, make it really uncool - get one of the phones with giant buttons that are marketed towards the elderly!

Better still, “threaten” her with one of these Doro phones that don’t even have a keypad! https://www.doro.com/en-gb/shop/mobile-devices/easy-phones/doro-780x-iup/?variationCode=7978&gclid=CjwKCAjwjYKjBhB5EiwAiFdSfnIozygLWbrwgr2hbCJrPcJC7KfZAKms3onCMEj8afbkBJYDtmSE-xoCiw4QAvD_BwE

If the school trip is one that the whole year group goes to it seems harsh to not let her go because she broke a phone and forgot a password to another.

I think it makes more sense to just not replace the phone as I can't imagine a 10 year old really needs a phone - if you are close enough for her to walk to school does she really need one for that? And I imagine not having a phone for a year or 2 would encourage someone to look after a phone/other things more than missing a school trip.

I don't think a ten year old.needs a phone but she does need to go on the school residential trip which presumably isn't a holiday.
Tennis still very young It sounds as though she has become very obsessed with technology does she have any other hobbies or interests?

Agree with this.
She is showing you she isn't mature enough to own a phone, time to be the parent.

So pretty much everyone agrees:

1. Get her a cheap brick phone for now
2. Let her go on the trip because it's important and nothing to do with the phone issues
3. The real issue is her desperation to bypass your limits (and unless she's a code-cracking genius, it's on you to use better passwords etc

We bought a cheap PAYG phone that made calls and texts and that was it. Whenever she had her phone confiscated she got that one instead. She could call if needed and that was enough. Could you do that?

I suspect you would have to pay for the trip now anyway. Agree get her a brick phone for emergencies, confiscate iPad/tablet and delete any unauthorised accounts. When she needs a smartphone again, once she has earned your trust, limit and cap data usage and part of the deal is that it has to be linked to a family account and you have right of access a d monitor her activities.

I’d be much more worried that she’s actively bypassing the security measures on your devices and her phone - a good indication she’s not mature enough for unsupervised access and for that reason I’d be removing her phone and access to any devices, not finding a replacement unless is was a brick or one of the cheap watches you can phone her on.

This. I'm eye rolling the idea that she needs a phone at all for a short walk, but if she really must have one, get her a brick.

And do send her on the residential - without a bloody phone. As another poster said, a school trip which presumably would be without screens would actually be good for her. The residential also has nothing to do with the phones so as a punishment it makes no sense.

As she proved herself untrustworthy. Give her a phone that only allows texts and calls .

I wouldn't pay for the trip. She needs to be more responsible.

Why does she NEED a phone to walk to school? What for?

She is clearly very smart being able to bypass security systems, but she has also shown she cannot be trusted with a phone.

When my DS attempted something similar earlier this year (he is 12) then he got a 1 month screen ban. He did it again and queue another 1 month screen ban. Needless to say it has now learned his lesson and all devices are handed over at 8pm!

If she NEEDS a phone for school then just get her a basic one that makes phone calls, or a tracking watch that you can call specific numbers from.

Your own fault for giving an expensive smart phone to a 10yo. Why?

Please let her go on the residential. I k ow what it feels like to be left out from things like that.

I’d do the trip but not a new phone

She does not NEED a phone. Let her go. The punishment is no phone.

She wouldn't have worked it out if it wasn't obvious or else she saw you typing it in or saying the password in earshot. Just pick a completely random PIN number or else use your finger print to unlock it. I think buying a safe just to lock phones and devices away from your 10 year old seems dramatic.

Second hand phone? My DD has a second hand iphone6 and she’s 10 too. She doesn’t need anything fancy especially at that age. Indeed DS is almost 14 and also accepts he doesn’t need anything fancy at his age

I wouldn’t cancel the school trip - in my opinion that seems really unfair

Could you instead perhaps make her pay for a second hand phone out of any savings she might have?

The problem here is that your daughter has lied to you, disobeyed your reasonable limits on screen activity and then lied more when found out. She has shown she can't be trusted and that she is too young to have a phone. I would let her go on the trip and buy her the most basic possible phone, which would not be replaced by a more interesting one until such time as she has shown that she can be trusted. And make sure even her boring phone is not in her bedroom overnight. And I don't think she should be having any more screen time either until she comes clean about the extra email address and password etc.

I call bullshit on "working it out"