To not allow DD to go on school trip for breaking phones?

[Feefoog]

My DD 10 yo DD has broken her phone. I thought fine I have a spare one. DDs put a pin on the spare factory reset model. I have reset the phone but it says put in previous users emails. I've tried both mine and DDs emails, I think she's created an email to get round family link and screen time she said she might have done this. I'm really mad she's effectively broken 2 phones and broken my trust . She has a phone to walk to and from school so needs one, she has a school residential that's £310 which is already expensive. It's not so much about the money its that she shows no regard for rules, money or possessions.

AIBU to refuse to pay for this school trip as she needs a new phone well 2 phones really hers and the spare. She has already been snowboarding this year and will be having 2 weeks in Greece in August so its not like she won't be having trips away.

I don’t understand. My phone and iPad have a PIN that I have to type in to turn them on. My kids don’t know my PIN. What more security is needed?

She worked it out it wasn't obvious either.

It's probably worth having a nice chat with her (not a naggy, telling off) and trying to find out what she's looking for. Why is she trying to get round internet security? Does she have some questions she needs answered or is she curious about something? I think it would be a mistake to shame her or make her feel like she can't be honest with you. She's obviously desperate to look at something, I'd want to know what that is! Maybe you can look together or find an age appropriate way for to get the information she wants.

Can you not just put a really unobvious 8 digit passcode on (eg friend’s DOB backwards or part of your childhood phone number) and explain if you find her trying to bypass things again then the consequence will be X.

Did she break her phone accidentally?

as others have said, brick phone for her plus google / phone shop to reset the spare

Right. So your daughter repeatedly lies, steals your property, circumvents your rules and breaks your trust. Age ten. What have you done about that? The breaking of the phone is the last thing I’d be worried about if my child was behaving like that. What’s she so desperate to hide or access? Who’s she talking to?

How did she work it out? Aren’t they 10,000 possible options for a 4 digit number?

It clearly was 🙄

I think in you need to separate the phone issue from school trip, but have the threat that if she breaks any of your rules again she won't be going.

A residential is important.

I B get the anger totally, but try and find a different punishment and like others have said, she gets a basic model if she really needs one until you can trust her again.

I have a 10 yr old, he would find this more of a punishment than a school trip!

I’d remove access to devices not access to school trips.

Clearly no phone, at all. She'll have to wait until you've sorted yours out and then however long this naturally impacts her (length of contract is a natural consequence). She's nowhere near mature enough to use one as she has deliberatelydone this. Totally unnecessary for to and from school and if you deem she's not safe enough then surely she will have to be walked to and fro and suffer everyone knowing she's had that privilege of independence taken from her.

Aside from what pp have said, you will leave a mucky mark from putting your pin in so there'll be finger marks on the numbers you use, a lot less options when you know the numbers not the order

I've never understood why kids need phones either. They whole "it keeps them safe" notion baffles me - how does that work? Do they say to abductors "Can you hang on while I phone my Mum?" or some such.

Someone on here said to me that in my day, there were phone boxes from which we could phone home in an emergency and there aren't any now, why is why kids need phones. I couldn't be arsed to reply that hardly any of us had phones at home when I was a kid. I was 21 before my parents had one installed!
.

There are literally thousands of number combinations it could be, how could she work them all out, unless she's a genius

Yes, this. £15 little brick from Tesco, no data.

And why does she need a phone to walk to school

I've always wondered about asking the abductor to wait while they phoned for help but then I decided they probably hit them with the phone. Useful weapon.

Let her go on the trip.
Don't give her another phone this year.
She's shown you she isn't mature enough for one.
Wait till next year instead.

The issue and the consequence feels far too disjointed imo. Provide basic phone that just does calls and text. There’s the punishment. She’s clearly too young to be trusted and needs to rebuild the trust before you consider providing a device that she can use online. If anything it’s about protecting her from her poor choices at this age.

Both my DC had cheap nasty phones and they had to show that they could look after it before they would get anything better. Even then they never had a phone until secondary school, I was told by them that they were the only ones after the Christmas that they were in year 6 who didn’t have a phone but speaking with other parents they weren’t. I’m not having my child dictate to me about a phone. Any phones they have had until they were old enough for their own devices and contract were pay as you go (I refuse to sign a contract for them to use a phone) and my old phones handed down from when I upgraded. Your DDs school will allow phones on the residential.

ten Year olds generally don’t have the brain development to join a chain of events, and see how they’d upset people.

My 11yr old has a phone because he goes to school on a school bus. The school’s too far away for him to walk.
So the phone gives him a way to contact us if something goes wrong with the bus.
He’s got a basic brick phone that just does phone calls and texts though.

FWIW my parents have had a phone for as long as I can remember.

I think that as well as having no/brick phone you need to address the lack of trust that her bypassing your controls has created.

DD needs to show she is trustworthy by changing her actions and attitude.

I actually would be less worried about the breaking of phones (she is 10, but I agree it’s annoying) and more worried about how she knows about bypassing screen time and then why she wants/feels she needs more access to screen time.
Ask her what she wants more time for- have a calm and open discussion about it all. Hopefully you can come to some agreement which avoids the lying etc.

Your DDs school will allow phones on the residential.

that should be Your DDs school will allow phones on the residential?

The punishment doesn’t really fit the crime. Also - your ten year old is more tech savvy than you?! Says more about your ineptitude than her I think, and I imagine that’s what you’re secretly pissed off about.