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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a secondary school choir rejecting an 11 year old based on their voice is horrible?

612 replies

tigerdrew · 14/05/2023 01:14

Just had DD come in upset. It's quite random as it's the middle of the night and a weekend and we had a nice day today, told me she is still sad about how she is a bad singer and she doesn't want to see her music teacher as she is too embarrassed etc etc

DD tried out for the school choir which is done by audition so obviously she was aware there was some kind of judging involved and so was I but I do think rejecting a year 7 into something they are interested in trying is harsh, especially when it's hard enough for year 7s.

AIBU to think a school choir should just be for whoever is interested? When kids are all singing in a group they do sound the same anyway! Obviously maybe solos could be kept for the particularly talented but I'm honestly just a bit sad and even annoyed.

OP posts:
Norma27 · 14/05/2023 01:19

i have an awful voice and no way should I be allowed to ruin a choir however much I want to join. I was pretty much told at primary school I was too bad- which I was.

Maddy70 · 14/05/2023 01:19

Auditions are to pick the best singers. Sorry but it's a life lesson. She can't be good at everything

KrisAkabusi · 14/05/2023 01:22

In our year 5 class one poor boy was told to just mime in the choir, he sounded so bad! In this case you are being unreasonable though. If you have to audition, a certain level is obviously required.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/05/2023 01:23

Rejection is a part of life, and it's a very valuable lesson. We can't always get what we want because we want it.

This is when we learn to accept defeat or decide to try again. Your daughter could take vocal lessons or practice on her own until auditions come around again.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/05/2023 01:24

When kids are all singing in a group they do sound the same anyway!

No, they really don't. You can hear the clang of a bad singer a mile away.

Deathbyfluffy · 14/05/2023 01:25

Of course you can’t be in a choir if you can’t sing. YABU

Original poster
tigerdrew · 14/05/2023 01:26

Do you really go around telling young kids they aren't good at something? That seems so sad...

OP posts:
QueenOfHiraeth · 14/05/2023 01:26

I was never picked for the sports teams as others were better and the team would have been weaker with me in it. Your daughter didn't get picked for the choir as they are selecting those who will collectively make the best sounds.
Your job as a parent is to teach her to be resilient or she will find life more difficult as she faces challenges growing up

LightDrizzle · 14/05/2023 01:26

Sorry but I disagree.

If she were excluded from music lessons for being a crap singer then I’d agree.

11 isn’t too young to understand that to do some things at a higher level then you need a certain standard of proficiency.

I’m a shit singer so I have some empathy, I was also shit at sport so had the joy of being picked last for teams too!

Poor singers can really affect the sound a choir makes, just like poor players can really affect the success of a sports team. Also the school might struggle to manage a 300 pupil choir if all comers were welcome.

There will be plenty of things in this life that she can participate in.

ladydimitrescu · 14/05/2023 01:26

You can't be in a choir if you can't sing!!

CrapBucket · 14/05/2023 01:27

A school choir should accept everyone! Gareth Malone wouldn’t tell an 11 year old they aren’t good enough. He’d teach them ways to improve.

neilyoungismyhero · 14/05/2023 01:28

I've heard it all now. Talk about entitlement. Sadly the girl can't sing why on earth would you even encourage her to audition?

Aquamarine1029 · 14/05/2023 01:28

tigerdrew · 14/05/2023 01:26

Do you really go around telling young kids they aren't good at something? That seems so sad...

You tell them that no one is good at everything, and we all have to discover what it is we excel at. That's life.

ZittiEBuoni · 14/05/2023 01:28

Is this the only choir? Dd's school e.g. has an auditioned choir and a non-auditioned one. Both are very good!

With no further info about the type of choir it's hard to say whether you are being unreasonable or not. You're unreasonable if they are strictly limited as to numbers and/or your dc isn't a very good singer. Choirs need good singers and don't need bad ones. Would you think it awful if they didn't get into a sports team despite not being great at sport?

(I was rejected from the school choir at the age of 7. By 10, I was the soloist. Keep trying!)

LightDrizzle · 14/05/2023 01:29

CrapBucket · 14/05/2023 01:27

A school choir should accept everyone! Gareth Malone wouldn’t tell an 11 year old they aren’t good enough. He’d teach them ways to improve.

Very apposite name choice there!

Original poster
tigerdrew · 14/05/2023 01:29

Most clubs at school are about improving, anyone can sign up for the netball or football clubs, not sure how the team things work but even if they are selected from the clubs, anyone can still do the clubs. So even if they wanted a choir to perform and be the best, they should surely have an option for the kids wanting to participate and improve, like they do for everything else. DD was just told no and that's that, no way for her to get to sing at all at school even though that's what she enjoys and is interested in. Does just seem unfair

OP posts:
unkownone · 14/05/2023 01:31

If she is really keen on getting in, maybe make it a goal for next year. Get some singing lessons and make a plan. My kids never made anything. Youngest couldn’t care but my now 17 year old literally tried out for anything and everything. Couldn’t sing but loved the stage- now gets asked to perform at concerts at town. Hard work pays off.

JediIsMyMaster · 14/05/2023 01:31

The teachers need to have the time to run the clubs, though - there may not be the staff to run two choirs.

Are there any non-audition choirs outside of school she could get involved with?

Original poster
tigerdrew · 14/05/2023 01:32

neilyoungismyhero · 14/05/2023 01:28

I've heard it all now. Talk about entitlement. Sadly the girl can't sing why on earth would you even encourage her to audition?

What do you suggest I do when my 11 year old comes and tells me they really want to be in the choir and has an audition the next days lunch break. Say oh absolutely don't bother, you're shit at singing. I don't think she is even bad, she sounds like an 11 year old singing. Don't get me wrong, she doesn't have an amazing natural talent but nor is she someone who is completely out of time.

OP posts:
RobertsRadio · 14/05/2023 01:32

You have not enabled the voting option, but YABU. The auditions obviously mean that they are looking for people who can manage to hold a tune. Even when everyone is singing together you can still hear someone singing off key. This is one of life's lessons where you explain to your DD that not everyone is a natural singer, and in fact most of us are not, but that there will be other things she will be good at.

If you could afford it, do you think private singing lessons would help to develop some singing ability?

RampantIvy · 14/05/2023 01:32

There wouldn't be any point in having auditions if they didn't want to only select the best singers.

YABU.

whatkatydid2013 · 14/05/2023 01:34

I agree with you OP. If it was you can’t be in our glee club that competes fair enough but to have the option to participate in an activity be open to only those who can already do it seems a bit contrary to how a school should work. I think it’s pretty awful to exclude kids from team sport too. If you can only take part when you are already good what hope do those who aren’t have of ever improving. You could let everyone train/practice sessions and pick the team/choir members for performances.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/05/2023 01:37

So even if they wanted a choir to perform and be the best, they should surely have an option for the kids wanting to participate and improve, like they do for everything else.

Go and volunteer! 'Everyone welcome singing' at school. I'm fairly sure as long as you can commit and pass a DBS check they'll think about it.

Mangotime · 14/05/2023 01:40

I was one asked to mime in the choir. It was really sold to me as an important role so actually it wasn’t until
well into secondary school that I realised I really
couldn’t sing (and even then my mum had to sit me down and break it to me).

Honestly I’m fine and she will be too. Can you make it into a bit of a joke? My y6 DS can’t sing and it’s a gentle joke here (he’s v sporty, academic and good at drama so lots we can praise). He’s just been asked to audition for his SS choir and been told there’s a place for every boy who auditions, although we all
know he really can’t carry a tune….

Jinglesplodge · 14/05/2023 01:42

The thing about singing is that people presume it's all about some kind of innate natural talent: sometimes it is. Often it's not.

If she's discouraged by not doing well in the audition the best thing she can do is have singing lessons.

If a child didn't make the swimming squad but was desperate to do so you'd put them in swimming lessons. If a child needed to pass the 11 plus but was behind the curve you'd get a tutor. But with music there is a perception that you turn up, have a go, and that's all there is. If she didn't get into the choir and would like to, she has the option of lessons to get her up to the standard, otherwise it's pretty fair for them to select based on audition.

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