To think friend was embarrassed by what I wore?

[bartygk]

I met up with friends for lunch and drinks. They were dressed casually, one was in a long silk kind skirt with trainers and the other two were in jeans.

I had on a black strap dress with a slit and heels, I saw friends eyes widen when I walked in and it made me worry I was overdressed compared to them.

@ToddlerMum2

Where is this, sounds v fun! I could live vicariously on this 😂😊

@PurelyBelter

yes miss that too, the discussion of heels or not was a serious one! 😊

@QuintanaRoo I agree, but I don’t think that’s the sort of dress OP describes.

I am envisioning something like this. Really nice dress, but might have raised eyebrows at lunchtime.

Like I said before, it’s not a big deal OP. I’m sure your friends love you regardless, and if they don’t, fuck em.

Wearing what you want, and what gives you confidence is really important, so just do you.

Such a weird post.

How do you know the OP's black strappy dress wasn't poorly fitting and unflattering or how clean her shoes were?

You're totally projecting here 🤔

I agree @DiddyHeck its the sort of thing my late grandfather would say when my sisters and I visited him as adults: “I like to see you girls in nice dresses and pretty shoes” 🫤

Times have changed (fortunately)

Why would they have been embarrassed? If my friend turned up at a bar in the daytime in a cocktail dress and heels I'd note it and just say "well look at you all done up!" But I wouldn't be bothered at all. Why would they have cared?

OP, my take on it is, if you didn't feel uncomfortable or overdressed (before you left for the venue) then it's their problem. You obv have great self confidence and well done on wearing what you want.

The S+B board seems to have a lot of women stressing over what to wear, how to accessorise it and all the rest of it. The reality is that no one really cares about YOU, (unless you are half naked and leaving nothing to the imagination!) as they are far too busy looking at themselves.

Anyway I have found lately that "dressing up" for things other than a wedding, or black tie affair is gone now. Casual is in therefore some can be seen as overdressed if wearing something a little glitzy to so called "ordinary" venues. The trainers/docs with dresses look has allowed this to happen I think, as it is a combo of style and casual that I never really took to myself! But each to their own.

Love that that is the most important objection to this comment 🤣

This is a horrible, snooty, post and i think the reason your pal felt embarrassed was because you made her feel that way. Am also a Londoner and truly love London because you can wear WHATEVER YOU WANT and no one gives you a second glance so I question whether people ACTUALLY side eyed your mate. I got on the Piccadilly line dressed as Elton John in the middle of the afternoon a few months ago and no one even looked up from their phones.

’trousers and a nice top’ is ‘hun speak’ from early 2000s. No one says that unironically now (and we certainly no longer wear it!).

Quoting myself like a dickhead to add - OP, wear what you want! Life is way way too short to give a fuck.

I thought it was changed in UK to TK because we already had a TJ (hughs)

Were you embarrassed by what you were wearing?

If so, own it.

Don't transfer your feelings to them.

It's because of TJ Hughes having a very similar name.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/TK_Maxx#:~:text=In%201976%2C%20TJ%20Maxx%20was,is%20not%20affiliated%20with%20TJX).

Anyway...this really isn't the end of fhe world, OP. I'm sure most of us have been over- or under-dressed at some point. Just laugh it off. Your friends probably didn't want to upset you by mentioning it.

Sounds like you were overdressed, but why would your friends care. When that happens to me I tell them how lovely they look (because they do). Nothing wrong with overdrawing sometimes 🙂

OP, certainly since lockdown people tend to be a lot more casual. I never wear makeup these days. I think it's a shame to wear jeans all the time, especially somewhere where you can dress up, like the theatre, but the point is that you can wear what you think is appropriate/feel comfortable in. What you wore sounds completely appropriate for a cocktail place. You weren't dressed inappropriately and neither were they. They were probably surprised you'd made an effort rather than embarrassed. Don't sweat about it.

It sounds like you were overdressed (in so far as its a thing) but equally what does it matter? I don't think it means that they were embarrassed just because they were visibly surprised - honestly who wouldn't be momentarily taken aback if you were all in jeans and/or trainers and someone turned up in heels and a dress, but you just move on don't you. Even if they were embarrassed for whatever reason the moment has passed, I doubt other diners were looking or cared.

Yes Wear what you want.. life’s too short and all that empowering talk.

However in the pps example of a woman feeling a bit mortified wearing a thin slip and heels she couldn’t walk in because she didn’t realise she’d be freezing and have to walk around London and hang about waiting for public transport then there’s clearly a practically issue?

A bit like feeling mortified that you wore flip flops to go mountain climbing because you didn’t realise what was involved.

I haven’t RTFT , but in our friendship group you would have been asked if you were on your way home from the night before. You do sound frightfully overdressed.

That makes sense!

In my friendship group if someone was overdressed we’d have told them how lovely they looked as we wouldn’t want them to be uncomfortable. We certainly wouldn’t have been embarrassed.

‘Wear what you want’: strong.

It’s definitely McDonalds in the UK, but people pronounce it as Mack Donald’s which is why you’ll keep seeing the incorrect spelling.

Did you deliberately derail your own thread? 😂

I don't necessarily disagree with that though.

The point being, understand what you want to wear.

It sounds anodyne and rubbish, but if you drill down, it's a good question.

I would have felt embarrassed if a friend turned up dressed for a nightclub at a bar in the afternoon. I find heels a bit cringey at any time tbh.

Not that I think everyone should live in jeans and trainers. But wear a day dress and some stylish shoes or boots. Not clubwear with a split 😬