To think friend was embarrassed by what I wore?

[bartygk]

I met up with friends for lunch and drinks. They were dressed casually, one was in a long silk kind skirt with trainers and the other two were in jeans.

I had on a black strap dress with a slit and heels, I saw friends eyes widen when I walked in and it made me worry I was overdressed compared to them.

Perhaps theybwere a bit surprised not embarrassed? Hard to say though as we werent there. Good on you for making an effort though!

Why are posters falling over themselves to say she must have looked fabulous? 😂

@SmileyClare I don’t think anyone’s ‘falling over themselves’, no need for the catty laugh, what does it achieve apart from making you look typically ‘mean girl’?

Her outfit sounds nice and the idea of getting dressed up to go to a cocktail bar sounds fun. If you don’t agree that’s fine but no need to tear others down just because they feel differently to you.

Perhaps people these days care less about pleasing judgey CFs like you and more about comfort, safety, and the health of their feet, Achilles tendons, knees, hips, and spines?

Honestly good on you for making an effort to look nice, it is truly a rarity these days to see a woman in heels with a nice dress. It seems the current y2k trend has lead 99% of people to go out resembling sacks of potatoes, unflattering, poorly fitted clothes that make people look larger than they are look terrible in my opinion! And don't get me started on the filthy trainers!

I wear the clothes that are comfortable for me to wear, because my body isn't an object of display for the viewing pleasure of others.

It sounds like you probably looked more dressed up than them, and maybe everyone else out at lunch; but it wasn't the office, a ball or a courtroom, so no dress code, so is there really an overdressed as such? Although I will say, if you felt uncomfortable maybe that's more about how you felt than how they were looking at you - if you're going to dress differently to everyone else you really do have to be confident in your clothing choices.

I tend to dress down all the time, even going to fancier places, that's me; and one of my best friends goes all out, even just for a coffee at a local dive, and that's her. We don't look at each other askance for being that way, we're just happy to see each other.

Only you know if they were really giving you the side eye, or whether it was just momentary surprise at your outfit and then they moved on. Dress for you, but if you are very sensitive to how other people perceive you then you either need to factor that into your clothing choices, or you need to overcome it. I don't think there's a reasonable or unreasonable about it!

I didn't say the friends weren't looking their best. I have no idea. I was commenting on OPs description of HER attire.

My group of friends all dress very different- one who's always in heels and a dress for any occasion, one loves short dresses low cut tops, ones always trainers and jeans, I tend to wear things they'd probably think are weird but we're all comfortable and noone judges- she probably just had a double take and thought nothing more of it, i'm sure you looked great!

I agree that her outfit sounds “nice” and dressing up Is fun. I gave op several reassurances.

I just don’t understand posters declaring that op must have looked “fabulous”.

Its a kind thing to say to a random person online vaguely describing a black dress.

Oh bore off back to the 1950s.

It’s quite an old fashioned concept I think to assume a woman “making an effort “ translates as a dress and heels.

Women have the freedom to dress how they please nowadays.
Many people love fashion, love clothes and put enormous effort putting an outfit together (which isn’t necessarily a dress and heels) styling their hair, applying make up etc.

Or I could have just said this 😂

It does sound like an unusual choice by you OP, but if you felt comfortable then you should just own it.

I have a very dear friend who constantly “gets it wrong “ when it comes to dressing. She’ll come to an informal BBQ in a mates garden in a dress and heels when the rest of us are in shorts and t shirts. Or she’ll come to an upmarket restaurant dressed for shopping at Tesco.

Sure, it raises eyebrows, but it’s just her and I love her because of her idiosyncrasies, not despite them. I’m sure I have my own odd ways!

Try to put it behind you. Those that mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind.

one was in a long silk kind skirt

I’m not sure what sort of skirt this is (or is it a typo?) but any sort of silk skirt that sounds a bit dressy as well.

Obviously we have no idea what kind of cocktail bar this was but that is exactly the sort of thing I'd wear to a girlie lunch.

I’m imagining the silky skirt ensemble to be something like this, which is appropriate for lunch “with the girls” in my circles.

those that mind don’t matter

Thats a far better stance. If you think you look good in an outfit then wear it with confidence.

Criticising the other friends for looking more casual (as some posters are doing) and congratulating op for wearing a “nice dress” is all rather narrow minded.

Far better to style it out then spend the day worrying that you got it “wrong” and feeling paranoid about what your friends think.

You wear what you want. If you like it, that’s great!

I think my friends would’ve said “oh wow, someone’s made the effort! I wish I’d dressed Ionia, you look lovely!” And then got into the business of the day.

I find there aren't many opportunities to get properly dressed up these days as everything is very casual. If you had an excuse, why not? There is a wide range of possible outfits for cocktail bars and sounds like you and your friends covered the whole range. If you'd turned up in a ball gown that would have been over the top but I don't see that a strappy dress and heels is completely unsuitable.

I think overdressed is an anorak, woolly jumper and a thermal vest when the sun is shining. Your getup sounds fine for the occasion. And unless you're actually a man and you don't normally express yourself that way in front of friends, I would read the widened eyes as signalling appreciation rather than embarrassment.

I have that exact skirt and wear it with a floaty black shirt and black trainers for lunch!

If it was a strappy black dress with slit and heels along these lines then yes it was inappropriate for a lunchtime. It really does depend exactly what your dress was like.

I have actually been to McDonalds in full evening gown……was hungry after an event! 😄

anyway OP, I’d rather be over dressed than under dressed. Maybe their eyes widened because they thought you looked great?

If it was a dress like this I’d wear similar for lunch at a nice place.

I dress well but I never wear heels because I value my feet and spine.