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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friend was embarrassed by what I wore?

227 replies

bartygk · 14/05/2023 00:38

I met up with friends for lunch and drinks. They were dressed casually, one was in a long silk kind skirt with trainers and the other two were in jeans.

I had on a black strap dress with a slit and heels, I saw friends eyes widen when I walked in and it made me worry I was overdressed compared to them.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Meeting · 14/05/2023 08:11

One of my (many) unpopular opinions is that there is no such thing as being overdressed.

elizzza · 14/05/2023 08:14

Did they say anything or is your feeling just based on seeing their eyes widen? That could just as easily have been them thinking “She looks great, I wish I’d dressed up a bit more!”

Even if they did think you’d overdressed I don’t know why that would have embarrassed them though? Honestly I think you’re projecting your own feelings on to other people.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 14/05/2023 08:17

CountMushroom · 14/05/2023 00:47

Of course you were overdressed compared to them if two were in jeans and you were in a strappy dress and heels? Why did you dress for lunch as though you were on a night out, anyway?

She should dress how she likes!
A strappy dress and a pair of heels is hardly a ball gown and tiara.
It sounds fine to me.

shivawn · 14/05/2023 08:23

Your outfit sounds fabulous OP! It's always better to be overdressed than underdressed!

PurelyBelter · 14/05/2023 08:32

This is why I miss the “what you wearing?” text you’d send friends before a night out.

mdh2020 · 14/05/2023 08:33

DS is ALWAYS overdressed. She doesn’t know how to dress ‘down’. Used to go the office looking like she was off to a party. Does hospital visits dressed to kill. Why do you care what others think if you are happy with your choices?

Proudofitbabe · 14/05/2023 08:34

Never feel wrong for dressing up a bit, OP. Personally I'd always rather be a bit overdressed than not enough. Your outfit sounds suitably glam for the venue!

RuthW · 14/05/2023 08:39

Never lower yourself to other people's standards.

MumsnestOfVipers · 14/05/2023 08:43

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/05/2023 00:49

That's a lot for lunch so it was probably surprise.

My friends would have taken the piss!

Just what I was thinking. Though I'd have been taking the piss out of myself first and we would all have been laughing about it.

Bunnycat101 · 14/05/2023 08:43

I think because in general dress codes have become more casual- you do notice people who are dressed up during the day a bit more. Eg during my commute most women you see at the station are in trainers or flats to walk to the office. The other day I saw someone in v high heels and a suit dress and she really stood out in a busy station. At night or at a wedding she wouldn’t have at all. 10 years ago she also wouldn’t have.

I doubt they were embarrassed by you but they will have probably clocked the difference in dressiness.

Effieswig · 14/05/2023 08:45

Not sure why (some) people can’t support the op and reassure her that her outfit was fine without having to put something negative into her friends.

’they might have wished they put more effort in’
’they might have felt you showed them up’

🙄

ememem84 · 14/05/2023 08:54

Clarinet1 · 14/05/2023 06:14

Reminds me of the time a friend of mine who is a professional classical singer was told she couldn’t bring her expensive, posh, bulky concert dress onto a plane as hand luggage. She wasn’t going to trust the baggage handlers with it so she nipped into the loos and put the dress on for the flight! I guess you could call that overdressed but it solved the problem!

Same here. I’ve twice been told I couldn’t bring a hat on as hand luggage. And it’d have to go in the hold. One was my riding helmet - no way was that going in the hold. And the other time I was on a trip to ascot.

I wore the hats on the plane both times.

Hal9001 · 14/05/2023 08:54

I have a friend I lunch with regularly.

She wears 'Jeans or summat', I wear whatever the fuck I like. It's ok to be disparate. We understand that we dress differently.

She knows that I'll be 'dressing' and I know that she'll be 'dressing'.

It's absolutely fine.

ZenNudist · 14/05/2023 08:55

Why would they be embarrassed? Some people find being overdressed embarrassing for themselves but not a friend. If you were OK styling it out its all good.

honeylulu · 14/05/2023 08:57

I think the outfit sounds nice and glamorous, not out of place for a cocktail bar even in the day. It's true not many people wear heels any more (I agree not comfy or practical) but I think they look nice and can really "finish" a glamorous outfit. I wear trainers or fit flops most of the time but if I wanted to wear a strappy black fitted dress I would wear it with heels - trainers would look silly.

Having said that ... there does seem to be a teeny but if an undertone that the OP wants posters to say "oh your friends were jealous that you looked so nice while they sat there stewing in their scruffy jeans and trainers".

Lwrenagain · 14/05/2023 09:02

I'm either under or over dressed.
I've never quite nailed the sweet spot in between.
I'm jealous of anyone who has more looks in their repertoire than simply "homeless substance dependent" or "Paula Yates in a ball gown but with a flower crown and shit ugly shoes".

IncompleteSenten · 14/05/2023 09:02

Yes you were overdressed.

Did that embarrass them? Only they can say.

UndercoverCop · 14/05/2023 09:05

You definitely can overdress, a friend's partner had never been to the theatre in the West end, she wore a long silky dress, strappy low back, high split and strappy heels so high she could barely walk in them. They had to get the train then tube, it was cold and she refused to wear a coat because she didn't have one formal enough. She berated my friend for being under dressed (jeans, casual shirt). We met them for drinks in a pub before the performance , we were still living in London then. She got a lot of looks and they weren't of admiration. Friend told me after she was mortified that the theatre was full of people in jeans, or at best trousers and a nice top, but he had tried to warn her!

SmileyClare · 14/05/2023 09:10

shivawn · 14/05/2023 08:23

Your outfit sounds fabulous OP! It's always better to be overdressed than underdressed!

Op described her outfit as a “black strap dress with a split and heels”

Why are posters falling over themselves to say she must have looked fabulous? 😂

Is that just a platitude to reassure her?

I mean I’m sure she looked fine, probably not out of place at all.

The thing that I’d immediately notice is a person who feels awkward uncomfortable or out of place with what they’re wearing.

Its sad your friends didn’t pick up on you feeling uncomfortable or read that you were worried and try to reassure you.

BananaCocktails · 14/05/2023 09:10

Sounds like surprise not embarrassment and if you’re friends, never said anything then I think you are just overthinking
it sounds like your friends were under dressed , it was a cocktail bar I wouldn’t wear trainers to a cocktail bar

SBHon · 14/05/2023 09:10

I bet you looked brilliant OP, don’t worry about it.

I’ve done the same and definitely got a look from a ‘friend’. Maybe they felt awkward they were in jeans.

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 14/05/2023 09:15

steff13 · 14/05/2023 05:16

I've wondered about this! I'm in the US, and of course it's McDonald's here, but I've seen so many people on MN refer to it as "MacDonald's" I thought maybe that's what it was called there. Like you y'all call TJ Maxx, TK Maxx.

Show quote history

We don't call the company TK Maxx, that's their choice of trading name.

Trees6 · 14/05/2023 09:15

Perhaps they were concerned that you thought that you were all going to be out for the evening as well as the afternoon? Thereby putting paid to their plans for Netflix, pyjamas and crisps from 6pm.

Discodiva9 · 14/05/2023 09:16

Honestly good on you for making an effort to look nice, it is truly a rarity these days to see a woman in heels with a nice dress. It seems the current y2k trend has lead 99% of people to go out resembling sacks of potatoes, unflattering, poorly fitted clothes that make people look larger than they are look terrible in my opinion! And don't get me started on the filthy trainers!

WandaWonder · 14/05/2023 09:18

Discodiva9 · 14/05/2023 09:16

Honestly good on you for making an effort to look nice, it is truly a rarity these days to see a woman in heels with a nice dress. It seems the current y2k trend has lead 99% of people to go out resembling sacks of potatoes, unflattering, poorly fitted clothes that make people look larger than they are look terrible in my opinion! And don't get me started on the filthy trainers!

Why do women have to wear heels?