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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 25 year olds shouldn't be hanging around with 18 year olds?

208 replies

razzille · 14/05/2023 00:20

My daughter is 18 and has plenty of friends a similar age to her (the oldest is 21). However, there's this 25, almost 26 year old who seems to be integrating with her and her friends an awful lot. She is often there on nights out with, has been at sleepovers, etc. it's rather strange to me. What I like even less is it's not like she is particularly delayed for her age (she lives on her own etc) and often DD and her friends will be at her place or 2 of DD's friends are sixth formers/in college and she has picked them up from literally school before. I just find it all a little strange. I can't see what a 26 year old has in common with teenagers.

OP posts:
Sometimeswinning · 14/05/2023 00:26

Well your dd must like her. I'd stop being so invested. Your dd is going to make alot of new friends, all ranging from young to old. It's what happens.

MaggyNoodles · 14/05/2023 00:28

On the face of it this is odd. How did they meet?

NewNovember · 14/05/2023 00:28

My 18 year old six former has work friends who are 25 seems fine to me.

Youdoyoubabe · 14/05/2023 00:28

One of my best friends is 20 years older than me. We have lots in common and giggle endlessly. I met her when I was in early 20s.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/05/2023 00:29

I had a lot of older friends when I was 18. Some of the blokes were sleazy but it was generally fine.

bellac11 · 14/05/2023 00:29

Not odd at all.

RJnomore1 · 14/05/2023 00:32

As long as they aren’t hitting on you it’s actually great to have friends across a range of ages.

Berlinlover · 14/05/2023 00:32

When I was 26 I was close friends with an 18 year old and her mother wasn’t happy about it either. Over 20 years later I still wonder what her problem was.

rollingbolognese · 14/05/2023 00:33

Does depend some are young for their age. Got to remember three years of adulthood was lost to COVID so they’re probs still 20 in their head

Original poster
razzille · 14/05/2023 00:35

I suppose it's more strange to me that DD has a group of friends all around her age and this woman is closer to 30 and part of that group, vs them both just having a full range of friends that are different ages. So as this group is together a lot, it's just a bit strange.

OP posts:
Original poster
razzille · 14/05/2023 00:35

She met her through her friend who met her on an online game

OP posts:
GrainOfSalt · 14/05/2023 00:36

At 49 my friends include people in their early 20's and my 'oldest' friend is in her late 70's. We have been friends since I worked with her when I was 19 and she was in her 40s. This whole idea of only being friends with people your own age is really odd to me

pizzaHeart · 14/05/2023 00:36

It is unusual but not unheard of, age gap affects friendships less as we are older. I think it very much depends on how they met and what ages are in the group . She might be close with the one who’s 21 so not such a big difference or they all might be members of the local yoga group.
Are any one of them in teacher/ pupil situation?
What do you suspect? because something is bothering you.

FrostyFifi · 14/05/2023 00:38

25 isn't "almost 30" though is it? There's not necessarily a big difference between a 21 year old and a 25 year old. Weird thing to be concerned about.

JudgeRudy · 14/05/2023 00:40

I wouldn't be worried about it. I don't think the gap is excessive. I think it would be odder for an 18 year old to be mates with a 14 year old actually even though ghe age gap is smaller. Adults under 30 will have lots in common.
Let's for arguments sake say it is odd, or more specifically she is - what's your concern? Do you feel anyone is at risk or being taken advantage of? No? There are enough problems in ghe world without you inventing them.

MrsDoylesDoily · 14/05/2023 00:41

FrostyFifi · 14/05/2023 00:38

25 isn't "almost 30" though is it? There's not necessarily a big difference between a 21 year old and a 25 year old. Weird thing to be concerned about.

This is what I was thinking.

That and the "she has picked them up from literally school before", makes the OP sound as though she's trying to make it into something it isn't.

Besides, 6th form is college even if it is part of the school.

mynameiscalypso · 14/05/2023 00:41

I met one of my group of friends when I was about 18/19 and they were all in their mid-twenties. We're all now in our 40s and still friends.

Qazwsxefv · 14/05/2023 00:42

The 6th formers and a 26 yr old maybe a little strange as their such different life stages, one still essentially a child going to school daily and one an adult, but generally 18yr olds are young adults and so are 26 year olds. quite conceivable for both ages to say be at uni together, one a fresher and one a grad student, meet up at a sports club or similar and be friends easily.

llangennith · 14/05/2023 00:43

I'd be wary too. There's a huge difference in maturity etc between 18 and 25 yr olds. Why does a 25yo want to hang out with teenagers? Just keep an eye on the friendship without being judgemental so your dd keeps communicating with you.

CarpetSlipper · 14/05/2023 00:43

I think someone in their twenties hanging around with people who are school age is a bit unusual but they’re all adults and the age gap isn’t massive. My closest friends are much older than me but I met them in my mid twenties, I never think about or notice the age difference.

NuffSaidSam · 14/05/2023 00:45

I think it's fine. Two adults, seven years apart. I'm really struggling to see an issue with it.

Seven years is a big gap if one of the people is still a child, but for adults seven years is nothing.

Would it trouble you if a 31 and 38 year old were friends? Or a 65 and 72 year old? Or 36 and 43?

MrsDoylesDoily · 14/05/2023 00:45

If the 25 year old is nearly 26 then won't the 18 year olds be nearly 19?

TheOriginalEmu · 14/05/2023 00:46

razzille · 14/05/2023 00:35

I suppose it's more strange to me that DD has a group of friends all around her age and this woman is closer to 30 and part of that group, vs them both just having a full range of friends that are different ages. So as this group is together a lot, it's just a bit strange.

You’re adding on years by the mile..she’s 25. Then 26, now close to 30. You’re making it weird.
when I started a job there was a group of us who started together, we ranged from 18-28 and we were all friends and are still friends 20+ years later. It’s not weird.

FrostyFifi · 14/05/2023 00:51

It's especially not weird if as you say they've met through a common interest. Any hobby or interest will more than likely contain within it people of a variety of ages.

Original poster
razzille · 14/05/2023 00:53

To be fair I didn't say almost 30, I said closer to 30, which is true, she is closer to 30 than my DD's age.

Well no, some of the 18 yo are just 18 as they are in sixth form. My DD is almost 19 though, yes.

I don't know what I'm worried about really, it just feels a bit strange and I think if it was a boy, a lot of people would think it was rather weird too.

OP posts: