to think 25 year olds shouldn't be hanging around with 18 year olds?

[razzille]

My daughter is 18 and has plenty of friends a similar age to her (the oldest is 21). However, there's this 25, almost 26 year old who seems to be integrating with her and her friends an awful lot. She is often there on nights out with, has been at sleepovers, etc. it's rather strange to me. What I like even less is it's not like she is particularly delayed for her age (she lives on her own etc) and often DD and her friends will be at her place or 2 of DD's friends are sixth formers/in college and she has picked them up from literally school before. I just find it all a little strange. I can't see what a 26 year old has in common with teenagers.

I think a lot of people are missing the point. Of course adults have friends of different ages. Of course we make work friendships with people much older or younger. The title of the post belies the content which is about a specific 26 year old and a group of 18 year olds. It should say "is this 26 year old acting inappropriately?" or similar.

As I said before I agree, in this case, it is odd, though probably harmless. At 18 myself all my friends were 17 or 18 as we were in upper sixth. At university most people were my age or a year or two older. It's only when I started work and was in my early 20s that I started mixing with people much older, and yes socialised with people in their 30s, 40s etc.

Initially it felt like there were "adults" like me and my friends, and other adults who were properly grown up or had been grown up for years. I don"t think it's that unusual to mainly stick to your rough age group when you are still in education. The only people I remember on my course who were much older were in their 40s and had no interest in socialising with the rest of us.

And I do think there is something in having friends at the same stage of life. Parents gravitate to other parents, singles to other singles. Naturally they have more in common. I have been closer or less close to long term friends at different times according to what is happening in my / their lives (friends with kids weren't always my first choice when I was grappling with infertility, for example).

What is odd is a 25 year old adult meeting someone online and then attaching themselves to a teen friendship group. That's not what most adults do.

I don't think she's "attached herself to a teen friendship group".

She's met someone via an online hobby who happens to be a teenager. They've met up in real life and got on well, and now hang out together as part of a larger group.

That's not remotely odd to me. When I was younger, lots of my friends were friends of friends that I met online or on random nights out. Some were my age, some older, some younger - some male and some female. It was just a totally normal way to meet new people. Age was irrelevant - if we got along, we got along.

I don"t think it's that unusual to mainly stick to your rough age group when you are still in education

I would say that 18 and 25 are both still within the same "rough age group", though.

Personally I feel as though it must be very limiting to live your life via a random set of imaginary rules. Some of my closest friends over the years are people who are in totally different "life stages" to me - when I was at university and about 19, one of my closest friends was a disabled mother in her 50's. We also met online which would probably horrify many people on here

As usual people can't be arsed to RTFT. They're still blathering on about their 'friends of a different age group'. When the OP's 2nd post has clearly covered this! She is ok with that, and in facts 'expects' people to have a range of friends with different ages.

What she finds odd is, as you stated, is this person weaving herself into the fabric of their day-to-day. Not just joining nights out, or events for the mutual hobby. Picking them up from college during the day and taking them to her house for ... the rest of the entire afternoon/evening.

I don't even know how an adult with a full-time job (presumably she has one?) even has time to do all that. Of course, not everyone has 9-5 so she may be free during the day.

I myself have had friends of different age groups, we have all hung out together or separately. It's never been as concentrated as this though. That's what's odd.

But people who see it as 'normal' 'because age and adults' are probably not going to get it.

*have had... and still do of course 😎

AllegraWalterJones
I suspect you're right. I think the OP is getting a hard time, but having taught upper 6th and thinking back to myself at 18/19, 18/19 year olds don't suddenly gain adult level maturity the day they hit legal adulthood.

I'm surprised so many people think it's normal for an adult in their mid 20s to attach themselves to a teen/young adult friendship group, and doubt they'd be so chilled out about a 25 year old man attaching himself to a group of teens.

What she finds odd is, as you stated, is this person weaving herself into the fabric of their day-to-day. Not just joining nights out, or events for the mutual hobby. Picking them up from college during the day and taking them to her house for ... the rest of the entire afternoon/evening.

I just don't see the issue. That's what friends do - they hang out with each other, they help each other out and spend time together after work/college. I was always with my friends at that age - at someone's house or just hanging out at Starbucks. We'd always pick the house with no adults/parents around where possible as it was just nicer.

If this girl was the same age and just happened to be the only one with a license and a job, would it still be weird? Or is it only weird based on some arbitrary rule about what friendship is?

I turned 25 in my first year at uni. It was a practical drama course and I was working closely with others on the course who were 18/19 and naturally we became friends. The alternative was having no friends 🤷🏻‍♀️

All the BS about meeting organically - that's what happened. One member of the group, one much closer in age at that, started talking to the 25 yo online. Met up with her, possibly taking another member or 2 of the group with her as good "meeting people from online" guidance says. Presumably then thought "Hey, you'd get on well with my other friends", invited them along to an event. Other friends agree this is someone they like and get on with and thus a new friendship is born and the group expands.

Nothing OP has said implies that the 25 yo forced themself into the group.

There's no difference between this and making friends at work.

And all the BS about life stages - I'm nearly 30 now but would say I have somewhat more in common with 20 yo and that some 20 year olds feel more "grown up" than me.

Who said anything about rules? All judgement of social interaction comes from observation of behavioural patterns. You have your opinion, I have mine. This isn't a hard science.

Yes, I'd think it less odd if she was the only one with a license and a job - because it's just a continuation of her life before she left school, a couple of years ago. Not almost a decade ago.

But ultimately, as I said those who don't get it, won't. You can poke holes in what I've said all you like (I'm sure you'll go for the 'full-time job', for example) but this isn't something that can be scientifically judged unless you know the people involved.

If you happened to see my earlier posts I did say it was odd, but harmless. No matter what the OP thinks there's nothing she can do about it. In fact, I'd probably be more concerned for the 26 year old - things will change if most of them go off to uni in different places.

She could be lonely and found people she connects with. I wouldn't get involved.

Nothing odd with a 21 &25 year old being friends, perhaps your dc is the outlier

So adults don't spend the night at each other's houses?
Calling it a sleepover is why it might sound odd.

25 yo met via a game (and again via a 21 year old who is therefore MUCH closer in age). It's likely that they might like to all hang out at hers (presumably as its quite with no parents or siblings around unlike others in the group) gaming and its easier just to spend the night rather than worry about disturbing people at home.

Unless there's anything SPECIFIC that causes concern eg daughter changes personality/starts drinking heavily/mentions anything concerning then it's just adults hanging out and you all saying its odd have some hang ups about online

I didnt realise you knew this person, so whats the score with her and how did you meet her?

So adults don't spend the night at each other's houses?
I'd stay over at a friend's house.
I'd not have stayed over with teenagers in my mid 20s.

I thought OP said the friend who met the 25 year old was 21, I cant be bothered to scroll back however.

Also there seems to be a lot of black and white thinking about this on this thread. As if someone at 6th form is completely different to someone in full time work. I left home at 17, I worked a full time hours week but equally I was at college. When I went to university I had a full time job and a full time uni course. You can be both and in fact in my view its better to have both, widens your horizons and fills your pockets. I had friends of all ages.

There's a 'see all' button on the OP's post, you don't have to scroll 😂

Apologies if I missed this but have you actually met this woman OP?

I think it's very odd. I can't imagine wanting to hang out with 19 year olds when I was 26. Try to find out more about her.

If she goes to uni at 18yo there is likely to be a mix of age ranges in her cohort. One of DD’s good friends when she was in her first year at uni was someone in their late 20s. Your daughter is a young adult rather than a teenager, that’s certainly how she will view herself. 25yo also a young adult.

They’re at a similar stage in life, no husbands, no kids, starting to find their feet. I’m sure if your Dd came across a 25yo who was married with two kids she’d be less interested in hanging out with them.

I would add that I wouldn't necessarily find it odd for a 26 year old to have a friend who was 19, but I do find it odd that a 26 year old's friendship group is made up of 19 year olds. And that they have sleepovers. Very odd indeed.

They're not all 19 - they range in age from 18-21.

And what's wrong with having sleepovers in your early twenties?

But the point is that her friends are from a range of ages, not just one age range, which is the case with this 26 year old. I think that's what's so odd about it.

In halls of residence I shared our halls flat with 2 girls who were 25 years old, one girl was 20 and then me. I was 18.
Was fine.

Actually there were plenty of students who were 25 and they were mainly from Europe.

We had a blast.

When I was 25/26 I would have hated the idea of having a sleepover with a bunch of 19/20 year olds. But each to their own.