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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think 25 year olds shouldn't be hanging around with 18 year olds?

208 replies

razzille · 14/05/2023 00:20

My daughter is 18 and has plenty of friends a similar age to her (the oldest is 21). However, there's this 25, almost 26 year old who seems to be integrating with her and her friends an awful lot. She is often there on nights out with, has been at sleepovers, etc. it's rather strange to me. What I like even less is it's not like she is particularly delayed for her age (she lives on her own etc) and often DD and her friends will be at her place or 2 of DD's friends are sixth formers/in college and she has picked them up from literally school before. I just find it all a little strange. I can't see what a 26 year old has in common with teenagers.

OP posts:
Idlechitchat · 14/05/2023 07:48

I would find this a bit strange too OP. Totally agree with those that are saying people can be friends with all age groups and I have friends ranging from 20 years older than me and 10 years younger than me, but at your DDs young age, a 7 year gap appears much bigger. If it was a group of mixed ages that have met at work or through a shared interest then fair enough, but someone older who has gone out of their way to befriend teenagers is not the norm.

MuffinToSeeHere · 14/05/2023 07:51

Disneygirl37 · 14/05/2023 07:47

My dd is 19 and has a friend at work who is 26. They both do the same job.

That's not the same though because they met organically. If she had a friend who was 26 who had befriended her online and was now socialising with her in person you would probably be just as concerned as the OP.

Cas112 · 14/05/2023 07:58

Your daughter is literally and adult. This is fine.

She will make friends different ages through out life due to work, hobbies etc

Surely you have op? I don't get why you have questioned this

Optionshighlights · 14/05/2023 08:03

When I was 18 there were older girls in our friendship group. We didn’t think anything of it at all, we were just friends.

MRex · 14/05/2023 08:07

MuffinToSeeHere · 14/05/2023 07:51

That's not the same though because they met organically. If she had a friend who was 26 who had befriended her online and was now socialising with her in person you would probably be just as concerned as the OP.

Show quote history

Most people these days make some friends online. There's gaming, chat forums, special interest meet-up groups, online dating etc etc etc - times have moved on since 1998!

borntobequiet · 14/05/2023 08:09

This age silo mentality seems to have crept in recently, and it’s odd in a society where people dress and behave much the same from early adulthood to middle age and beyond. People who share similar interests and get on will naturally spend time together, regardless of age.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 14/05/2023 08:10

I don't know why people are saying it's more weird that they met online.

It's totally normal for people to meet online these days - age is irrelevant if you all have the same hobby or enjoy the same music or follow the same sports team.

HannahLove · 14/05/2023 08:10

I don’t think it’s that odd, especially as there are 21 year olds in the group.

How old is the friend who met her via online gaming?

Dacadactyl · 14/05/2023 08:10

I think it's totally weird too.

Perhaps this older woman is emotionally immature or something.

LolaSmiles · 14/05/2023 08:16

I don't know why people are saying it's more weird that they met online
I totally accept I might be a bit over-cautious because of my job, but I would be advising caution on any adult at a different life stage befriending teens online and integrating themselves into a much younger friendship group like this.

There's something about an adult in their mid 20s befriending teenagers, integrating into a group of 6th formers/recent leavers, picking them up from college, having sleepovers and having these young adults round their house that doesn't sit well with me.

I'd feel differently if it was something like they met through a sports group online and have started doing some sessions at a local pitch/club, or if they did some sort of gaming thing and met up at a local/regional event, and the adult in their mid 20s had their own life and friendship group along side.

NewShoes · 14/05/2023 08:18

Not odd at all. 18 years old is an adult!

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 14/05/2023 08:20

Utter twaddle. Nothing wrong with it at all, she's an adult too and able to choose her friends.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 14/05/2023 08:23

You’re being a bit mean and making it weird. They have a common interest. I have friends way younger and way older. I’m mod thirties and have friends who are 69/70. What’s wrong with that?!

bellac11 · 14/05/2023 08:26

Whats this concept of 'different life stage' and it being problematic

So if OP's daughter met someone who was 18/19 but that person had a child already or was in full time work rather than college and had been for a couple of years or was married - that would be a problem?

What if the OPs daughter met someone on line of her own age and the person was trying to groom her (which seems to be implied that this is what people are concerned about)

blahblahblah1654 · 14/05/2023 08:26

How ridiculous and paranoid. What exactly is the problem? Let your daughter have her friends and stop trying to control her social life. She's an adult now.

Fencebreaker · 14/05/2023 08:29

I think you need to get a grip OP.

ApplesandOrangesandPears · 14/05/2023 08:29

I'm not saying that the girl is 'delayed' but I know quite a few people - mostly women actually - who are able to live independently and drive but have extremely low maturity levels. I went to school with them and would be friendly with them when I was about 18 - by the time I was 24 I'd outgrown them even though they were a good 6-8 years older than me.

Even if that's not the case, I personally wouldn't hang out with the 18 year olds I work with but I do get on well with some of them and have a laugh and joke with them so it's not inconceivable that it could happen.

katemulberrybush · 14/05/2023 08:33

I have a very good friend who is 6 years older than me. We met when i was 16. Still mates 30 years on

LivingDeadGirlUK · 14/05/2023 08:34

MuffinToSeeHere · 14/05/2023 07:51

That's not the same though because they met organically. If she had a friend who was 26 who had befriended her online and was now socialising with her in person you would probably be just as concerned as the OP.

Show quote history

Meeting through an online game is exactly the same as meeting through a hobby group.

BodyKeepingScore · 14/05/2023 08:37

This wouldn't be an issue for me. At 18 years old, someone is legally considered an adult. At this age (and younger) I was very close to a female family friend with a similar age gap. Throughout my life I've had friends ranging a wide span of age groups. Your DD is almost as close to 25 as you consider this other woman to be to 30z

inamarina · 14/05/2023 08:38

razzille · 14/05/2023 00:35

I suppose it's more strange to me that DD has a group of friends all around her age and this woman is closer to 30 and part of that group, vs them both just having a full range of friends that are different ages. So as this group is together a lot, it's just a bit strange.

How is she closer to 30? Being 25 she’s technically closer to the 21 year old in your daughter’s friend group.
I shared a flat with a 27 and a 28 year old when I was 21. A couple years older than your daughter, but a similar age difference, and we got on really well.

Paperlate · 14/05/2023 08:38

I didn't know you could only be friends with people your own age.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 14/05/2023 08:42

I was working part time at 16 and by age 17 was going on nights out with all of the staff, nearly 20 odd years later I'm still friends with one or two who are a bit older than me.
Also niche hobbies like gaming can draw people from a range of ages due to their shared interest.
As long as you aren't suspecting signs of drug use or they're out getting smashed all the time I don't see a problem at all.

KimberleyClark · 14/05/2023 08:42

Dacadactyl · 14/05/2023 08:10

I think it's totally weird too.

Perhaps this older woman is emotionally immature or something.

This. If it was a 26 year old man wanting to hang out with 18 year old girls the replies would be completely different!

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 14/05/2023 08:42

LolaSmiles · 14/05/2023 08:16

I don't know why people are saying it's more weird that they met online
I totally accept I might be a bit over-cautious because of my job, but I would be advising caution on any adult at a different life stage befriending teens online and integrating themselves into a much younger friendship group like this.

There's something about an adult in their mid 20s befriending teenagers, integrating into a group of 6th formers/recent leavers, picking them up from college, having sleepovers and having these young adults round their house that doesn't sit well with me.

I'd feel differently if it was something like they met through a sports group online and have started doing some sessions at a local pitch/club, or if they did some sort of gaming thing and met up at a local/regional event, and the adult in their mid 20s had their own life and friendship group along side.

Why are you assuming she deliberately set out to meet teenagers?Confused

IMO it's more likely that they just got talking, realised they all lived locally and met up because they knew they had something in common, and it developed from there.

I've got friends of all ages I met online and we now spend time together in person - to me it's just as organic as if I'd met them down the pub or out on a dog walk 🤷‍♀️