to think 25 year olds shouldn't be hanging around with 18 year olds?

[razzille]

My daughter is 18 and has plenty of friends a similar age to her (the oldest is 21). However, there's this 25, almost 26 year old who seems to be integrating with her and her friends an awful lot. She is often there on nights out with, has been at sleepovers, etc. it's rather strange to me. What I like even less is it's not like she is particularly delayed for her age (she lives on her own etc) and often DD and her friends will be at her place or 2 of DD's friends are sixth formers/in college and she has picked them up from literally school before. I just find it all a little strange. I can't see what a 26 year old has in common with teenagers.

Whats this concept of 'different life stage' and it being problematic

Because there's a world of difference between a woman in her mid 20s and a teenager in 6th form. It's the same reason many people would have a different response if the 25 year old in this thread was a man.

Whilst most of us don't have a problem with being friends with people older or younger than us (after all that happens in life as we all know), I doubt many of us would seek to integrate ourselves into an existing friendship group of 6th formers/undergraduate age students after talking to one of the group online.

I can't imagine wanting to have a sleepover with teenagers when I was in my mid 20s. I certainly can't imagine wanting to pick some 6th formers up to chill at my house when I was 25.

Also I'd find it really odd as an adult to be going to a friend's house and having sleepovers when they are still living with their parents.

In a mixed friendship group with adults as young as 18 I'd expect the younger ones to go along with the older ones activities like going to the pub or a sports group. Not the older adults tagging along with younger ones, it just feels off.

I really don't think its odd. When I was 18, my friends varied in age from 18 to 28. What we had in common was the same local pub and fact that we were all single. We used to go all over the country together. The 28yo woman was the eldest, she was the sister of a couple of the men in the friendship group. Most of her uni friends had settled with husbands and children so she hung with us.🤷‍♀️

What's the upper age limit to be friends with an 18 year old without it being weird? Is there an age you get to when it's fine to be friends with anyone of any age or is there always a limit?

Are they still "sleepovers" when it's young adults having an evening at one of their parents homes and staying the night there?

I started working in a bar at 18 when I was at sixth form, and waitressed in a restaurant before that, lots of people there were older than me and the friendship divisions were more about who had DC/husbands etc than age. I met my best friend there I was 18 she was 24, we just clicked and got on like a house on fire, twenty years on she was my maid of honour, and God mother to my son, I am soon to be her matron of honour and we're going away with our partners in the summer. Her fiancé is ten years older than her, so 16 years older than me, and 15 years older than DH we all get along brilliantly.
You're making an issue over nothing.

I would have found it weird staying the night with someone that young who still lived with parents at age 25.

I can understand why on the surface it might seem a bit odd. And it really isn't the same as 68yo and 75yo being friends. However, I'm 33 and I just recently had a few friends from a joint hobby over for drinks. They were 20-23. We have stuff in common and had just organised an event so seemed totally natural. Same when my other hobby group has something going on there is a lot of variation in ages. Sometimes it is just the teens and one geriatric (over 30) and sometimes it's all variety.

I have a background working with young people/ safeguarding.

From the info you've given it doesn't sound like a love interest type situation where the older one might be taking advantage. That would be the situation where I might be worried and that is the reason some people might be more worried if it was a male.

From your posts, it sounds like they have things in common and have hit it off. It's the whole group she's hanging around with and not just your daughter. It doesn't sound like one young person is being singled out.

From a safeguarding perspective, I wouldn't be too worried about this as it doesn't sound like there is any malicious intent.

But I'd try and keep up with your daughter generally, let her be open/ chat to you about whatever's going on, so you get a general sense of this person.

Sometimes, sadly, there are criminals who will send someone close to young people's age to develop a relationship with them, and online gaming is a common way for them to find vulnerable young people.

So with that in mine I'd want to keep a 'watchful eye' but I wouldn't be worrying as such, because nothing untoward has hapened.

Is there any way you can meet this person if you haven't already? That might give you a better sense of what they are like.

Also, is your daughter generally mature and sensible or is she a bit vulnerable/ young for her age? Do you think she could be at risk of being swept up in something and being a bit naive?

Personally yes I find it a little odd for a 26 year old to hang out with a group of 18-21 year olds. I think that period from 18-26 people go from being adolescent to an actual adult, and usually have developed to be a bit more street/life wise more independent etc.

I would take it as a bit of a red flag and be mindful of any other red flags (eg her encouraging behaviour, bringing her older friends along to meet them etc).

However if it is just the age thing and she seems like an ok woman, it is possible she didn’t have any friendships and so maybe has integrated into your daughters friendship group because she’s happy to find a space where she fits in. I guess meeting via a game makes this more likely. Maybe she didn’t have a friendship group and was happy to join this one when she met someone with a similar interest. If she struggles socially or is unconfident maybe she find it easy being around younger people.

To summarise- yea if find it a bit odd but how worried I would be would depend on the wider context.

Since they met through gaming I'd say it is quite normal, my son has had online friends in their 20s since he was at school. My first thought was that she was their drug dealer so I'd be relieved she's just a nerd if I were you!

They are all adults. Lots if gamers or people with shared interests meet online and socialise with people of various ages as its the common interests that get you talking/socialising.

God i work with and talk to people aged from 25 right through to chatting to people from my gym classes in their 60s and 70s . I'm 42. Imagine if we all got hung up on the age thing all the time we'd miss out on so much.

Whats this concept of 'different life stage' and it being problematic

Because there's a world of difference between a woman in her mid 20s and a teenager in 6th form. It's the same reason many people would have a different response if the 25 year old in this thread was a man.

This. In terms of life experience there’s a huge difference between an 18 year old and a 25 year old. More than say a 25 year old and a 30 year old.

She's gone from 25 to almost 26 to nearly 30. If your daughter is happy I don't see a problem with this.

The only one being weird in this scenario is the OP.

You've taken my post completely out of context and ignored most of it

If the daugher had a friend who was the same age, but was married with a child she is at a completely different life stage to the daughter.

And no, I wouldnt have an issue if it was a 25 year old male if it was a mixed group of people, I had much older friends at 16/17/18, I left home at 17 anyway and had older female and male friends through work, there was a mixed group of us and some had their own properties so we often went round theirs.

she is 25 in your post
then she is 26
then she is nearly 30

As I 19 year old one of my best friends was 28. Met via work and are still as close almost 10 years later. YABVU

YABU. Once they're out of secondary education, people of all ages can mingle together.

Why are some people pearl clutching over them meeting online.

When I was 19 one of my closest friends was 15. We met through a magazine aimed at an interest. He ran a local group for the interest. We wrote to each other for a few months and then met in person as we were in the same city. Not so different to meeting online.

(That said we did keep our friendship completely separate to any other friends. I never met his friends and he didn’t meet mine)

Why are some people pearl clutching over them meeting online.

People forget that we're third decade into the 21st century

Meeting online through gaming is meeting organically. I think some people finding that odd might be a bit older and out of touch?
Anyway, she's 18, a young adult, and can be friends with whoever she wishes.

Yeah I alive how OP makes the friend older with every post. She’ll be nearing retirement by the end of this thread.

I was dating a 24 year old aged 18 and had a wide group of friends late teens/early twenties.

My DD made older friends she would go out with once she started working part time.

I honestly can’t see the problem unless there’s a huge drip feed coming that’s nothing to do with age.

Yeah you keep inflating the age, shes 25, some of the group are 21 she is close in age to them, I dont see the problem though, they are friends, I have friends 20 years older than me.

I’m 27. I’m a married mother. Personally I would really struggle to relate to 18 year olds on a friendship level. I wouldn’t find them my ‘peers.’ That is probably more about life stages though I guess.