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Original poster

Vegan inviting themselves to join a dinner resulting in everyone having a crap dinner

258 replies

NewShoesForSpring · 13/05/2023 20:31

I was away with work meeting several international colleagues.

3 of us were staying in the same direction & decided we'd head back together & get some dinner on the way. The quiet girl, let's call her Mary, heard us & said she was staying in the same general direction & would leave with us. We had no problem with this & so once we were finished up that drink we left the general group & checked if she was ready etc

We get off the metro at a busy area close to where our hotels are & there are loads of lovely bistros etc, all busy so one of the group suggestes we try one that looks v nice & has loads of people dining etc. We go over to take a look at the menu (though if it had been just me & the person who suggested it I'd say we'd have just gone straight in! It was getting late & we'd been slightly concerned we wouldn't even find dinner at that stage. So this place looked perfect.

Anyway Maria is hesitating by the menu & then she pipes up that she's vegan....

She tries asking the waiter if they have anything but he doesn't understand & do we're all standing about dithering & she had NO suggestions of what she'd like to do..we start walking around the square looking at all the menus....its now 10.15pm...I can feel our chances of finding some nice food fading...

She spends AGES reading every menu to reject them all. Eventually she stops in front of a cheap Lebanese place & says 'oh falafel I love them...' so we found ourselves eating a really crap dinner. Essentially it was like a takeaway place with plastic cutlery.

The colleague who suggested the Bistro is perhaps late 60s & has a condition that gives her a tremor & she wanted to sit inside as it was getting chilly outside

Maria the vegan said oh shall we sit outside? It's nicer..more dithering for the group of 4 if us as we don't know each other & everyone was trying to be polite

I was getting to the end of my patience then so went to the bathroom & said I'd find them

Came out...they were outside...poor other colleague was wrapping a scarf around herself. We were surrounded by people smoking those glass pipe things (I forget the name)

The food was v basic. I ordered a vegetarian plate (it looked like that might be the best option ). It consisted of cubed potatoes, rice, a small spoon of veg moussaka & bread - cards on carbs!

I ate it without fuss & also worked hard to keep the small talk inclusive etc . I asked Maria how she normally copes with the vegan diet when travelling & she said she usually gets supermarket food. So from that point of view I was glad she did stay out.

But bloody hell there was a really selfish part of me thar was looking longingly across the square at the lovely bistro & wishing for a lovely glass of red wine & steak et frites...it had been tantalisingly close. I also wanted to chat to the older colleague about a part of work / project we're both involved in but it would have left Maria out of the loop.

And to top it all...I we spent so long faffing about finding vegan food by the time I got back to my hotel the bar had closed so I never even got thar glass of wine!

I REALLY wanted to say to Maria & the 4th colleague who didn't seem at all bothered by any of it - you go for the vegan stuff. Me & other colleague want go in here & eat meat / fish. But somehow that just didn't seem possible.

I woke up today feeling like a horrible person even though i did not let Maria know I was irritated....

OP posts:
Original poster
NewShoesForSpring · 13/05/2023 22:27

I actually never once said out loud that I wanted a glass of wine & a steak. That was also a private thought...but the bistro made me briefly think I might get that 😀

OP posts:
Truestorypeeps · 13/05/2023 22:27

I was waiting to hear a story about Mary, but all I read about was this bloody Maria.

Reads like 'first world problems ' to me.

LemonjeIIo · 13/05/2023 22:29

I would have said, well let's go to he bistro , I'm sure you can get something there (chips)
End of. Making it all about herself as per usual by dint

Jungleblur · 13/05/2023 22:33

There seems to be a fair few posters who don’t realise that ‘dithering’ means ‘cold’. I wonder if it’s a regional thing?

Not sure there was much to be done if the waiter couldn’t speak English, but you absolutely should have spoken up about sitting outside OP!

HarrietJet · 13/05/2023 22:35

There seems to be a fair few posters who don’t realise that ‘dithering’ means ‘cold’. I wonder if it’s a regional thing?
That's not the generally understood meaning.

Original poster
NewShoesForSpring · 13/05/2023 22:36

Dithering doesn't mean cold where I'm from! It means slow to make a decision

OP posts:
Stressyfab · 13/05/2023 22:37

For god sake how old are you? Didn’t have to do any of that did you

Soapyspuds · 13/05/2023 22:37

You should have told the vegan that you are a carnivore and that her choice of eatery was not suitable to your needs.

Sissynova · 13/05/2023 22:37

Jungleblur · 13/05/2023 22:33

There seems to be a fair few posters who don’t realise that ‘dithering’ means ‘cold’. I wonder if it’s a regional thing?

Not sure there was much to be done if the waiter couldn’t speak English, but you absolutely should have spoken up about sitting outside OP!

What a weird comment, even if there is a lesser known slang meaning for the word it clearly doesn’t make sense in the context. Pretty sure when OP says dithering she just means the typical meaning.
Your version doesn’t even make sense.

Emmamoo89 · 13/05/2023 22:38

I would be very pissed off and hangry and certainly wouldn't take no shit from a vegan and would of gone for that big juicy steak 😋

Verbena17 · 13/05/2023 22:38

NewShoesForSpring · 13/05/2023 20:31

I was away with work meeting several international colleagues.

3 of us were staying in the same direction & decided we'd head back together & get some dinner on the way. The quiet girl, let's call her Mary, heard us & said she was staying in the same general direction & would leave with us. We had no problem with this & so once we were finished up that drink we left the general group & checked if she was ready etc

We get off the metro at a busy area close to where our hotels are & there are loads of lovely bistros etc, all busy so one of the group suggestes we try one that looks v nice & has loads of people dining etc. We go over to take a look at the menu (though if it had been just me & the person who suggested it I'd say we'd have just gone straight in! It was getting late & we'd been slightly concerned we wouldn't even find dinner at that stage. So this place looked perfect.

Anyway Maria is hesitating by the menu & then she pipes up that she's vegan....

She tries asking the waiter if they have anything but he doesn't understand & do we're all standing about dithering & she had NO suggestions of what she'd like to do..we start walking around the square looking at all the menus....its now 10.15pm...I can feel our chances of finding some nice food fading...

She spends AGES reading every menu to reject them all. Eventually she stops in front of a cheap Lebanese place & says 'oh falafel I love them...' so we found ourselves eating a really crap dinner. Essentially it was like a takeaway place with plastic cutlery.

The colleague who suggested the Bistro is perhaps late 60s & has a condition that gives her a tremor & she wanted to sit inside as it was getting chilly outside

Maria the vegan said oh shall we sit outside? It's nicer..more dithering for the group of 4 if us as we don't know each other & everyone was trying to be polite

I was getting to the end of my patience then so went to the bathroom & said I'd find them

Came out...they were outside...poor other colleague was wrapping a scarf around herself. We were surrounded by people smoking those glass pipe things (I forget the name)

The food was v basic. I ordered a vegetarian plate (it looked like that might be the best option ). It consisted of cubed potatoes, rice, a small spoon of veg moussaka & bread - cards on carbs!

I ate it without fuss & also worked hard to keep the small talk inclusive etc . I asked Maria how she normally copes with the vegan diet when travelling & she said she usually gets supermarket food. So from that point of view I was glad she did stay out.

But bloody hell there was a really selfish part of me thar was looking longingly across the square at the lovely bistro & wishing for a lovely glass of red wine & steak et frites...it had been tantalisingly close. I also wanted to chat to the older colleague about a part of work / project we're both involved in but it would have left Maria out of the loop.

And to top it all...I we spent so long faffing about finding vegan food by the time I got back to my hotel the bar had closed so I never even got thar glass of wine!

I REALLY wanted to say to Maria & the 4th colleague who didn't seem at all bothered by any of it - you go for the vegan stuff. Me & other colleague want go in here & eat meat / fish. But somehow that just didn't seem possible.

I woke up today feeling like a horrible person even though i did not let Maria know I was irritated....

The restaurant would have made her a vegan salad for sure!
But she didn’t ask them. She could have had baguette no butter and maybe veggies or pasta. They wouldn’t have said no and made her nothing.

I think she was being unreasonable considering she was 1yr the other 3 of you.
Lady who was poorly and needed to be warm should have just said she couldn’t sit outside.

Jungleblur · 13/05/2023 22:42

NewShoesForSpring · 13/05/2023 22:36

Dithering doesn't mean cold where I'm from! It means slow to make a decision

Ah my bad, must be a local thing! In that case the whole thing sounds very awkward -but very British.

Original poster
NewShoesForSpring · 13/05/2023 22:43

No-one in the group is British 😅

OP posts:
DappledThings · 13/05/2023 22:45

There seems to be a fair few posters who don’t realise that ‘dithering’ means ‘cold’. I wonder if it’s a regional thing?
Where are you that dithering means cold? I've never heard that. It means faffing as OP has used it in every usage I've ever heard.

I'd have been the same OP. Would have been looking forward to a nice dinner when I'd found it, annoyed with Maria but wanting to not exclude her so gone along with it but been disappointed with the whole situation.

But I went to Paris with a vegan 15 years ago. That was tough. Ended up in a macrobiotic restaurant from a vegan guidebook we picked up in the Pompidou Centre. And vegan was the birthday girl we were there for so she definitely got to call the shots that time.

SD1978 · 13/05/2023 22:52

I wouldn't have accommodated someone that hadn't been in the plan to begin with. And wouldn't have sat outside of the whim of someone who was never invited. I don't understand why you didn't juts sit inside as was the plan. Bending over backwards for someone who chose to join you seems pretty daft unless she's superior to you in her job and you needed to keep her onside.

wwyd2021medicine · 13/05/2023 22:53

YANBU
Sounds awful. Id have left them all and gone back to the bistro.
The MN 'this doesn't work for me' comes to mind

Viviennemary · 13/05/2023 22:55

I don't blame you for being furious. Some people are just so selfish. They put their own needs above everybody else's. Dont go out with them again if she's there. .Absolute pain in the neck. Ruined your evening.

AnyaMarx · 13/05/2023 22:55

NewShoesForSpring · 13/05/2023 22:36

Dithering doesn't mean cold where I'm from! It means slow to make a decision

Dithering means slow and indecisive

Nithered means cold .

Original poster
NewShoesForSpring · 13/05/2023 23:02

I've never heard of nithered!
Mithered means annoying

OP posts:
VisionsOfSplendour · 13/05/2023 23:03

Jungleblur · 13/05/2023 22:33

There seems to be a fair few posters who don’t realise that ‘dithering’ means ‘cold’. I wonder if it’s a regional thing?

Not sure there was much to be done if the waiter couldn’t speak English, but you absolutely should have spoken up about sitting outside OP!

Maybe because dithering doesn't mean cold 😁

SquaresandStarlings · 13/05/2023 23:04

This is my DD16!!

The two of us spent a weekend staying at my sister's a couple of weeks ago in a lovely part of London...loads of lovely restaurants everywhere!

Day 1 we ended up getting a sun-par takeaway at home, and on day 2 we had to spend ages at Westfield choosing different meals from their food hall.

Can't vegans be flexible sometimes?

AnyaMarx · 13/05/2023 23:07

NewShoesForSpring · 13/05/2023 23:02

I've never heard of nithered!
Mithered means annoying

It's a northern England thing

Dithered- arsing about
Mithererd - to annoy
Nitherered- to be cold
Also nesh. Means cold oop north .

Someone has their dithered confused with their nithered

OMG12 · 13/05/2023 23:09

Jesus, you would have left someone on their own because you wanted a certain bistro - it’s food, you got fed. You enabled someone to eat food they could eat you had food you could eat. It was one night.

OMG12 · 13/05/2023 23:12

SquaresandStarlings · 13/05/2023 23:04

This is my DD16!!

The two of us spent a weekend staying at my sister's a couple of weeks ago in a lovely part of London...loads of lovely restaurants everywhere!

Day 1 we ended up getting a sun-par takeaway at home, and on day 2 we had to spend ages at Westfield choosing different meals from their food hall.

Can't vegans be flexible sometimes?

What do you mean about vegans being flexible? Suddenly eat meat? No!

IME nearly every restaurant has vegan food so not sure why you struggled x

Original poster
NewShoesForSpring · 13/05/2023 23:12

@SD1978 there was no hierarchy like that in the group. We were all delegates in a conference.
There was also no 'inner group' as such. We were a random smaller configuration of a bigger group.
I get that people think I'm giving out about vegans & that was not actually my purpose. It was more a musing on how hard these situations can be when you're spending time with people you don't really know.

Last time there was an in person meeting we were away for 3 nights & after 2 nights of being in the bigger group navigating where to eat / go for a drink etc on the 3rd night I said I was exhausted (not a total lie) & I went back to my hotel & had an incredible burger!!

My hotel did not have evening food this time or I'd have done the same. Plus it was only 2 nights away this time so also wanted to spend some down tome with the group

OP posts: