to think I've just done something which would shock a lot of Mumsnetters?

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

From my reading on here, I've concluded that answering the door when you're not expecting someone is a complete no-no for the majority of MumsNetters.

The doorbell went at lunchtime, I wasn't expecting anyone, but I answered it anyway!

It was a man who was lost, didn't know the area, trying to find a local church where a funeral was being held. I explained where it was, where to park etc. He then asked if I could recommend a pub or somewhere where he could get changed as he'd just driven 3 hours.

So I offered him our spare room to change in, made him a cup of tea and left him to get on with it. He was very appreciative and has now set off for the Church.

No biggie, we don't have anything valuable to nick, he seemed very nice although a bit flustered about being lost / getting to the Church.

So have I just broken all the MN rules or would most people have done the same?

What a goady post...

@SecretsIWouldNeverTell and yet I think you are the batshit one.

You don't have to read it.
The title was clear it would be.

@Dedodee Whatever, love 🤣🤣🤣

Everyone's entitled to their own opinion obviously, but when was the last time anyone's heard of someone coming to harm on foot of doing something like this? It was a kind thing to do, OP husband was there. All good.

It has absolutely nothing to do with being a woman, dh would have done the same.

I would risk assess and if it felt safe, dh home, I absolutely would have let him in for a quick change in the OPs circumstances. In my circumstances I probably wouldn't because it wouldn't have made sense for him to appear at my front door in a cul-de-sac in a residential estate miles away from the town centre.

You can PMSL all you like, but I'd prefer to be me than you any day and in my 53 years on this planet I have never had it back fire on me.

This is what is missing in our world. Kind People. Unfortunately a minority of horrible people have ruined it for the genuinely honest nice people . Thank you for helping that man.

He was hardly in desperate need, he just wanted directions and to change his kecks 🤣😂😆

Thread's gone bonkers! SO many arguments!😬😆

I am curious about why does it matter to you what most people would have done though, EmmaGrundy? Just worry about what you did/would have done and fuck what anyone else thinks!

Only if you choose to be goaded.

That's not the same thing at all.

The man that knocked on OP's door was not 'in need of help' other than asking for directions and needing to change his clothes.

All she needed to do was to point him in the right direction and he could have been on his way. Inviting him into her house and allowing him into the spare room to undress was unwise, to say the least.

I could 100% say my husband would do this for someone. It's just basic humanity tbh. But i do appreciate not everyone would be comfortable, to each his own etc.

I would have, if DP were here and we had a house with a spare room to do that in. As it is we have a hovel with too much stuff in it, there literally isn't anywhere for someone to get changed except our room and thats not exactly tidy either.

I'd let someone use the loo though.

My dad made lifelong friends when he let a couple of canadian teenagers camp in his field for a week having met them on the lane to his house looking a bit baffled, years ago (which included access to the house for the bathroom).

A very kind man gave me the keys to the property he was renovating, when he found me stood outside my then boyfriends house in the pissing rain, waiting for him to return, absolutely soaked to the skin and shivering. He put on the heating, and told me to get warm and he'd be back in half an hour. I stuck all my stuff on the rads, changed into dry clothes and then he came back and took me to the pub at the end of the road. Bought me a pint, soup and chips and then left when my sheepish twat of a boyfriend eventually appeared. He told me to just drop the key back when i collected my stuff later.

Thank fuck for him and his kindness, or id have been sat out in the rain for another three hours!

I wasn't being particularly kind and as others have said, he wasnt in desperate need. I just thought it would be nicer for him to change in our spare room than in a grotty pub toilet.

I wouldn't have offered if I had been home alone, I'm not stupid. Also our spare room and bathroom are at the top of the stairs, he didn't need to go near our bedroom. So it wasn't a huge risk.

Well done, OP, for being kind and not completely paranoid.

Maybe it is a regional thing. 🤷‍♀️ I am in Scotland, where is is completely normal to have a blether with, or help out complete strangers.

Odfod

I've been to 2 funerals on Saturdays

So your husband was there also. Bit of a drip feed! I wouldn’t let a strange man into our house even if I had my husband there,I guess I’m not a Good Samaritan. Open the door yes. Directions yes, but no strange man coming into our house in the pretence of taking his gear off to get changed 🤣

Seems fine to me, albeit I'd have only done that if my DH was also in the house/around.

The reason I posted was because once he'd gone, DH. and I discussed why it had seemed OK to offer him a room to change in, and what it said about our unconscious bias - because he appeared similar to us, middle aged, middle class etc.

Then the conversation moved on to whether other people would have done the same, and I told dh that loads of people on MN think you're mad for opening the door unless you've had prior notice.

@SecretsIWouldNeverTell he is. but I have enough sense not to let someone in alone. I would only do it when he was home with me. I also have two big dogs . However. I am only commenting on the fact that this is a sad world we live in now

I’d have answered the door. I wouldn’t have offered to let him in as I live alone in a tiny flat so would have had to offer my bedroom which is a bit of a mess, I would have to pick knickers from the floor etc before anyone could go in!

OP

You offered?! That is kind bonkers of you! He could be someone with a Fetish who goes around asking women this and here's you saying come in and he strips off (unlikely but not impossible) or casing your house with a lie about the funeral.

Change your locks.

This could have gone very wrong. Were you home alone?

Yet the people that look and sound like you are the ones you need to be careful about.

If he’s driven 3 hours then I’m sure he would have planned to get changed and where.

He would also have a phone or sat nav and knew exactly where the next pub was without needing to knock on your door.

Naive people are easy to spot if you’re looking for them, it sounds like he definitely picked the right house.