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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I've just done something which would shock a lot of Mumsnetters?

245 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 13/05/2023 14:33

From my reading on here, I've concluded that answering the door when you're not expecting someone is a complete no-no for the majority of MumsNetters.

The doorbell went at lunchtime, I wasn't expecting anyone, but I answered it anyway!

It was a man who was lost, didn't know the area, trying to find a local church where a funeral was being held. I explained where it was, where to park etc. He then asked if I could recommend a pub or somewhere where he could get changed as he'd just driven 3 hours.

So I offered him our spare room to change in, made him a cup of tea and left him to get on with it. He was very appreciative and has now set off for the Church.

No biggie, we don't have anything valuable to nick, he seemed very nice although a bit flustered about being lost / getting to the Church.

So have I just broken all the MN rules or would most people have done the same?

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 13/05/2023 14:44

finallygotospeaktoSky · 13/05/2023 14:41

I think this is a wind up personally to see how the vipers react.😉

My thought too. If it isn't then it was a really foolish thing to do.

Of course answering the door is perfectly normal behaviour, inviting a strange man into your house to change is madness.

Backtonormalatlast · 13/05/2023 14:44

OP you did exactly what I would have done . If your husband was there then I think you were kind and reasonable 👏

Nestpasenville · 13/05/2023 14:44

Lost my arse.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/05/2023 14:44

EmmaGrundyForPM · 13/05/2023 14:42

And he could see dh was here as well.

Slight drip feed there!

BirdChirp · 13/05/2023 14:44

What a stupid thing to do.

I do open my door, but only because I have a security gate. We don't all live in cutesy safe areas.

HarrietJet · 13/05/2023 14:45

Not allowing random strangers into your home is not a "Mumsnet Rule", op 😵‍💫

Pixiedust1234 · 13/05/2023 14:46

MattTebbuttsDenimShirt · 13/05/2023 14:38

It's a good job you lived to tell that tale really.

I wonder if he lived to tell it. It all sounds too um....weird 🤔😂

Sorry OP. I'm sure you are actually nice in rl.

Oysterbabe · 13/05/2023 14:46

Blondey2023 · 13/05/2023 14:40

This is a stupid thing to do regardless of what MN think! Wow, that was very trusting of you. Thank goodness he was genuine.

As far as we know he was genuine. Probably knocked one out in the spare bed.

pigsDOfly · 13/05/2023 14:46

Have you checked nothing is missing from the rooms near to where you left him OP?

Sounds like a typical distraction crime technique to me.

JaneJeffer · 13/05/2023 14:46

I hope you locked him in for a few minutes for the craic

Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 13/05/2023 14:48

Backtonormalatlast · 13/05/2023 14:44

OP you did exactly what I would have done . If your husband was there then I think you were kind and reasonable 👏

Thank you!

I did say to dh that it probably shows our unconscious bias that he was a middle aged, well spoken man who seemed really nice. If he'd been a 20 year old with a different accent I'd probably not have made the offer. Which isn't great to admit to, but true.

OP posts:
Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway · 13/05/2023 14:48

We had a terrible traffic jam outside our house after a bad accident. I let everyone in the use the toilet coz they’d been stuck in their cars for ages! Mumsnetters would have fainted.

custardbear · 13/05/2023 14:49

Check your pulse to make sure you didn't actually die!

In reality though, I wouldn't let them in either!!

Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 13/05/2023 14:50

pigsDOfly · 13/05/2023 14:46

Have you checked nothing is missing from the rooms near to where you left him OP?

Sounds like a typical distraction crime technique to me.

Our house is old with dreadful creaking floorboards. I'd have heard him if he'd gone into any other room. Plus he'd have been very disappointed, we really don't have anything of any value.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 13/05/2023 14:51

@Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway. that was kind. Hopefully everyone was very grateful

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 13/05/2023 14:51

EmmaGrundyForPM · 13/05/2023 14:41

He didn't ask, he asked for directions to a pub so he could change. I offered the spare room instead as i thought it woukd be nicer than trying to get into a suit in a pub toilet. He did look a bit surprised.

Show quote history

I didn’t say he asked I said I wouldn’t have invited him - irrespective of whether I was alone in the house or not . I also can’t understand why he would need to change just wear the suit and take the jacket / tie off if necessary whilst driving .

HarrietJet · 13/05/2023 14:52

JaneJeffer · 13/05/2023 14:46

I hope you locked him in for a few minutes for the craic

😂

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 13/05/2023 14:54

I would open the door. But definitely not offer a room to change in.

It does remind me of something my parents did when I was 14 (this was the 1980s. Late one Sunday evening in early summer. Very few people around. I was with my parents in the car and there was a young man (turned out he was 20) trying to wave them down. DF stopped the car. Young man was German, inter-railing and asking directions to the Youth Hostel. Parents offered to drive him there as it wasn’t far from our house. When we got to the YH it was closed. So my parents offered that he stay the night in our spare room. They took him home, cooked him some supper and put him up for the night. His English was superb and he was interesting and polite and so grateful. I was an only child, so just me and my parents at home. I remember my mother had me sleep in with her and my father took my room that night. So they must have had some thought to the potential risk. But they were not overly concerned.

In the morning my mother cooked him eggs and bacon and my father drove him to the train station. Several weeks later we received a postcard from Germany, from him, thanking my parents for letting him stay (he had taken a note of the address). I think of it occasionally, although I have long since forgotten his name and what he looked like.

I have 2 young adult daughters and a young son at home. I do not think I would do as my parents did. But I still smile when I think of it.

Booklover40 · 13/05/2023 14:55

I wouldn’t have probably invited him in however I did once let a woman who I didn’t know from Adam who had just been released from prison into my house (long story)!

whatkatydid2013 · 13/05/2023 14:58

I’ve done similar things OP. I don’t think it’s just mumsnet that doesn’t think it’s a good idea though. Various colleagues and acquaintances have been a bit horrified by everything from me inviting couch surfers and refugees to stay with us to my sharing my hotel room with a male colleagues when his booking got screwed up and he couldn’t get one without having to travel about 50 miles. I think most people are pretty decent really and I’m happier on the whole taking some risks than worrying about what might go wrong.

Booklover40 · 13/05/2023 14:58

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 13/05/2023 14:54

I would open the door. But definitely not offer a room to change in.

It does remind me of something my parents did when I was 14 (this was the 1980s. Late one Sunday evening in early summer. Very few people around. I was with my parents in the car and there was a young man (turned out he was 20) trying to wave them down. DF stopped the car. Young man was German, inter-railing and asking directions to the Youth Hostel. Parents offered to drive him there as it wasn’t far from our house. When we got to the YH it was closed. So my parents offered that he stay the night in our spare room. They took him home, cooked him some supper and put him up for the night. His English was superb and he was interesting and polite and so grateful. I was an only child, so just me and my parents at home. I remember my mother had me sleep in with her and my father took my room that night. So they must have had some thought to the potential risk. But they were not overly concerned.

In the morning my mother cooked him eggs and bacon and my father drove him to the train station. Several weeks later we received a postcard from Germany, from him, thanking my parents for letting him stay (he had taken a note of the address). I think of it occasionally, although I have long since forgotten his name and what he looked like.

I have 2 young adult daughters and a young son at home. I do not think I would do as my parents did. But I still smile when I think of it.

Aw, I have similar memories of my dp’s doing stuff like this. They were Christians and used to sometimes bring home waifs and strays to get extra God-points when they entered the pearly gates!

Tighginn · 13/05/2023 15:01

Seriously, this is batshit crazy.

ClairDeLaLune · 13/05/2023 15:01

Our car once broke down before the days of mobile phones and we knocked on someone’s door to borrow their phone to call the RAC. They invited us in to wait and we had a cup of tea and watched Catchphrase together. Bit bizarre, looking back!

whatkatydid2013 · 13/05/2023 15:05

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 13/05/2023 14:54

I would open the door. But definitely not offer a room to change in.

It does remind me of something my parents did when I was 14 (this was the 1980s. Late one Sunday evening in early summer. Very few people around. I was with my parents in the car and there was a young man (turned out he was 20) trying to wave them down. DF stopped the car. Young man was German, inter-railing and asking directions to the Youth Hostel. Parents offered to drive him there as it wasn’t far from our house. When we got to the YH it was closed. So my parents offered that he stay the night in our spare room. They took him home, cooked him some supper and put him up for the night. His English was superb and he was interesting and polite and so grateful. I was an only child, so just me and my parents at home. I remember my mother had me sleep in with her and my father took my room that night. So they must have had some thought to the potential risk. But they were not overly concerned.

In the morning my mother cooked him eggs and bacon and my father drove him to the train station. Several weeks later we received a postcard from Germany, from him, thanking my parents for letting him stay (he had taken a note of the address). I think of it occasionally, although I have long since forgotten his name and what he looked like.

I have 2 young adult daughters and a young son at home. I do not think I would do as my parents did. But I still smile when I think of it.

My parents did stuff like this too. I still remember the day we met an American family who’d gone to see the Roman wall and were trying to figure out what to do for the evening in our local town (odd place for tourists and bugger all to do). They invited them to ours and we kids all played while they watched a film and shared a bottle of wine. We sent the kids off with a few of my Roald Dahl books to read on the flight back and about a month later a package arrived with copies of Little House on the Prairie and two books called the Egypt game and the headless Cupid by a US children’s author. I loved them.

readbooksdrinktea · 13/05/2023 15:06

That just seems stupid. Sorry not sorry.

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