Paying for our own food - dinner party

[ColdBrewInSummer]

we were invited to a friends house for dinner. Took a bottle of good wine with us, we wouldn’t ever go empty handed.

had a good meal, but they sent us a message after asking for money for each person! I thought this was crazy and I would never ask anyone to pay for their food if I invited them over!

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? We’ve already arranged to have them to ours in a few weeks time and I’m not asking them
for anything!

I’m 100% sure it’s wasn’t a joke. Got a ‘thanks’ text after I transferred the money.

I know, I know. I’m a mug!

Hilariously gauche. It’s like something from Abigail’s Party.

Now you’ve paid cancel the return invite.

Did they also include a service charge ?

I’ve just read that you paid. Now I’ve lost all respect for you and your predicament and no wonder they have treated you like mugs. £20 each? You’ve just broken the cardinal rule and paid the kidnappers. It just encourages and rewards the rude tight-fisted cunts.

The only thing I can think of that may have given them an indication that we were contributing was that we got a text from them asking if their proposed menu (steak and veggies) was ok for us and to check if we liked it. We said that sounded great, no allergies etc, thanked them and said we looked forward to seeing them.

at that point, were we meant to contribute? Were they asking for money and we were just being stupid?

I hope a newspaper picks this thread up.

Please drop these "friends"

Wow. How do you feel about your friendship now? Are you still going to invite them over? At least you know you can then get the money back from them after if you do. It will be very telling as to wither or not they just pay up...

Outrageous!

Text back and say

whoops I forgot the service charge, I bet I won't get a tip when you come to ours ha ha ha

Nope many of my friends do that.

The only time I have to contribute towards food is if I have to buy some ingredients they can't get for a variety of reasons. I live near more supermarkets and specialist shops than some people so it's fair.

Of course not. It just sounds like they were checking the menu was good for their guests.

Bottom line is - in business you don’t slap on hidden charges, if you want to charge people for a service you quote them upfront.

It’s I defensible on every level.

Could have asked for a cost breakdown and receipts before paying 😂

'We're holding a supper club night. £10 a head to cover food and BYO wine' do you fancy it? Is one thing. You brought wine and ate our food and now we want ££ is, as everyone else said, is CF extraordinaire.

If you carry on with the return invite send the message 'as we're charging friends now, we'd like £X contribution please to our bank and add details. Do bring a botttle'

Whatever you do don’t use the loo, there’ll be a bog roll surcharge.

Are you going to go ahead with the dinner you have planned for them at your house?

Sorry, but no way could I or would I just pay up without comment - their behaviour is bizarre and needs an explanation. I would either ask outright why they had decided to charge us for their food and company after the event, or would petulantly send them a return text requesting payment for their share of the wine and asking them what their budget is for the meal you will be providing when they come to yours, because you wouldn’t want to spring an unwelcome surprise on them.

This is all sorts of batshit. Did you ask for a breakdown?

• Steaks £10
• Veggies £2.50
• Condiments (FPE ie. ‘full portion equivalent’ £.030
• Petrol for shopping £1.25
• Time for shopping £15
• Time for cooking £25 (time is money people!!)
• Energy for cooking £2.00
• Washing up £0.50
• General wear and tear £0.50

“Please note all bills are charged at cost and we do not make a profit off inviting friends for dinner. We’d appreciate your prompt payment to the account details below. Late payment charges will be applied”.

Think you might have got off lightly with £20 😂

You are reciprocating with a meal!
No friends don't charge, they discuss way before hand if they feel the need to ask for a donation, usually if there is a big gathering or a BBQ type of affair, but no, you're only stupid to pay them.

Are you going to do the same when they come to you? Crazy.

So what happens when they next come to yours? Obviously you're not going to charge them but I would find it hard not to be pissed off. In fact I probably wouldn't invite them and the friendship would eventually fizzle out

Tbh I would either drop them from your friendship group now and cancel dinner or keep the invite and charge them back, if they make any noise about paying then you know for good what kind of people they are.

Good friends don’t do this
so
Assume you’ll be charging when you host OP.
if that’s their modus operandi

YANBU @ColdBrewInSummer , they can't do that after the event- most of us have a budget we think of.

They should've at least said this beforehand.

Are they British and are you in the UK? This is quite normal in some Scandinavian countries.

I can’t believe you paid and without any comment!

I also would’ve replied with laughing emojis.

Absolutely cancel the return invite.
Funny and petty but I couldn’t be bothered with the effort and faff of hosting them and then also asking for payment.