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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying for our own food - dinner party

438 replies

ColdBrewInSummer · 12/05/2023 18:19

we were invited to a friends house for dinner. Took a bottle of good wine with us, we wouldn’t ever go empty handed.

had a good meal, but they sent us a message after asking for money for each person! I thought this was crazy and I would never ask anyone to pay for their food if I invited them over!

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? We’ve already arranged to have them to ours in a few weeks time and I’m not asking them
for anything!

OP posts:
Fe1986 · 12/05/2023 20:52

Before we met, my husband got invited to a dinner party by a friend’s partner and he then had to cough up a lot of money for a pretty mediocre meal. I think he said it was meat but very burnt/tough. The couple are still tediously stingy (despite doing alright for themselves). Eg They will count a menu total several times if they order a little bit less (despite it being three of them with their child and just two of us) so they don’t overpay a penny but, on the very rare occasion that we order less than them, they will insist on splitting “to make things easier”. They always have to get a good deal but don’t mind the others being out of pocket a little. I would much prefer just going out with my husband than with such tight wads.

So it does happen very occasionally. But YANBU to be shocked. I’d pay and cancel my upcoming dinner party. Just enjoy it with people who are as hospitable as you are or even just you and your other half. But I would send an “Oh apologies - we thought we were being invited so didn’t realise we’d be paying hence we brought the wine as a gift. I have transferred it across. By the way, we are having to cancel our dinner party. Have a great week!”

UWhatNow · 12/05/2023 20:52

I would certainly be sending the word out amongst ‘mutual friends’ and absolute rinse them for the piss takers they are.

Dwightlovesmichael · 12/05/2023 20:52

ColdBrewInSummer · 12/05/2023 20:33

The only thing I can think of that may have given them an indication that we were contributing was that we got a text from them asking if their proposed menu (steak and veggies) was ok for us and to check if we liked it. We said that sounded great, no allergies etc, thanked them and said we looked forward to seeing them.

at that point, were we meant to contribute? Were they asking for money and we were just being stupid?

I always check with people of the food I am making is okay with them. Just because I want my guests to feel happy. Not because I am fishing for payment.

porridgeisbae · 12/05/2023 20:54

I'd say:-

'I can't do that as I work to a budget and so do not have the money. Asking after the event just isn't possible, as I have spent the money I allocated for the evening on the wine I bought.'

ThePoshUns · 12/05/2023 20:57

feellikeanalien · 12/05/2023 19:29

Just reply to them with some laughing emojis.

Was about to post the same

Fe1986 · 12/05/2023 20:58

Just saw you paid, OP, and bought them a pretty niceish bottle too you’d know they’d like.

I think some people actually get a little buzz out of making money from certain scenarios, even so-called friends. Which, by the sounds of it, they did here if you guys paid for your meals and you got them a decent bottle you know they’d enjoy. Urgh… They remind me of people who brag about making money on their wedding through monetary gifts and enlisting all their guests to make a cake for free, DJ etc…

Anyway, at least you know now so you can decline in future. Get a nice takeaway for the cost they’d charge you instead.

HildaSwan · 12/05/2023 20:58

Pretentious low life, so ill mannered.

DrManhattan · 12/05/2023 20:58

Can I have £40 please too?

This is defo one for the daily fail

RunningRunningRunningRunningRunning · 12/05/2023 20:58

I'd either cancel them coming over OR have some fun, see how cheaply you can cater for and how much you can charge, vege stir fry £30 each 🤣, cheap piss wine to wash it down. They aren't friends, they are CF.

prescribingmum · 12/05/2023 20:58

While I love reading the suggested replies from other posters, I would have done the same to keep the peace, especially if you have mutual friends and don't want to cut ties. However, I would also be making up an excuse to cancel the invite for them to come round and not suggest an alternative date!

Blossombathing · 12/05/2023 21:00

Outrageous!
I would say you would still love to see them for dinner but can’t host at home now, and switch to a restaurant and go halves on the bill.

There is no way I would cook for them!

Sudokufail · 12/05/2023 21:00

I'd just send the money but I'd cancel the invitation. They wouldn't be friends of mine any more! 😳

converseandjeans · 12/05/2023 21:00

That's ridiculous. I know some people host a meal & provide meat & ask others to bring say salads or nibbles or a pudding. But to charge just over £20 seems a lot - why not just £20?

I was wondering if they think you're loaded?

Surely best option would have been to order take out & split costs? That would have been cheaper too.

MinnieGirl · 12/05/2023 21:01

You will never view these people in the same light again. They have played you for a fool, and you all know it. Over £40 to accept a dinner invitation? This is always going to be the elephant in the room. I can’t believe you paid them!

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 12/05/2023 21:02

Not read full thread, but whatever they charge you, charge them double when they come to yours next week

pontipinemum · 12/05/2023 21:02

That is beyond cheeky!!

aloris · 12/05/2023 21:06

Instead of canceling your own dinner party, you could try texting them beforehand, "Hi, wanted to let you know dinner on Thursday at our place will be 20 each. See you Thursday!" And see how they respond. Could be interesting!

LynetteScavo · 12/05/2023 21:07

I'm not sure she was asking for £40 - maybe just commenting on how much the dinner cost. Did you keep asking how much things cost when you went for dinner, and she was trying to be funny? I'm grasping at straws here.

Tigofigo · 12/05/2023 21:07

Did you drink an insane about of v expensive booze?

If yes I wonder if they thought you took the piss so decided to charge you.

We invited friends over last month, they bought a bottle of wine with them but then drank 3 between them, plus cocktails. They've not invited us back and I did feel a bit miffed especially as they have more £ than us!

lap90 · 12/05/2023 21:09

Tell them how much the wine cost and ask for half back.

Completely ridiculous.

TellHimDirectlyInDetail · 12/05/2023 21:09

Have the husbands spoke to each other about it and forgot to tell you?

Kisskiss · 12/05/2023 21:09

Is this the first time they have hosted you and you them? Just trying to understand how they could possibly think charging friends for a dinner party is socially acceptable 😂

JMSA · 12/05/2023 21:10

Crikey!! Shock

SageRosemary · 12/05/2023 21:23

I see you've stumped up but an appropriate response to the text request might have been: -

"OH MY GOODNESS CF FRIEND, HAS YOUR PHONE BEEN HACKED😕???? JUST GOT A CRAZY REQUEST TO SEND MONEY🤑, ASSUMING THIS IS A SCAM, CALL ME IF NOT"

123wdcd · 12/05/2023 21:24

Ugh, we knew a couple a bit like this. Always painful going out when the bill appeared. They were well off and used to brag about cars/holidays, then hold an inquisition over any bill (as a vegetarian who was often driving them, I certainly was not ordering anything outrageously expensive). Never got an invoice for a dinner party, at least. I would pay, but also cancel the return invite as they have made things so awkward. I would also ask for the thread to be deleted before the Daily Fail picks this up.

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