Paying for our own food - dinner party

[ColdBrewInSummer]

we were invited to a friends house for dinner. Took a bottle of good wine with us, we wouldn’t ever go empty handed.

had a good meal, but they sent us a message after asking for money for each person! I thought this was crazy and I would never ask anyone to pay for their food if I invited them over!

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? We’ve already arranged to have them to ours in a few weeks time and I’m not asking them
for anything!

I'd invite them for dinner at yours BUT I'd ask for £20 each to be paid upfront so you can buy the ingredients!

Because there is no way these fuckers will cough up after the event like you foolishly did.

Match their cunty behaviour? No - raise the game😁

Of for Christs sake just ring them and speak to them. Be blunt. Are they in financial difficulties as you’re struggling to understand why friends would otherwise be charged for a dinner party.

I’d change your dinner date to a take away now and tell them to pay for their own!
or text and cancel completely saying you’ve had an unexpected expense this month so need to cancel!
I would never go for dinner there again, nor would I ever do food for them…. Meet outside for food and just split the bills or something. Or just do nibbles at home!

Why exclude water from the bill? Particularly if the host is on a water meter😕

OP, based on your updates about some things you struggle with, I reckon they saw you coming. They clearly knew, as your acquaintance - not a friend to her clearly so not sure why you keep talking about friendship - that you were not the sort of person who would reply calling them out for being a cheeky pair of fuckers and you certainly wouldn’t gossip about them to others, and you definitely wouldn’t stop your ‘friendship’, so they took a chance on you. I’m guessing your DH is similar to you in this respect. They probably took advantage of your good natures and the CoL crisis and knew you two would be far too polite to question them or gossip to others about them charging you.

I BET they wouldn’t do it with a bigger dinner party group, especially if they knew one or two would point out how rude they are/refuse to pay/tell others about their CF antics/stop spending time with them.

Water charges optional.

If they are friends, then surely you can just ask them why they're billing for dinner at their house, when this isn't either the norm/what was agreed before hand.

Me too, and then serve up chicken nuggets and chips

@rainbowlou Rice and pinto beans.

@T1Dmama text and cancel completely saying you’ve had an unexpected expense this month so need to cancel!

This!

I've been keeping an eye on this. There are right cheeky gits. If they'd wanted a contribution toward the meal that should have been mentioned up front. But who charges when inviting someone to dinner anyway?

There are times when you might say that there's a charge, but it's always stated explicitly upfront. "It's a party, for <person X> and I'm going to need a contribution of £n to cover the catering" might be one of them.

I'd be tempted to serve them tinned soup and a ham sandwich next time that are at yours, OP.

@WonkyBananas Aldi cup a soup with a single Everyday Essentials slice of white bread.

£20.

19.86 profit. Ker-ching.

Maybe a couple of pieces of tinned peaches for pudding if they're lucky.

I'm not quite that cruel.

I told my husband about this thread. His first reaction was to tell the cf's the meal wasn't worth £20.

Then he said, anyway I don't believe for a moment the story is true.

Don’t pay it and cancel your dinner party or dump them as friends.
Or have your dinner party and don’t mention money, show them up for what they are.

If you were to say "Hey, we're all going down to 'ABC Bar & Grill' to celebrate my birthday, do you guys want to meet us there?" Then you would EXPECT to have to pay for your portion, but not when you "invited" to a birthday party.

Aren’t these two scenarios above the same thing?
Are they both not invitations to a Birthday Party?
What’s the difference here?

If you were to say "Hey, we're all going down to 'ABC Bar & Grill' to celebrate my birthday, do you guys want to meet us there?" Then you would EXPECT to have to pay for your portion, but not when you "invited" to a birthday party.

@MsDee1995
Aren’t these two scenarios above the same thing?
Are they both not invitations to a Birthday Party?
What’s the difference here?

I think we’ve established that they are very rude and bad hosts.

How do you move forward from this?
I would either have them over and show them what good hosting looks like. If you charge them you just stoop to their level and this becomes a throng that happens in your circles.

If they ask about costs (I doubt they would) look shocked ‘oh we wouldn’t dream of charging our guests’. However, I fear this may be lost on them…

So I’d probably just cancel their invite and back off the friendship. Invite others around for dinner and never them.

For what it’s worth, I can be quite gobby and I would have just silently paid and not said a word like you did. If the £40 is that important to them I would not have dignified it with a response…They are rude and undignified.

Do they drink or do coke?

My Sil and her mother often charge for dinner invites. We have always found this to be pretty rude. Glad to see the majority think the same.

@Betterbear do their friends still come round to their dinner parties? Why only "often" do they charge and not always - interested to know the criteria!

Stick with your dinner invitation, keep it modest (ie no steak) and don't charge them, because that's not what you do. See if they query it and offer to pay.

Well we do get invited to family birthdays etc. However my brother's in laws run a restaurant that is right next to the family home. It is never fully disclosed where we will be asked to sit. If it is in the home we are not charged, but if it is in the restaurant we are presented with a bill even though there is no one else around. 9/10 times it will be in the restaurant. This happens around 3 times a year.
We also do lots of hosting and never charge for anything, but I would say we do it more regularly around maybe 6-7 times within a year. Usually we provide more expensive food, ie good quality cuts of meat etc. When we are presented with a bill it is usually for cheap basic food and always at full menu price so the family make a profit out of hosting each other.
We are also not allowed beverages unless we pay, this includes tea/coffee, water juices for the children. Where as we are pretty generous with stalking up on different drinks for everyone including alcohol.

I just wouldn’t go to this. Especially as you are generously hosting them so often (I’d stop that too). I’d ask - ‘are we coming to yours for dinner or eating out in your restaurant where we’ll have to pay?’ If they say restaurant- I’d say ‘sorry money’s a bit tight at the moment’

Next time you get an invite ask them if this is a family meal or a restaurant meal?

If they say family meal, say ‘I assume then that there is no charge?’

If they say restaurant meal, say ‘no thanks, we haven’t budgeted for meals out this month’.

Delatron cross post!