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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying for our own food - dinner party

438 replies

ColdBrewInSummer · 12/05/2023 18:19

we were invited to a friends house for dinner. Took a bottle of good wine with us, we wouldn’t ever go empty handed.

had a good meal, but they sent us a message after asking for money for each person! I thought this was crazy and I would never ask anyone to pay for their food if I invited them over!

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? We’ve already arranged to have them to ours in a few weeks time and I’m not asking them
for anything!

OP posts:
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 12/05/2023 22:03

I wouldn’t ask for this to be deleted I’d have it kept up so your “friends” know how tight they are.

They are incredibly rude. Either you ask for a food contribution or at the very worst a monetary contribution and you can decide to pay, bring food or not go. To invite you for dinner and expect you to pay isn’t on, at all.

Oldieandgoldie · 12/05/2023 22:04

I know I’m late, but, I like the previous poster’s suggestions….

Hi CF friend, I think you’ve been hacked, I’ve just had a request to pay for the dinner you invited us to least week?!?! Obviously I’m not paying, but just so’s you’re aware. It doesn’t look good, does it?

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 12/05/2023 22:04

As PP have said, I’d be reconsidering the friendship too. The only way they could salvage this with me would be a grovelling apology and a promise never to do this again.

porridgeisbae · 12/05/2023 22:08

Or ask beforehand, 'How much is this going to cost? I need to see if it fits in the budget.' (Okay, not really, but then again, why not?! If they can be weirdos, maybe you should, too.)

@mydoghasanattitude I don't think that's weird as such, I don't have a limitless amount of £ do you? It would be weird in normal circumstances but not weird in response to the actions of these CFs who charge.

willWillSmithsmith · 12/05/2023 22:08

Get yourself one of those personal chip and pin machines and present it to them after your dinner party, tell them to get their debit cards out.

Truestorypeeps · 12/05/2023 22:09

That would COMPLETELY put me off them. What absolute stingy cockwombles.

CabbagePatchDole · 12/05/2023 22:10

Do you go to theirs a lot? Perhaps they're dropping you a not so subtle hint .

porridgeisbae · 12/05/2023 22:10

Get yourself one of those personal chip and pin machines and present it to them after your dinner party, tell them to get their debit cards out.

😂

Kate0902900908 · 12/05/2023 22:10

Eh????
what on earth?
i would honestly send a message back as if you have taken it as a joke,

‘😂 All jokes aside we would pay that just for your company thank you again for a great night see you in a few weeks x’

Fe1986 · 12/05/2023 22:11

Oldieandgoldie · 12/05/2023 22:04

I know I’m late, but, I like the previous poster’s suggestions….

Hi CF friend, I think you’ve been hacked, I’ve just had a request to pay for the dinner you invited us to least week?!?! Obviously I’m not paying, but just so’s you’re aware. It doesn’t look good, does it?

Brilliant…

I’d add the final two sentences: “Honestly, these scammers aren’t just happy taking our money anymore. They also want to make people look like right cheeky fuckers. But it did make me laugh - as if we’d fall for something so absurd… 😂”

snowlady4 · 12/05/2023 22:14

How bizarre.
I actually think I'd have to let them know how inappropriate they are being. - I'd reply with laughing faces or something at first and then an, are you being serious?? when they didn't reply to the laughing faces.
Completely inappropriate of them.
They could have invited you for crisps and beers if they didn't want to spend too much. They chose the menu, bought the shopping and served it. Not your choice. I absolutely would not cough up for this. Apart from anything, you've no doubt had the expense of bringing them the gift of bottle of wine and taxi there and back! What's next?- you've to chip in for their heating and water seen as you used some whilst you're there!?
Honestly, I don't know what planet some people live on these days- certainly not this one!

ThatFraggle · 12/05/2023 22:18

Don't delete the thread.

They deserve to see it in the Faily Fail, mocked by the nation as tight arses.

snowlady4 · 12/05/2023 22:18

Oh just read your reply that you paid them!.. More fool you!
I would now reply saying the wine cost X amount if you want to square us up for that if this us what we're doing. But, I doubt you will!- I can understand you want to keep the peace with your friends, but this is completely astonishing to me! I don't think I coukd continue the friendship in the same way- probably best to keep your distance from these lunatics!

Knittedfairies · 12/05/2023 22:18

I'd be thinking of serving them beans on toast when they come round for dinner; to keep the cost down for them, given that money is tight as they've just moved.

SeenYourArse · 12/05/2023 22:19

There is no way in hell it cost £80 for steak and veggies for 4!!! Even a chateaubriand EACH would only come to this or thereabouts for gods sake they’ve taken the piss massively!

NutellaNut · 12/05/2023 22:22

You are a mug to have meekly paid up! They were being absolutely ridiculous and grabby. If they’d mentioned sharing costs beforehand as they were hard up, then fair enough, but to bill you afterwards is crazy behaviour. Also, £20 a head for steak and vegetables isn’t far off restaurant prices - are they including the cost of heating, lighting and their time for cooking the meal? If not, where did they buy the ingredients - Fortnum and Masons? I hope you’re billing them for dinner at your place next time…£20 a head’s the going rate apparently.

Fluffypuppy1 · 12/05/2023 22:22

YANBU.

That’s really weird behaviour. Personally I would be “sick” a day or two before I was due to host them. Don’t reschedule or go to their house as just a couple in future.

NooNooHead1981 · 12/05/2023 22:24

willWillSmithsmith · 12/05/2023 22:08

Get yourself one of those personal chip and pin machines and present it to them after your dinner party, tell them to get their debit cards out.

This made me snort with laughter! 😅🤣

NooNooHead1981 · 12/05/2023 22:29

Why did you pay the buggers? Are you really so subservient and happy to bow down to those who ask you to do unreasonable things? You know it was an odd and wrong request, yet you went against good advice not to pay and sent them money.

So now you have the consequences of your actions and the decision to keep on with the whole charade and charge them (which will be setting a precedent), or ignoring them from now on and being able to find better, less stingy friends who don't take the Mickey (or should that be "mockery"...?)

Rachaelrachael · 12/05/2023 22:31

This happened to me once. Group of friends went to one of the girls houses for Sunday lunch. We were all asked to contribute a few £ towards the chicken dinner as we were walking out the door and saying our goodbyes 😂

drpet49 · 12/05/2023 22:35

You are a fool for paying.

UsingChangeofName · 12/05/2023 22:42

Hi CF friend, I think you’ve been hacked, I’ve just had a request to pay for the dinner you invited us to least week?!?! Obviously I’m not paying, but just so’s you’re aware. It doesn’t look good, does it?

This would have been brilliant!

I can't believe you have paid it OP.

The idea that you paid it as you have mutual friends and were worried they would find out and think you stingy makes no sense whatsoever. If the so called friends mentioned it to other mutual friends, it isn't you who would be thought of as odd, or stingy.

Davros · 12/05/2023 22:49

Did you deduct the price of the wine you took? Fares/petrol to get there?

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/05/2023 22:49

ColdBrewInSummer · 12/05/2023 21:38

My fear for not paying was that WE would be seen as the stingey people. To be known as stingey is absolutely the worst for me!

also, as mentioned, the fact we have lots of mutuals.

god I am so worried this will be picked up now! I’ve asked MN to delete, thanks for all your replies. I genuinely was shocked and thought maybe we’d done something wrong (and no we didn’t drink lots, 2 bottles between the 4 of us)!

Better for it to be picked up
And the hosts to know they are cheeky stingy fuckers

AmandaHoldensLips · 12/05/2023 22:53

Text:

"So not a dinner party for friends but a pop-up restaurant with a bill attached then?"