Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying for our own food - dinner party

438 replies

ColdBrewInSummer · 12/05/2023 18:19

we were invited to a friends house for dinner. Took a bottle of good wine with us, we wouldn’t ever go empty handed.

had a good meal, but they sent us a message after asking for money for each person! I thought this was crazy and I would never ask anyone to pay for their food if I invited them over!

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? We’ve already arranged to have them to ours in a few weeks time and I’m not asking them
for anything!

OP posts:
Bonjovispjs · 12/05/2023 22:59

I wouldn't want to be friends with people like that and paying them was just stupid.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 12/05/2023 23:03

Was about to vote YANBU but then saw that you'd paid these CFs - which makes you utterly unreasonable.
Seriously - £20 per person just for food?!
Or did they maybe mean £20 per couple?

I honestly hope this does end up in the tabloids so that everyone concerned hangs their heads in shame.

...and that (a) you tell every single mutual friend what's happened... ...and (b) if you do have them round to yours after this debacle that you ask them to pay £20 each upfront before even serving the main course, and tell them that everyone on MN thinks they're ridiculous.

DorothyBaker · 12/05/2023 23:05

You should have just ignored the message with the "cost", pretended you never got it. Unlikely they would be hounding you for the money...did they provide their bank details too?
It's such a shame you've paid but at least now you definitely have to tell every single mutual friend that you have been charged for dinner there and find out if anyone else has been. And I cannot imagine any mutual friends thinking you are stingy because you refused to pay! Also yeah, as a pp said, it's cheaper to have a meal at the pub. You can get a good steak at Waitrose for about 3.70 a steak!

Nothingisblackandwhite · 12/05/2023 23:10

I would reply “ nice joke “ followed by a 😂, can you I shove if people did that “
Honestly this has gut to be the rudest thing I ever saw done to a guest

ThereIbledit · 12/05/2023 23:11

okay so - we’ve already paid. It was too awkward not too. I hate confrontation

🙃

Isittimeformynapyet · 12/05/2023 23:18

Why do you think your "mutuals" would be as vile as the CFs and think what they did was acceptable? You sound insecure, which can't be nice for you.

I know I'd've been straight onto mutual friends to hear what they thought

Peachy2005 · 12/05/2023 23:27

Sad that you paid them 😥

Cancel the return dinner and warn all your mutual friends.

mainsfed · 12/05/2023 23:32

I’d cancel the dinner invite to them.

Lysianthus · 12/05/2023 23:37

Assuming this thread hasn't been deleted....
Why ask MN if you'd already paid?
Why pay?
Ffs.
You do know that after you have them for dinner next week, you'll have to text them with the bill. Lobster, anyone?

Oneglassisnotenough · 12/05/2023 23:37

ColdBrewInSummer · 12/05/2023 18:32

We were very much invited! They’d just moved so wanted to host at their new apartment.

Asked for just over £20 each. I’m assuming that was all the food they cooked divided by all of us.

we really enjoy their company, they’re great friends. It’s just this I can’t get over…

Great friends they are not OP.

They are cheeky and rude.

Powertoyou · 12/05/2023 23:45

When they come to your house for dinner have a menu printed with the prices on. Then when they use the bathroom, stand outside and give them a paper towel, a squirt of scent and then point to the tip jar. Then never see them again.

HoppingPavlova · 12/05/2023 23:48

No way I could get past this. I’d go with a PA approach. Have them over as planned, don’t give a bill afterwards and when they offer (as they would be absolute top notch CF’ers not to), respond with ‘goodness gracious no, we’d never dream of asking anyone for money for food when we invite them over, that’s odd’ and then quickly change verbal or text conversation to a neutral topic negating opportunity for response. They’ll get it.

bagpuss90 · 12/05/2023 23:50

I’m speechless ….

hippopotterus · 12/05/2023 23:52

My toes are curling for you. That is horrendous behaviour.

bagpuss90 · 12/05/2023 23:55

Actually years ago I spent Xmas at a couples house with my then partner . She dumped him a couple of days after Xmas , and he sent us each a bill for the food and drink. No mobiles back then - but I think I sent him a card saying I was sorry they’d split up and thanked him for his hospitality - no money tho

uncomfortablydumb53 · 12/05/2023 23:57

It's incredibly rude and I'm surprised she had the audacity to ask.. after the meal as well
I can't imagine asking a friend especially when you're being invited to theirs in due course
YANBU

TheChosenTwo · 12/05/2023 23:58

Powertoyou · 12/05/2023 23:45

When they come to your house for dinner have a menu printed with the prices on. Then when they use the bathroom, stand outside and give them a paper towel, a squirt of scent and then point to the tip jar. Then never see them again.

This has really tickled me 😂

AtrociousCircumstance · 12/05/2023 23:58

You were crazy to pay.

If they do come for dinner with you, charge them and only them.

Insane.

Trez1510 · 12/05/2023 23:59

Until your post indicating the specific dish was mentioned, I was inclined to think they'd mis-sent the text and it was intended for someone else, about something else entirely.

Did you ask for an official receipt for the money you sent? I would. 😉

I would also not be able to spend an evening in their company again so I'd be cancelling the return visit.

As others have said, I'd also be sounding out mutual friends to find out if this is their usual behaviour with everyone.

IVFfirsttimer91 · 13/05/2023 00:02

YANBU, this happened to me once. Was invited to a dinner party by someone i used to consider my best friend and had spent many evenings with (and cooked many dinners for!) before this particular evening occured. Before we had even finished eating were told that we owed x amount each for the meal and that cash would be great but if we didn’t have any on us then bank transfer or paypal(?!?!) would be ok ‘i guess’. I told her to fuck right off. Needless to say when she texted me to ask me if she could pop over a few evenings later to hang out and to collect ‘her’ money that was the last time we ever spoke.

Kennykenkencat · 13/05/2023 00:07

Believe me when I say the only ones to look stingy amongst your friends are the Cf’s

Can you leave them a Tripadvisor review

Kennykenkencat · 13/05/2023 00:10

I dont think these people are your friends and it would be weird having them over

If they try this type of thing on other friends they will quickly find themselves not in the group no matter how sparkling their personality is

MsRosley · 13/05/2023 00:20

Apart from anything else, there is no way that unprepared food for one person comes to £20. No way at all. They've charged you for bloody cooking it.

This would end the friendship stone dead for me. No way on earth I could get past it.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/05/2023 00:25

Let me get this straight: you were invited to dinner by your friends; You customarily and politely brought wine, and decent wine at that.; After dinner these same friends text you a bill for dinner; And you paid to keep the peace.

Have you been to theirs for dinner before without this expectation?

I would be sending my own text:
Sorry for the delay.
Your share for the wine is ---.

Please remit asap by bank transfer. TIA. ❤️

OP, why are you panicking about having posted this? You friend should be mortified for having asked for money after the fact. If she says anything I'd tell her how flabbergasted I was to have received a bill for dinner. And that if she wanted to share costs she should've said that up front. Ask your mutuals if they've had the same experience.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 13/05/2023 00:26

Send them a bill for £20 each "for the pleasure of my company"
Or send them a bill of £20 each "asshole tax"