DS 14 and violent porn

[Hairsterical]

Real or set up kidnaps of teen girls getting gang raped, "slave" auctions, close ups of butthole plugs in use - these are among the images my young teen accessed recently, now unfortunately burned into both of our brains.

I believe he only recently started to be interested in sex/masturbating, and I was not surprised when I saw some very slightly racy content a few weeks earlier in his YouTube history. Now, still at the start of his whole sexual journey, he is being stimulated by harmful images that could set his baseline.

DS has been under the spell of influencers and appears to have developed a misogynistic view of the world that involves women rightfully belonging to men and violence against women being normal and correct. Through YouTube videos, Twitter memes and the like, he seems to have followed this thinking straight down the path to violent porn.

We are on a course of action to counter these views and frankly step the f up on our parenting, which was a bit lackadaisical on this and some other areas, primarily making sure our family values are instilled into him - such as treating each and every human being on this earth with respect. I think we assumed DS shared our values but of course teens are testing boundaries and looking for their own identities, and I think DS is currently attracted to extreme views.

I'm looking for thoughts and advice on how to deal with this. Every podcast or report on this topic seems to find that a vast amount of porn is violent --- so why on earth is this normalised and seemingly accepted - boys will be boys.

DS's school supposedly has been tackling these very issues around influencers and misogyny and consent. Yet my impression is that some boys are just learning not to express their real opinions because they know what they are "supposed" to think. Should I notify the school of my concerns and my son's recent behaviour perhaps?

We had some controls on one of his devices but another was free and clear to bring anything into our home. We have clamped down on that, but before this DS claimed to be the only one of his friends with any time limits or controls. When I looked on threads here, it seemed indeed many parents had zero controls on their 14 and 15 year olds. So do you know what your teen is looking at?

IMO interest in sex and images is 100% normal but society seems to be moving toward sex and violence toward women being part and parcel. I despair.

Wow, some fun replies here!! It is fascinating to see how my words and descriptions can be constructed into certain ideas and narratives around our family. But that's OK, I know we can't help but project onto what we read here, and I did ask for thoughts and advice.

Real question: who are some postive male influencers?

By that logic all teenage boys are going to grow up to be incels. This is what porn is, these days. And it's pointless blaming the parents for what is freely accessible on the Internet.
Cosily "Not my nigel"-ing doesn't help

IP address will defo not be flagged unless he's been watching something illegal like child porn or bestiality. Simulated rape fantasies etc aren't actually illegal (well, they weren't a few years ago when I worked for a digital forensics company).

This.

I find porn abhorrent, most of it is violent, misogynystic, teenage this teenage that, painal, forced, destroying etc.

If op’s son is a problem (and yeah, he kind of is) then is vast majority of men and many women too.

Porn hasn’t been a kind man making love to a willing woman of so kindly in decades.

You can choose to stay ignorant, but that is also part of the problem,

Thing is, rough sex is pretty popular with both sexes nowadays (more than half of the women surveyed in many studies, although it's mostly young women that are surveyed tbf).

So it's possible that it's just reflecting what people want to see. It's not my cup of tea but you can't really tell consenting adults what to do.

Or they think that’s what they have to claim to be into.
There’s social credit to claim to be ’kinky’.
Also, a lot of men pretending to be women online.
So no one calls them prude,frigid,religious,vanilla,conservetive….etc.