DS 14 and violent porn

[Hairsterical]

Real or set up kidnaps of teen girls getting gang raped, "slave" auctions, close ups of butthole plugs in use - these are among the images my young teen accessed recently, now unfortunately burned into both of our brains.

I believe he only recently started to be interested in sex/masturbating, and I was not surprised when I saw some very slightly racy content a few weeks earlier in his YouTube history. Now, still at the start of his whole sexual journey, he is being stimulated by harmful images that could set his baseline.

DS has been under the spell of influencers and appears to have developed a misogynistic view of the world that involves women rightfully belonging to men and violence against women being normal and correct. Through YouTube videos, Twitter memes and the like, he seems to have followed this thinking straight down the path to violent porn.

We are on a course of action to counter these views and frankly step the f up on our parenting, which was a bit lackadaisical on this and some other areas, primarily making sure our family values are instilled into him - such as treating each and every human being on this earth with respect. I think we assumed DS shared our values but of course teens are testing boundaries and looking for their own identities, and I think DS is currently attracted to extreme views.

I'm looking for thoughts and advice on how to deal with this. Every podcast or report on this topic seems to find that a vast amount of porn is violent --- so why on earth is this normalised and seemingly accepted - boys will be boys.

DS's school supposedly has been tackling these very issues around influencers and misogyny and consent. Yet my impression is that some boys are just learning not to express their real opinions because they know what they are "supposed" to think. Should I notify the school of my concerns and my son's recent behaviour perhaps?

We had some controls on one of his devices but another was free and clear to bring anything into our home. We have clamped down on that, but before this DS claimed to be the only one of his friends with any time limits or controls. When I looked on threads here, it seemed indeed many parents had zero controls on their 14 and 15 year olds. So do you know what your teen is looking at?

IMO interest in sex and images is 100% normal but society seems to be moving toward sex and violence toward women being part and parcel. I despair.

https://www.childrenscommissioner.gov.uk/resource/pornography-and-harmful-sexual-behaviour/

The children’s commissioner has just released their 2nd report on the impact of pornography on children.

The testimonies on Everyone’s Invited website https://www.everyonesinvited.uk/ are truly heartbreaking. You will see from the long list of named schools and colleges that this is going on all over the country.

We desperately need more regulation on social media providers to protect all our children.

To the OP - you’re not alone. You are trying to address what’s going on with your son and I sincerely hope you get the help he needs.

This.

Do all the mums who are spouting on about 'not my boy, my boy is very respectful' blah blah

Enough of your sons and husbands are watching violent / incest porn because now it's very normal and on the front pages of the likes of pornhub. It's supply and demand.

OP, you mentioned the words 'gang rape' in the search bar. A search bar will show thinks if he's clicked on them by mistake or not. If there are individual words in there like 'gang rape' etc. he has typed them.

I'd be informing the local police force and agree with PP about saying your IP address has been flagged. You cannot go about this the light way. Talking to him about consent etc will go in one ear and out the other if he's already watching this. If he's tech savvy he will find a way to watch without you knowing and probably be turned on, by the fact that he 'shouldn't' be watching it.

It's disgusting and I would be absolutely fucking disgusted if I found out my son was watching and actively searching real gang rape. Not all the time, but unfortunately a lot of the time it will be ingrained in him now he's had a taste of what that feels like to watch, and if he gets pleasure out of watching it, he can quickly be desensitised to what normal sex is.

I hope and pray to god he doesn't act like this to anyone future partners he may have. Can any of you with daughters imagine them coming home at 16 saying 'my boyfriend watched / watches porn videos of real and fake gang rapes? You'd tell them to call the police and run for the hills.

It's vile. As PP said, we don't need this belittled because their 'darling respectful boys' aren't watching it.

Do you know what, reading pp has made me think I'd actually embarass him into submission.
"I see you searched gang rape, what did you like about gang rape? Do you like seeing women being brutalised?" Make him squirm a bit.

@IsThereAnEchoInHere what planet are you on. NO most men do not watch rape of teenage girls and gang auctions

He’ll only squirm because the answer is ‘Yes I do’.

If he is watching this he has already been programmed by porn to be aroused by women being brutalized.

He needs to be helped to reprogramme himself, basically.

I understand how tempting the shaming approach is, but all it will do is shut down any hope of discussion and dialogue. And that leaves him with just Pornhub to turn to.

🙄

Porn. Most of them are at it, men admit it themselves.
Titles don’t really matter. It’s all same garbage.
Do you think there is ’good’ porn and ’bad’ porn? Don’t be silly.

Ps. Teenage is pretty much the most searched and watched category.
That’s what the men in your life are watching.

Shaming someone doesn't work. Porn is not only being consumed by men and boys, women and girls are also being exposed to this.
A teen girl watching this and thinking that this is what is expected of her is almost worse because this is what she is being conditioned to accept.

IsThereAnEchoInHere, I'm sorry you have that view of half the human race. I know my sample of one doesn't.

Report it to the Police?

So many women are still in denial over this, it's shocking. Yes our partner and father or whomever may not, but almost all men are watching internet porn. Teen IS the most searched category.

OTT slave auction fantasy sets up and the like are not standard, but gang-bangs and coercive set-ups are not niche, they're front page stuff and most men and boys have watched a few. They're openly played on Reddit and other social media sites FFS. It's not some dark corner of the web.

Have you ever seen Asian porn? Pseudo-rape is standard and AP is very popular in the West. Average Western porn is grim enough, tends to have some roughness and misogyny, but AP is on another level of brutality and so mainstream among men its a running joke/meme. Joking about how they hope the wife never discovers their real internet history/preference for AP or she'll divorce him. They acknowledge how sick it is.

And so-called MILFs are just early 20s- early 30s women who are a little heavier set or have huge boobs, they're not actually middle-aged women. I get the impression many women on MN think they're older, avg women and ofc THAT is what DH is whacking off to bcos 'he told me so!!' lol

My stepmother removed all devices from my brother age 13 for something equally dangerous. He didn't get a phone again until he was 16. It worked.

I despair for teen girls when choking and slapping and other extreme acts are to be expected because of violent porn viewed by young males. I don't understand it. It never entered my head to hurt or humiliate a Gf whilst growing up, different times thank god. Internet has a lot to answer for.

I need to catch up on the replies today but for the record the words gang rape did not appear anywhere, that was only my description because I don't see any other way to regard kidnap involving sex, and on the kidnap link I clicked there were two men and a "teen." I call a girl being kidnapped and assaulted by multiple men gang rape. My own foray onto pornhub yesterday now makes me think he was in fact accessing so called mainstream porn and it makes me sicker than ever. Basically nothing there looks "normal."

you keep brushing this off and finding ways to dilute how bad this is. your son is watching violent rape online and getting off by it. it is boys like him that grow up to be incels who end up abusing, and sometimes murdering, women.

she seems a very sensible women. its refreshing to hear a situation that was actually handled

Love that for you.
You must live in a very magical place far, far away from here😊

How’s the weather over there, you got good connection, that’s for sure.

Your son is going to end up being a sex offender if you are not careful, the fact he's watching that at 14 is NOT normal and NO other teenage boys don't just watch stuff like that. Why do you not have blocks on your internet? Why do you not have software on your kids devices that block certain websites and limit their usage? Take everything he has away from him, PS5, Xbox the lot.

He sounds like he's turning into a sociopath.

You also sound like you are one of those ultra woke feminists that hates men. Are you sure you arn't being a misandrist towards your son? Do you belittle him and make him feel alienated for being male? Why the HELL would you even consider speaking to the school about this? Do you want him to detest you forever? Do you want him to be bullied and be even more introverted and "extreme". This is private family matter.

The way you describe this issue and how you think that he's simply hiding how he truly thinks as he knows it will get him into trouble is disturbing in itself. What a perfect way to gaslight your son. Your husband needs to be talking to him, not you. Your husband needs to teach your son how to be a decent, kind, normal man. He doesn't need you making him feel like a pervert/freak. Also, have you even asked him why he's looked at this stuff, it could literally be morbid curiosity ffs.

You all need therapy, Jesus.

All they need to do is download a vpn. They all have them on their phones.

God forbid your son is attracted to masculinity, seeing as he's a boy! Maybe get your Husband or another male in your family to be an active role model. Young men are attracted to strong male archetypes.

It's good thank you have put down some ground rules, but you are seriously misled and you are going about this the wrong way. There are plenty of male influencers who are positive role models and teach young men to respect themselves and care for themselves in a misandrist society that labels them as scum for no reason other than they are men.

He is interested in religion which means he is trying to find his path in life, it's astonishing that you are concerned about this! Let him find God is he wishes and this is coming from someone who considers themselves a Pagan. It's a good thing that young people want to find religion, it helps with guilt and complex emotions and feeling really involved in something.

Have you thought about asking him if he would like to go to a summer camp? Learn some skills? Get out of the house?

But of course, continue to put him under a microscope, like he's some form of specimen.

absolutely couldn't have put it better myself finally someones come to this thread and said the cold hard facts

So many women do not have a clue what "normal" porn is anymore. As previously mentioned the majority of videos on bog standard websites all involve degradation of women.

I am so angry that we have to put up with this. If this violence was being committed to any other group of people there would be uproar but women are fair game because God forbid we limit what men can watch to get off too.

I dread to think what my daughter will experience in her teens.

He's from Sarf Lun'non, I'm in Kent, I own the tech. When I mentioned this thread he said he imagines stuff. I have not pursued it, but there's nothing in his behaviour, over 40 years to raise questions.
I saw someone had accused the OP of misandry. Anyone who reads the stuff that is being put out and does not feel misandry is lacking in humanity, as are the perpetrators. It's what misandry is for.

Oh, and my Dad taught me something he learned in unarmed combat in the army which might help to teach teenage girls. Start with the obvious kneeing in the groin, hard, then scrape that foot down the shin and stamp on their instep. As they bend over, join your hands together and punch their back. Then run like hell. Works better with army boots, of course, and a single attacker.

Do you have any family friends who is a police officer? They might be willing to sit with you when you talk to him and explain from a legal point of view the depth of trouble he could get into if he wanders into anything illegal, which can be often where this goes.

Agreed with other PP, a talk about shared family values is probably not going to cut it. It needs a really tough 'do you have any idea how bad this could get?' conversation.

If you think his views on women have been impacted, you could also explore follow-up counselling for him. The incel movement is basically a cult and if it has shaped his thinking then he needs to have a 'reset'.