AIBU to not invite future SIL's boyfriend to wedding?

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We're having a small wedding of 30 people (including us, B&G). Short ceremony going straight into a reception lunch. No evening do.
Future SIL is threatening to not turn up unless her boyfriend is invited too. Are we being U to say no anyway. If she doesn't turn up so be it.

Because of the size nobody's getting plus ones - the partners/spouses being invited are all people we know personally. Apart from our parents and one set of grandparents/aunts/uncles each no other spouses anyway.

Her reasoning is that she doesn't want to travel and stay in a room 'without her boyfriend' but she's not going to be alone - she'll be with her parents! They don't need to stay over anyway as their family home is less than an hour's drive from the venue but if they do sleeping in a single room next to her parents/sharing an AirBnb is hardly the challenge of the century.

Also... we've never met the boyfriend. They got together recently, live together (same room in a student house share). He'll be the only guest that we don't know - would be pretty boring for him as well!

Thoughts?

Unless you are getting married this weekend there is time to still meet him and then make a decision.

@ThatFraggle wow!

As it's a small wedding and you have no idea whether their relationship will last, I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. If she only lives an hour away and there's no evening do, why can't she just go home afterwards? It's emotional blackmail too, which I wouldn't want to give in to.

Tell your future MIL to choose which one of her family she'd like to uninvite to accommodate her daughters boyfriend.

@Pseudonamed My fiancé doesn't 'hate' his sister. He think she's the Golden Child and a bit of a brat. But he would not hesitate to help her if she needed it, he has gotten her out of quite a bit of trouble etc before.

They're just very different people. They have nothing in common, not only their personalities are polar opposites there's a big age gap.

You're clearly projecting from your own experience though - can't comment there but I will say that it's your duty to introduce your partner. Not the other way around.

Emotional blackmail! Exactly.
That's what's pissed my DP off quite a bit as well. She's quite used to doing it to get her own way.

Anyway, I think this thread has been clear. He won't be invited. Now we just have to work out how to say it :)

Stand firm. We got foisted with different random women, now ex GF of BIL in the photos of him meeting our children for the first time as babies. It will be impossible to keep him out of the photos so you will forever have him in your big day photos.

I tried they chose not to meet him so they would not have to invite him. They are petty people though and did it on purpose. Yes I possibly am projecting in fairness as we are all still very hurt over it as we are a small enough family without this having broken us apart.

Have a lovely day :)

Just say you’ve already reached your 30 person guest limit! They can’t argue with that. Hopefully.

I'd send the message @ThatFraggle suggested but also send it to MIL, I don't know how anyone could argue with that.
Enjoy your day 😊

Nope. I wouldn’t. I’ve just been to a friends wedding. My dh of 10 years wasn’t invited. Why? Because he’s never met the bride or groom. Being part of a couple doesn’t automate an invite and I didn’t get upset because he wasn’t invited. I went and had a great time with my friends while he looked after the kids. Win win!

Very nicely written, @ThatFraggle, diplomatic and with good will toward the sister.

@Pseudonamed, good for you standing up for yourself, you were treated horribly, and I agree with you.

Op, I am glad you’re not my sil. You sound like you despise her. You have ill will toward her. You haven’t given us even one offense she’s committed against you. This invitation thing is not really about the plus one, it’s about your attitude. Do you really think she and the rest of your fiancé’s family doesn’t know how you feel? It’s your hostility that makes this an issue, not the plus one.

@ThatFraggle @MysteryBelle That's right, blame the woman as usual. Such blatant misogyny for a site named 'Mumsnet'.
It's my account, so I'm posting, and using 'we' but it's her brother who would have to kick out one of 'his' guests (in the broadest sense of the word. as most of our friends are mutual anyway) to accommodate the boyfriend.

He cares about his mates. He wants them there. He doesn't care about the boyfriend.

Not sure why I'm being called the bridezilla? As his future wife of course I can influence him and had the majority said IABU I would have tried to talk him into it. But the majority agree, so as it stands he's not being invited.

And it's the other - I'm glad that you are not my family! :) Or maybe, you are all very rich, and think poor people shouldn't have weddings if they can't invite everyone that should be invited, eh?

A “grown ass” woman should be too grown up to be throwing a strop about things like this.

I'm not saying you're a bridezilla. I'm saying that the person who is the blood relation deals with their own family. This is an established precedent in successful in-law-wrangling, particularly where weddings are concerned, partly so that it can't be twisted as an 'unreasonable bridezilla', which was why 'bridezilla' was in speech marks.

I took a long time to help you, a stranger, and you just looked to take offence.

Also, did you actually read what I wrote?

I think the thing is as well though that she shouldn't be pressured into coming. I don't think you have to invite anyone you don't want to and clearly can't afford to. But equally, if she says she isn't coming then that's that. Or it's up to her dbro to speak to her. I would definitely stay out of it.

Fwiw, I'd turn down invitations from friends which didn't include my DH, but then we are married and can't imagine anyone close to me never having met him.

It's a bit strange she's this codependent on him after just a few months though. All quite strange

Why would she invite him when others do not have plus 1s?

For a small wedding of 30 I don’t see how future SIL’s bf will be priority o we other people closer to and more important to the bride.

Fair enough.

Just realised that I missed the long message - sorry. Thank you for writing it, the sentiment is nice. But ... it is not something my fiancé would write, it would have the very opposite effect to what you intended.

He'll just have to get the message in whatever way he thinks best.... as long as it doesn't realise in a fist fight I'll be happy. His mother once got pissed off when we were all on holiday and gave him a tight slap across the face, in front of me.

*get the message across
*result in a fist fight

Invite the sister's boyfriend, uninvite MIL

In my parents wedding photos one people there was murdered by her husband ! Also in the wedding photos . So be careful you never can tell what’s to come !!!

Invite him.
Once upon a time, you and your future husband were girlfriend and boyfriend.

I don't think YABU at all. She isn't going to be alone. You haven't met him. It's a very small wedding. But, I think for a quiet life, I'd just invite him. She's a close relative, she's presumably quite young and maybe fails to understand the nuance in the guest list. Unless you think your PiL could have a word and explain it, AND for her to understand, accept and embrace your decision, it might just be easier to invite him...

I would rise above the drama and invite him for the sake of family harmony