To refuse to cover when my ex's partner gives birth?

[dadworld345]

My ex and his girlfriend have both been abusive to me. I left my ex due to his abuse. We have a 5 year old son together.

His girlfriend will have a baby soon. The ex constantly badgers me about the baby and how I should be grateful that he is giving our son a sibling. I try to ignore it.

I am my son's primary carer and I schedule important things and social events when my son is scheduled to be with his dad.

My ex and his girlfriend both have family in the area.

Ex demanded that I be on call to go pick up my son, including turning my phone on at night, if the girlfriend goes into labour. I told him he needs to sort himself out, though I did agree to cover some of the times when I am not working or sleeping.

He is now rumourmongering about me at school.

AIBU to tell him that he needs to find childcare if his gf goes into labour during one of the (infrequent) times he is responsible for our son?

I get you have issues with your ex but tbh I would agree for the sake of my child.
This is going to potentially effect him massively and I wouldn't want my child to suffer because my ex is an arse.

YABU, they are not “steamrolling” you, they are having a baby. It is not unreasonable for them to ask you to look after your own son given an emergency situation where gf goes into labour before c section. It’s not about helping them out either, it’s about doing what’s best for your son. How do you think he would feel stranded with a friend , while his dads off to the birth of his half sibling and his mums at a party ?!
soubds like you are weaponising your son to punish your ex..

YABU .

YABU, sorry.

He's sound the sort of person who expects you to move mountains to accommodate him and will use every manipulation tactic in the book to ensure you do, but never ever reciprocate.

As your ds doesn't like going to his Dads anyway, why not tell him that you'll keep ds for the few weeks on the run up to the due date and until after the baby is born.

Fek me so given all this you're happy to have your son dumped with just anyone they can in an emergency - go you!

Me neither...I always leave my phone on. I always think that if someone is going to call in the middle of the night, they'd only do it if its important and I don't want to miss an important call! Especially in this situation, where OPs child is not staying at home, I'd definitely leave it on incase someone needed to contact me about them!

Why can’t he drop your child off with you on the way to the hospital?

Depends how bothered you are by other people looking after your son, but personally I would rather be looking after him if I could rather than expecting someone else to, just to make a point or make like difficult for your ex. He's your son after all.

Go and pick up your child. I fail to see how the theatre or a boozy party is more important. He also cannot actually be abusive because otherwise why would you be happy for him to have your son?

I am not seeing the issue here. Surely when she goes into labour you would want to be there for your son to offer his reassurance etc.

This isn't about them. It's what's best for your child.

That seems a tad extreme. Do you not trust your partner?

I was in hospital ill in October, my husband and son were not in with me, he.can take his son in with him at visiting times

And it is very normal for dc to go to grandparents, aunt or uncle or family friends during birth of a sibling, there are 3 or 4 dates where he will have to use a family member rather than the op, don't see the issue.

OP I get that you cannot stand your ex and his gf, but you need to put your son first. Putting your phone on silent when he is away is weird, as is saying that being 'on call' for your son would 'ruin your life'. This is really strange, you seem to be letting your feelings around your ex and his new partner influence your decision making here.

I honestly don't know anyone who would keep their phone on silent when away from their DC, just in case there is an emergency. Especially when you say yourself he much prefers being with you. If he took very ill, he would want you there.

Do you honestly think your son would be happy to be woken in the night and dropped off at family of this gf? Is that what you would want???

I get that you don't want to let them dictate your life, but you would be doing this for your son, not for your ex.

If the op says that he is abusive, then he IS abusive. That does not mean he is abusive towards the DC. This scenario is very common and the abusive-ex sadly does still get court mandated access. Not OPs fault at all.

This.

He sounds like a plonker but surely its better for your son to be collected by you. Its not like she has a baby all the time its a one off.