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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate people using the word 'myself' instead of just 'me'?

227 replies

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 11/05/2023 11:52

There's just no need. It should be 'my friend and I'...shouldn't it? Not 'myself and my friend.'

First world 🌎 problems, I know. 😂

OP posts:
CoalTit · 11/05/2023 14:21

As a TESOL teacher, wouldn't you explain it in terms of subject pronouns (I, we, you, s/he, they) versus object pronouns (me, you, us, her/him, them)?

Eg:
John and I (subjects) gave Rory (indirect object) a present (direct object).
We (subject pronoun) gave him (indirect object pronoun) a present.

Rory (subject) gave John and me (indirect obects) a puppy (direct object).
He (subject pronoun) gave us (indirect object pronoun) a puppy (direct object).

We (subject pronoun) hate puppies (direct object) so we (subject pronoun) sold it (direct object pronoun)

SpeckledlyHen · 11/05/2023 14:24

Lemonclub88 · 11/05/2023 14:04

I had a line manager who replaced every usage of you, me and I for myself or yourself. I received an email saying,

"I myself asked youself to complete xxx. Yourself did not let myself know when you had completed it. It is important that you check in with myself..." bla bla.

She also had a filing cabinet with a little sticker on it saying 'filling'.
I took great delight in letting her know what a knob she was when I left.
My grammar isn't the best, but come on ffs. It isn't that hard.

I just don't think I could work for someone like that.. My old director couldn't string a sentence together. I used to cringe listening to him "I faught we was going to fink about what we was doing, myself and John agree".. This was (with many others) one of the reasons I left.

I sat on a call with him and clients, all C-Suite execs and he spoke like that. Rambled on and on and no one was any the wiser of what he said at the end of the call.

adriftabroad · 11/05/2023 14:25

"Please do not hesitate to contact" is all sorts of wrong.

"Please contact"

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 11/05/2023 14:26

adriftabroad · 11/05/2023 14:25

"Please do not hesitate to contact" is all sorts of wrong.

"Please contact"

It isn't wrong.
It's a standard phrase taught in academic correspondence.

adriftabroad · 11/05/2023 14:26

It is awful. It is a double negative.

Coffeetree · 11/05/2023 14:26

My theory around the second-person reflexive is that it's related to the archaic formal use of the third person to show deference. (Eg., "Would madam like a pear?") Trying to avoid saying "you".

The misuse of reflexive happens when someone is not that confident in writing but is trying to sound formal or fancy.

I had a horrible boss who would only use "myself' or "yourself" if she was telling someone off. Trying to sound intimidating with the long fancy words!

amluuui · 11/05/2023 14:30

Ahh, every estate agent and recruiter's favourite phrase.

(Apologies to all the estate agents and recruiters who don't pompously refer to 'myself', but come on, you have to admit that many of your colleagues do...)

EdgeOfACoin · 11/05/2023 14:30

adriftabroad · 11/05/2023 14:26

It is awful. It is a double negative.

I don't understand how 'please do not hesitate to contact me' is a double negative.

I thought it was grammatically correct - is it not?

PedantScorner · 11/05/2023 14:31

@adriftabroad , it's not a double negative.

Coffeetree · 11/05/2023 14:34

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 11/05/2023 14:26

It isn't wrong.
It's a standard phrase taught in academic correspondence.

Show quote history

Practically speaking I avoid the phrase, just because the "don't" can throw people off. I once had a non-native speaker believe I was telling him not to contact me!

electricmoccasins · 11/05/2023 14:37

CharlottenBerg · 11/05/2023 14:21

I once read a very funny court report, in the 1980s. A woman had sued someone for slander who had spread it around that she was promiscuous. In court her lawyer said that the other person had said at different times, to different people, that she had multiple affairs, and the alleged effect on her reputation was a cumulative one, even though each event by itself might be considered trivial. The judge, wishing to be helpful, said 'You mean a death by a thousand pricks?', then realised what he had said. The whole court erupted in laughter, including both the plaintiff and the alleged slanderer. A fifteen-minute adjournment was called to allow everyone to 'compose themselves'.

Show quote history

🤣

justheretoread111 · 11/05/2023 14:38

MitchellMummy · 11/05/2023 13:46

I find it common amongst fellow Scots. Doesn't grate when said with a Scottish accent!

It definitely does grate when said with a Scottish accent!

adriftabroad · 11/05/2023 14:44

PedantScorner · 11/05/2023 14:31

@adriftabroad , it's not a double negative.

To me, it is.
Either way, a horrible and clumsy expression.

"Please contact" me will do. Why say "do not hesitate.." stupid.

I hate "kid" too, referring to a child (not a baby goat).
Sue me.

JudgeJ · 11/05/2023 14:44

Movinghousehelp · 11/05/2023 12:05

It bothers me too but not as much as using “John and I” incorrectly - sometimes “me and John” is right!

An example I see often on emails: “if you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact John and I”. No. If there was no John involved you’d have said “if you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact me” not “contact I”, so you should say “me and John”. People are adamant “me and John” is always incorrect but sometimes it’s right.

I will always remember an interview with the then head of Ofsted on Radio 4 as I was driving into work in which he was discussing standards in English, he actually said Me and John were told........ !

amusedbush · 11/05/2023 14:44

Malbecmoron · 11/05/2023 13:30

It's normal to use 'myself' in Scottish English, so just a regional variation-there are many!

I'm Scottish and it annoys me.

I shared an office with a guy who would say things like "you can direct any emails to myself" in a hammed-up West End Wendy accent. He also ate crisps loudly and held his cafetiere so high above his mug that every time he poured a coffee, it sounded like a horse peeing, but "myself" tipped me over the edge Grin

Hydrangeatea · 11/05/2023 14:47

PedantScorner · 11/05/2023 13:40

YABU. Yourself could of posted this in Pedants' Corner instead of AIBU?.
Me and others find it annoying.
Anyways, should yourself wish to find pendants and I, were their in Pedant's Corner

😂

Good one....

stayathomer · 11/05/2023 14:47

I’d say it’s to cover themselves grammatically in case they go wrong with me or I?

Camillasfagwrinkles · 11/05/2023 14:49

It's not as bad as mixing up 'imply'and 'infer'. I've read a few examples of this on MN recently and it's painful.

Coffeetree · 11/05/2023 14:50

stayathomer · 11/05/2023 14:47

I’d say it’s to cover themselves grammatically in case they go wrong with me or I?

Interesting theory, but I don't think so. The same people using "myself" will also say things like "Please give the reports to Bob and I" with their whole chest. To be formal and fancy.

Cosyblankets · 11/05/2023 14:52

PedantScorner · 11/05/2023 14:31

@adriftabroad , it's not a double negative.

I just had to scroll back to see what was a double negative and I couldn't find one.

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 11/05/2023 14:54

adriftabroad · 11/05/2023 14:44

To me, it is.
Either way, a horrible and clumsy expression.

"Please contact" me will do. Why say "do not hesitate.." stupid.

I hate "kid" too, referring to a child (not a baby goat).
Sue me.

Show quote history

Please do not hesitate ..is formal register.

You might not like it on a personal level, but it's neither wrong, nor a double negative.

I have to set formal writing tasks, and someone NOT using the appropriate level of formality would be marked down.

Likewise, "kid" is informal. So inappropriate in some contexts. (I gave back some academic writing this morning where I'd changed "kid" because it's not an appropriate term for the piece of writing being done.)

Annonnimouse · 11/05/2023 14:56

It doesn’t bother myself

TheKeatingFive · 11/05/2023 14:58

I'm Irish. It's very common to use it here and it doesn't annoy me at all. 🤷‍♀️

ShivWambsgans · 11/05/2023 15:00

I hate it so much OP!!

adriftabroad · 11/05/2023 15:04

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 11/05/2023 14:54

Please do not hesitate ..is formal register.

You might not like it on a personal level, but it's neither wrong, nor a double negative.

I have to set formal writing tasks, and someone NOT using the appropriate level of formality would be marked down.

Likewise, "kid" is informal. So inappropriate in some contexts. (I gave back some academic writing this morning where I'd changed "kid" because it's not an appropriate term for the piece of writing being done.)

Show quote history

I appreciate that information.
Thank you (Genuinely)

I still hate it!

Could I ask you about thank-you, thankyou and thank you?