Absolute stupid question about asexuality and sexuality.

[AceNotInSpace]

Hi, I totally understand that this isin’t exactly the place to come and talk about asexuality, but I swear every single online space I have found and been part of, have kind of gone crazy.

Things seem to have gone strange in the past couple of years where a lot of people are now using the label asexuality.
I’m in online places to find people like me and talk about obstacles in our lives, but these days
they are pretty much filled with people who do have sex (mostly seem to be young girls/women having sex with boys/men) who say that they are ”aesthetically and emotionally attracted to” their partner / people and like the physical feeling of sex.
Isin’t this just the very average, very basic, very ’normal’ sexuality?
They want and have sex, they have libidos and they put them to use.

What makes this asexuality / part of asexual spectrum?

And now they are in asexual spaces telling pwoplw who are actually asexual, that they belong there, and if you question them, you are aphobic and excluding people.
In our own space.

What is this? Do they not realize they’re taking place from people who it actually belongs to?

Again, I can’t talk about this in these communities, because I get an angry mob after me, so I brought my beef here, I’m sorry 😅!

How is it any different for gay or lesbian people? Why do they need to be part of a community to validate their experiences, just live your life. Maaaaaybe because feeling so separate from the rest of society in a heteronormative culture can be isolating and confusing when you don’t fit the norm. I don’t understand why it bothers you so much, ace people don’t affect your life at all

Your desperation to equate an asexual person's difficulties navigating life with the experience of LGB people is embarrassing.

"I don’t understand why it bothers you so much, ace people don’t affect your life at all" I have at least one family member and a close friend who fit loosely the description of asexual or ace that has been set out here. So I know perfectly well what you are talking about. And both would be horrified at being shoved under the TQ+ umbrella to make up the numbers.

I’m not saying they are equal at all. But the fact you are denying my lived experience is also embarrassing. Other groups of people have issues, are you so lacking in empathy that you can’t see how being ace might have had a negative impact on my life? Again I don’t understand what you are trying to achieve here. You don’t want to validate my experiences, fine. You are a stranger on the Internet and I don’t need it. I just don’t see what your end goal here is

My "end goal" is to wake you up to being played and manipulated by the TQ+ crew

And both would be horrified at being shoved under the TQ+ umbrella to make up the numbers.

Yet that's what you are doing to them. You're the one making them part of something they have nothing to do with. People have to want to be part of a community to be part of it. It's an individual's choice.
You don't get to decide that all asexual people are supporting the eradication of women just because some want to be part of a community where trans people are welcome. A community that a lot of trans people aren't a part of either btw.

Most people really are just living their lives not involved in anything.

I promise you I’m not. I’ve never attended pride, I don’t own any flags. I don’t discuss asexuality outside of the occasional online debate. No one has influenced me or manipulated me. I found a label that helped to understand myself and that’s it. I don’t even care if it isn’t part of the alphabet communities. Though I think it does fit there. Either way my life wouldn’t change

The "we just want to live our lives" doesn't really work if you want badges, special days, flags and "a TQ + community" that harms women with Maoist nonsense

Please stop using your anti trans rhetoric to attack ace people. I don’t want a badge or a special day, I don’t care about any of that. Others may well do. I just wanted to know I was normal and I am.

Being asexual is a completely normal (if you want that word) way to be. Perfectly reasonable and I love at least two people in my life who probably meet that description.
But you need to divorce yourself from the TQ+ crew

I think this thread is proving why asexual spaces are needed online…

I don’t have to do anything, especially when I don’t engage with any communities anyway. I’m happy for my little letter to exist among the rest, makes no difference to me

You're either trolling or stupid. Who is this "you" you are talking about? That poster has said repeatedly she isn't part of any crew or community.

If you put yourself in the alphabet crew you will be dismissed as part of that narcissistic misogynistic nonsense that will go out of fashion eventually. But not before it has caused a lot of harm to LGB rights and women's rights.
You want to be taken seriously? Keep away from the Maoists.

"I’m happy for my little letter to exist among the rest, makes no difference to me" if you are then I won't take you seriously.

Stupid it is.

I don’t think you understand how little impact I have to rearrange the alphabet. You aren’t talking to the chair of the ace community (there isn’t one as far as I know). I dont decide whether the letter appears there or not. I don’t care either way, and I reject your framing of it. Don’t take me seriously, I don’t care

Asexual is as valid as straight, gay and bi. How can it not be!
Opposite sex attracted- straight
Same sex attracted - gay
Both - bi
None - asexual

I don't understand why that is difficult for anyone to comprehend.

As for being part of the alphabet community? You are tarring everyone with the same brush as a very vocal minority.

I know three trans men, including my own partner who would hate to be associated with any of it, they don't have flags or banners or attend pride or marches. They grow their beard, use the men's toilets and desperately try to fly under the radar.

I imagine most people, regardless of sexuality are appalled by the minority of trans activists that try to erode women, just because they are loud and vocal doesn't mean they speak for everyone.

I’m sorry your tread got derailed.

in answer to your point, I can completely understand what you are talking about. If you experience asexuality one way and then you come across people who claim that same label but have had a completely different experience, one that even seems contrary to what you experience then it is a bit jarring.

I have long since just decided that I cannot be a gatekeeper for what is considered ace. It’s a wide spectrum and I only fit into one part of it. I think there is space for all who seek it and no matter what you will be able to find people who align with your own realities of what being ace means to you and your life

Good points, well made! Agree heartily

Like others I'm baffled by the nastiness towards asexuals on here. Looking at some of these posts, it's totally obvious why asexual people might want a space to chat with other asexual people without being shouted at for having the temerity to mention what they are and how that affects their lives.

It's also infuriating to hear that these online spaces have been taken overy by enthusiastic shaggers. What a shame! And very reminiscent of lesbian spaces being invaded by (a minority of) transwomen.

Women speak up about the damage this nonsense does. So do people who are LG and B. Where are the trans voices speaking up about this. And why are people so keen to snuggle into the little corrosive alphabet rather than separate themselves from it?

I'm not "against asexual people " ffs. More victim creating hyperbole.
I'm against people being played for fools. I'm against intelligent people still sucking up to it despite being shown the reality of their good intentions.

I think what the OP is saying ( complaining) about is the pretenders who are taking over a previously perfectly useful forum.
It is as though someone joins a crochet forum, and starts banging on about how they don’t like crochet, they prefer knitting, they are not interested in double fans and think therefore that other members should stop and pay attention to their dropped purl stitch tactic. But they are, in their own estimation ,major crochet participants and very good at crochet , better than all you lot with your eighteen hooks and your crochet patterns ….and don’t you dare say I am not really a crochet aficionado or I’ll scream and bang the table and try to get you shut down for prejudice.

Its not about sex,( or what other people on this forum think about asexualité) it’s about respecting the original forum members and their right to discuss their feelings without being shouted down by a group of people who do not qualify for membership.

Hmm, not sure you are historically accurate there. The early history of the Church is littered with women who were tortured and executed for wishing to remain celibate , and refused to marry or have sex with men as was the expectation of their society. Many of them were probably raped, certainly they were sent to brothels, exposed in the market place etc, although it was always claimed by later hagiography that they were miraculously preserved from abuse, though not from subsequent martyrdom.

On a personal note, I think you may be conflating the desire to preserve a discussion space for the purpose it was originally set up , with claims of societal oppression.