Absolute stupid question about asexuality and sexuality.

[AceNotInSpace]

Hi, I totally understand that this isin’t exactly the place to come and talk about asexuality, but I swear every single online space I have found and been part of, have kind of gone crazy.

Things seem to have gone strange in the past couple of years where a lot of people are now using the label asexuality.
I’m in online places to find people like me and talk about obstacles in our lives, but these days
they are pretty much filled with people who do have sex (mostly seem to be young girls/women having sex with boys/men) who say that they are ”aesthetically and emotionally attracted to” their partner / people and like the physical feeling of sex.
Isin’t this just the very average, very basic, very ’normal’ sexuality?
They want and have sex, they have libidos and they put them to use.

What makes this asexuality / part of asexual spectrum?

And now they are in asexual spaces telling pwoplw who are actually asexual, that they belong there, and if you question them, you are aphobic and excluding people.
In our own space.

What is this? Do they not realize they’re taking place from people who it actually belongs to?

Again, I can’t talk about this in these communities, because I get an angry mob after me, so I brought my beef here, I’m sorry 😅!

If an asexual person wants to be in the alphabet "community" then call it out

Sorry, I support trans people, as do many people who also identify within the lgb parts of the alphabet. But I’m not willing to discuss that aspect further because it’s not related to whether asexuality is a sexuality (it is)

@AsexualNotNonsexual what I said earlier. People are just LGB or straight. The rest is personality and/or para Philip

Paraphilia

Exactly. But not according to @bellinisurge . They only believe in straight, gay and bi.

Ok I’m starting to think you must be trolling. Paraphilia is a sexual perversion that leads to feeling sexual attraction to non animate objects?

your viewpoint is narrow and shuts down the experiences of millions of people.

I am not straight, or gay or bi. I’m ace.

I'd say Asexuality is either a sexual orientation (one where you're not sexually attracted to anyone) or an absence of a sexual orientation (because you're not sexually attracted to anyone or don't have sexual needs).

Depends on how you see it.

Either way, it's not a "personality trait". It's not a choice. It's not something you can change.

I absolutely see your frustration, OP. It’s a bit All Lives Matter, isn’t it?

I feel similarly when I see various of my middle aged female friends who are happily married to men with 2.5 children suddenly have a mid-life crisis remembering the time they kissed a girl when they were 14 and announcing themselves as Queer, expecting to be welcomed with open arms by communities of people who have gone through life actually being gay and having same-sex relationships, with all the social penalties that has entailed.

I agree.

LGBStraightAce

There are seven paraphilias. At least one of these has centred themselves under the reformed LGBTQ and used it to try and erode true sexualities such as lesbianism.
Other paraphilias have grabbed onto the tailcoats of the plus and are using the erosion of boundaries to achieve their aims.
I wouldn't be sticking a label on myself even if I thought it was real as I wouldn't want people to think I'm a supporter of removing those boundaries.
And just for ease, society says homosexuality. Fine. Lesbianism. Fine. Bisexuality. Fine. Coerced sex. Sex with minors. Forcing way into single sex spaces and sports. 'rapier gender'. Not fine.

expecting to be welcomed with open arms by communities of people who have gone through life actually being gay and having same-sex relationships, with all the social penalties that has entailed.

I have gay friends who have experienced horrific prejudice and violent abuse. One was set on by 5 "queerbashers" and ended up in hospital for months with a fractured skull. I've friends who have lost jobs and housing because they were gay. Friends whose childhoods were destroyed by bullying for being gay. Friends who've been asked to leave restaurants and hotels for being gay. Friends shunned and spat at in the street during the AIDS crisis.

How does simply not wanting to have sex fit into that LGBT lived experience?

To quote the late great Magdalen Berns "I'd rather be rude than a fucking liar".

Dancing around people's personalities and "being kind" got us into this mess.

For clarity. People are straight, gay or bisexual. All of these are absolutely fine and, where under threat, should be protected. Within that. Some of those people like sex and intimacy and some don't. Which is also fine. But you are not part of a marginalised minority if you are the latter. You need better friends if people have been crappy to you about it.

That's rapist gender not rapier gender.
As coined by Nicola Sturgeon when trying to justify eroding women's spaces.

People are straight, gay or bisexual.

And where does someone who is not attracted to either the same or opposite sex fit into those categories?

That's a person who isn't attracted to other people. It's who they are. It doesn't need a flag and a special day

I completely agree it doesn’t need a flag or a special day - but it’s still someone who’s not LGB.

Asexual seems to cover it as a description, doesn’t it?

Let's say asexual is an orientation, I mean, I was taught it was how some lifeforms reproduce without gamates but whatever.
And in the olden days asexuals were simply no sex. Full stop. A very clear boundary.
The current LGBT community doesn't allow for boundaries. For example women can be men. Men can be lesbians. The whole point of the movement is to remove boundaries.
I find it odd people can wave their little asexual flag and be miffed that their identity has been coopted. That's the entire aim of the + people. Why do you think you would be allowed to put down clear boundaries when no one else can?
Baffling.

Whatever. If you need a badge or the affirmation of unconnected people to validate your existence then you need to work on your personal confidence

Some of you seem to think every person who is not straight is part of the "community". You know it's not an automatic thing, right? The second you realise you're gay, you don't suddenly receive a membership card and a schedule in the post. Most people are just out there, living their lives, having nothing to do with any movements or communities.

I’m utterly baffled by the sudden in flux of people attacking those who identify as ace. I don’t think anyone on here has tried to claim that we want special treatment or that we are horribly oppressed. WE DONT FIT INTO THE STRAIGHT/GAY/BI CATEGORIES. Thus we have our own. I don’t understand why that’s so hard to understand. The label is needed to help us understand ourselves. You don’t have to interact with ace people at all. You don’t have to rally for us. Leave us alone

Exactly!! I’m not part of a group that turns up to discuss on all the ways we aren’t sexually attracted to anyone. I don’t need to. I’m happy knowing the term exists and it helps explain my lived experience, nothing more

This.

This.