Absolute stupid question about asexuality and sexuality.

[AceNotInSpace]

Hi, I totally understand that this isin’t exactly the place to come and talk about asexuality, but I swear every single online space I have found and been part of, have kind of gone crazy.

Things seem to have gone strange in the past couple of years where a lot of people are now using the label asexuality.
I’m in online places to find people like me and talk about obstacles in our lives, but these days
they are pretty much filled with people who do have sex (mostly seem to be young girls/women having sex with boys/men) who say that they are ”aesthetically and emotionally attracted to” their partner / people and like the physical feeling of sex.
Isin’t this just the very average, very basic, very ’normal’ sexuality?
They want and have sex, they have libidos and they put them to use.

What makes this asexuality / part of asexual spectrum?

And now they are in asexual spaces telling pwoplw who are actually asexual, that they belong there, and if you question them, you are aphobic and excluding people.
In our own space.

What is this? Do they not realize they’re taking place from people who it actually belongs to?

Again, I can’t talk about this in these communities, because I get an angry mob after me, so I brought my beef here, I’m sorry 😅!

How often does it need to be said that asexuality isn't about whether you like/want to have sex or not? Asexual people can enjoy/want sex in the same way that heterosexual/gay or bi people can or cannot want and enjoy sex.

Sexuality is not libido.

When I read this it makes me glad to be of a generation that didn't look for labels and communities (except to advocate for rights of course). If you want to have a loving relationship, have one, if you want to have only 1 night stands, fine just be safe. If you don't want to date, don't. If you want to date but not be sexual, fine just be honest. I cant for the life of me understand why people have nothing better to be doing than analysing and talking about their sexual preferences and that of their friends and acquaintances. Do they seriously have that much free time???

Sorry OP don't mean to be rude, I can imagine your position is frustrating but why not ditch the online stuff, get out there, meet humans in the flesh and be upfront with any prospective partner about what you want out of life and just hope for the best.

When I read this it makes me glad to be of a generation that didn't look for labels and communities (except to advocate for rights of course).

What generation would that be> Considering I'. Generation X and almost 45 years old? Imagine wanting to talk to people who have similar life experiences and feelings as you do.

I cant for the life of me understand why people have nothing better to be doing than analysing and talking about their sexual preferences and that of their friends and acquaintances.

I'm going to take a wild guess that you're heterosexual.

"I'm going to take a wild guess that you're heterosexual."
Being asexual is nothing like being LGB. Not even a bit. Unless the person who is not much up for it is LGB. And then the challenges they face even today are to do with being LGB. See also T, Q and +. Unless you are LGB, you're just a straight person trying to cosplay oppression

Why is it that an asexual wants to date or have a partner if they don't want to have sex?

They have platonic friendships I assume?

"What generation would that be> Considering I'. Generation X and almost 45 years old? Imagine wanting to talk to people who have similar life experiences and feelings as you do."

What do you think we did the 80s. Ffs

I cant for the life of me understand why people have nothing better to be doing than analysing and talking about their sexual preferences and that of their friends and acquaintances.

I strongly agree with this and I’m a lesbian - is that ok?

Well words don’t have to mean what they mean anymore OP, that’s apparently being inclusive 🤷‍♀️

Completely agree.

slashlover with all due respect none of us know what anyone else's life experience is.

@slashlover , a person who is asexual is NOT oppressed. Whipping people who feel vulnerable into a frenzy of fear that the world is out to get them is cruel

But if someone came out as gay I doubt people would ask why they needed to know, say it wasn't real, and ask why they wanted to label themselves. They wouldn't make up what being gay meant then dismiss based on that incorrect meaning.

So I guess my friend's corrective rape was made up? I guess being told there MUST be something wrong with me is made up? That asexuality isn't real was made up? Being told that I was a safeguarding risk was made up?

LOL! Vulnerable? This is so much better apparently.

"I'm asexual"
"No you're not, that's not a real thing. You just don't want a shag and are actually heterosexual and cosplaying/want attention."

Because being gay is not the same as being asexual. They don't throw you off a building for being asexual. And never had that happened ever. However, gay men are thrown off the building in several countries for being gay.
It's shameful to appropriate actual prejudice

What are you talking about?! A gay man might want to talk about his partner in certain situations, might want to hold his partners hand in public etc, people would know, it’s not a matter of needing to know, they just would.

And as for this little beauty:
They wouldn't make up what being gay meant then dismiss based on that incorrect meaning.

Maybe you’ve missed it, but this is what’s happening to lesbians.

Fucking bastards will commit rape for all sorts of evil made up justifications for their criminality. That doesn't mean asexuality is an oppressed minority. I don't base my definitions on what psychopaths like rapists think and do

Exactly @Naunet

So your benchmark for oppression is death? You can't be a minority sexuality unless you've been murdered and opressed?

https://www.asexualityarchive.com/the-comment-section-nothing-bad-happens/

I agree OP.

Asexual is the opposite of being a sexual person. It's innate and not something you choose or suddenly become due to experience or trauma. It means you're incapable of feeling sexual feelings towards people whether you know them or not, and whether you choose to have sex or not.

An asexual person is like a sexual robot when it comes to libido or sex drive. They may go through the motions but sexual intercourse isn't pleasurable to them. They can and will live without it. They don't seek it out anymore than a lesbian seeks out sex with a man.

Everything else is inclusive bullcrap. If you're seeking sex, you're not asexual. If you're able to feel sexual feelings in your loins for someone, if you ever feel attracted to someone and that feeling translates to wanting to have sex with them, you're not asexual.

if yoi choose to have sex despite not being capable of this (perhaps you do so to make someone else happy), you're still asexual.

If you choose to not have sex, despite being capable of feeling this way, you're celibate or non-sexual or grey-sexual or whatever else.

Sounds like they think low sex drive means asexuality.

I'm sure many women often don't feel in the mood. But enjoy it when they have sex anyway. But that isn't asexuality it's having reactive desire.

What?! Stop worrying about it and get on with your life. Ffs.

I have a question I've always wanted to ask, OP.
If you've never enjoyed sex but have a libido in that you occasionally masturbate, is that asexual?

I'd imagine it would be similar to Mumsnet suddenly being flooded with men. So then you got the male perspective, male advice, male comments etc.

Rather than a generally homogenous female (or in OPs case asexual) space

An asexual person is like a sexual robot when it comes to libido or sex drive. They may go through the motions but sexual intercourse isn't pleasurable to them. They can and will live without it. They don't seek it out anymore than a lesbian seeks out sex with a man.

Some asexual people can and do enjoy the act of sex and get horny. Unless you think women are sexually attracted to their vibrators instead of just enjoying the sensations?