Sending 7 year old to boarding school

[Bringonsummer19]

So my daughter is currently away (8) on her first residential trip. She is away from Wednesday through to Friday. I already miss her so much and it got me thinking of my sister who is sending her 7 year old away to boarding school in September. Her husband is in the army so will subsidise the fees and it’s aimed at continuity of education. Nonetheless my sister does not work and therefore could settle with DS (albeit husband would have to commute to army base) and they couldn’t afford private school fees.

im i unreasonable to think that 7 is just too young to be away from home unless there is a really valid reason (eg husband posted to Iran)

will she be home at weekends ?
sounds awful
surely cannot be good for any relationship

I'm not talking about sexual abuse though?
I'm stating that if you genuinely believe you and your son have boarded from a young age and are both unaffected psychologically then you are statistical outliers. Although at 18 you've no way of knowing if it has had an impact on your child.

The evidence of how psychologically damaging boarding is from a young age is well documented and you don't need experience of having been a boarder to know that, although many on this thread are indeed talking from experience.

OP people in Mumsnet are always going to give extreme answers. The generation most people are referring to here that went to boarding school age 7 most likely did endure a harsh, non-loving atmosphere in which to grow up in. Boarding schools these days are starkly different (in a good way). Holistic care and a home from home approach is much more of a thing. Like a previous poster pointed out, people are more than happy to ship their babies off to nursery from 7:30 until 6:30, literally just having them at home to put to bed, yet the idea of boarding school at 7 to them is ‘will cause long term damage and psychological trauma’.

I worked in a and e close to a boarding school, the pupils were a regular occurrence in the department, lots of fractures due to rough play, self harming and mental health. I just remember thinking, if I have kids and I had money, there's no way they'd go to boarding school.

@LostRahRah

Nursery is a choice for most people because they wish to both keep careers, the net income is often low once fees are paid b(I'm not criticising just saying a small part time job you can do whilst baby sleeps can net the same money). For some jobs overnight childcare is essential, eg nurses, emergency workers etc.

This particular situation says the mum doesn't work but maybe she plans to? Some much judging when you know nothing of military life.

Eligibility is strict:

Regulations state that if your soldier wants to claim this allowance, your family must: remain living together. be likely to move in the next four years. agree that, having chosen a school, your child will stay there until the end of their education stage.

Most people saying it's evil etc have no experience of it

That’s an overarching statement. Sadly many people do have personal experience of it.

it can offer the most complete education

What a bizarre statement. Many children are fortunate to receive a wonderful education that doesn’t involve being separated from their families.

I wouldn’t dream of sending my 8 year old to boarding school. There is nothing stopping your SAHM sister creating a stable home for her son that doesn’t trail around after the DH.

Presumably this is because the army will pay for the posh school. Poor little boy.

I wouldn’t send my child to a boarding school at all, let alone at seven.

Boarding schools have changing a lot, my dp boarded a little later but was dorm captain at his prep school, the little ones wet the bed and got screamed at by staff so he changed their sheets, also tied their ties and show laces as they struggled, some were only 6 but had diplomat dads (it was expected mum went too then) his own dad boarded from 7, dp's children NEVER boarded!

I think it sucks to board your children but you simply don't know the full situation so unlike you I do not judge, and I do know the schools are far better now

The vast majority of military parents will be appalled at sending them away at 7 unless there was another reason.
The only one I knew that wasn't judged for sending at 8 was where the mother was unfortunately going blind. Otherwise in recent years I knew one child sent at 10 who was simply continuing as a border at the school where they had been a day pupil before the father was posted. Plus another 10yo who went at same time as older siblings to same school.

Increasingly these days people do what we do as its more stable... family lives one place, serving person commutes weekly. The Army even covers the commuting cost instead of school fees plus provides free accommodation on base. CEA is quite an unstable allowance really... we worked out we would possibly become illegible half way through GCSEs. There is very strict criteria for receiving it, its due to mobility not rank. It doesn't cover all the fees.

The problem is you'll never know if they'd have been happier at home, but the statistics are not in their favour

I'm always amazed at the boarding school hate on here. I went from age 8 and it was a fairly standard scenario as I lived somewhere very rural with long distances (not the UK). I'm not sure what else parents who run a farm 50 miles from the nearest town are meant to do?
Admittedly it was weekly boarding which does make a bit of a difference but it just felt normal, there wasn't any cruelty.

some people just don't love their children

I don’t think it’s that bizarre a statement, despite not being a pro-boarding school person. Boarding school’s whole purpose is to educate all the time. Teachers push for students to do their absolute best and offer lots of extracurricular activities that aren’t always available elsewhere. No school run time means extra learning time. Those who used to go to the school often get involved in job fairs or similar for sixth formers. Students can often do homework or prep in a quiet atmosphere with little disturbance. Many have charity connections where students can volunteer. Class sizes tend to be smaller and all activities are geared around learning - even if learning through play. You get far more support on subject choice and getting into your chosen university. I don’t think the majority of state schools offer that level of education. Some independent schools do to an extent. I don’t think it’s questioning the education as the issue really, it’s the emotional impact. I mean, is that fantastic education worth a child being impacted negatively for life? As I said in my previous post, some families are between a rock and a hard place like OPs sister sounds she is, but to choose it purely for the education isn’t something I’m comfortable with.

Equally, I think some homeschooled children get this level of education. They are totally focused on and often meet in small groups regularly that must, in some cases, become quite close. They have many of the same benefits if the homeschooling is done well. They also get the benefit of the family.

However, I think one of our main issues in the UK atm is just how much our state schools are struggling, so it’s far less common to receive a brilliant all-rounded education elsewhere. It’s just about whether this takes priority or not - for me, it would always be the emotional security of my children over education.

7 is far too young. It’s emotionally cruel. The child is too young to have any real understanding or say in what is being inflicted on them. By age 11 (at the youngest), they at least have a greater capacity to understand, process and express their own emotions, so are better equipped to deal with it. At 7, even to outsiders, it comes across as an unnatural rejection of instinctive behaviours, imvho, hence most people being appalled by the idea. It’s a premature severing of certain emotional ties.

I always remember the episode of 7Up when dear sensitive little Bruce ( who I met in later life teaching maths at an East London Comp ! ) was sent to a prep school where they filmed entitled little bullies shouting , pushing and kicking at other children to make them line up. And that was what was going on in full view, I dread to think what happened when there were no adults around. It broke my heart to think of it.

It’ll make sense to you the first time your child needs emergency medical attention because most of the doctors and nurses who save your kid’s life will have their own children who are cared for by others while they work.

That was my experience as a young child. It was a government boarding school, and I was bullied at school and after, in the dormitory. Often they would come in the middle of the night .

Absolutely agree , this sums it up for me too , i can't think how anyone ever thought boarding school was a good thing for 7 year olds, can't say i feel easy about it for older kids either.

I think its barbaric and should be illegal.

That said, I don’t think there is a good solution for army kids. Moving home and school every few years is awful for children too. My colleague who did this as a child said she absolutely hated it. It’s hard to keep starting over and all the other kids have settled friends. And then you have to start over somewhere else.

If you homeschool you still have to move and start over. Home schooled kids and mums also have their settled group of friends. Having briefly been in the home school community, it was not warm or welcoming. They are people with busy lives like anyone else and once they have their settled group of friends, they are no more interested in befriending newcomers than anyone else would be.

And homeschooling is a full on commitment. Being homeschooled by someone who is not enthusiastic to do is also a terrible option for the parent and child.

As an aside - I love that the ad the algorithm has chosen for this thread is for Repton.

Anyway, whether a child thrives at boarding school depends on that child’s personality, I think. However, after some of the safeguarding issues which have arisen at some of this country’s most prestigious public schools, I would be reluctant to send my child away - particularly so young.

I would miss my dc too much but I think it's very dependent on the child and school. I begged to go to boarding school as a child - who knows if I'd have liked it in reality but we got the brochure and couldn't afford it.

I know people who went to boarding school. Some loved it and others hated it. The ones who hated it tended to be shy children from poorer families who were subsidised to go to super posh ones. The confident kids who went to more down-to-earth ones seemed to like it.

I wouldn't send any of my sons to a boarding school. I think children at that age should be near their parents but she is her mum, she does what she thinks is best for her child. She might see this as an opportunity for her child to have an excellent education and make upper class friendships ?

Will likely be damaging to send him so young

I went to boarding school at the age of 8 whilst my parents live abroad. It was a huge shock to me but the thing I found the hardest (only realising this as an adult) is the fact that as my parents were a 20 hour flight away, I couldn't go home at half terms or weekend breaks. The onus was on you (the child) to get invited to stay with someone for these breaks or you would have to stay at the school with the matron.
It was hard and something a child shouldn't have to do, to make sure you had friends. This was also in the days before skype, mobile phones, computers were readily available so I wouldn't have contact with my parents for a whole term at a time.
Suffice it to say, my children have not been to boarding school!
Regardless of that I have been married for 25 years, have a good job and home life so do not carry any scars with me but it is a period of time I choose to forget.