Sending 7 year old to boarding school

[Bringonsummer19]

So my daughter is currently away (8) on her first residential trip. She is away from Wednesday through to Friday. I already miss her so much and it got me thinking of my sister who is sending her 7 year old away to boarding school in September. Her husband is in the army so will subsidise the fees and it’s aimed at continuity of education. Nonetheless my sister does not work and therefore could settle with DS (albeit husband would have to commute to army base) and they couldn’t afford private school fees.

im i unreasonable to think that 7 is just too young to be away from home unless there is a really valid reason (eg husband posted to Iran)

I was desperate to go to boarding school as a kid.

Couldn’t send my own kids now though!

‘Enid Blyton novel?’

I went to three boarding schools and not one of them was like an ‘Enid Blyton novel’ lol

The parents need to be really neglectful for boarding school to be a good option. Children learn how to bottle and most wind up emotionally damaged even though they can seem high performing to the outside world. Your sister is not working ! Is she a really shitty parent? Well, if she wants to send her 7-year old to boarding school you don't really have to answer that question. Poor kid.

I was sent to boarding school from the age of 7 till I was 15.

It has affected me all my life, I am now 60. I have been married 3 times and every marriage ended after 7 years. I do not trust anyone and think that everyone is out to hurt me. Boarding school has destroyed me. My advice is don’t do it

Wow, you started at such a young age too. I was 6.. not many people go so young so it’s good to read someone else had a similar childhood.. although I’m sorry you had to go so young.
Boarding school has had a huge affect on my whole life too.. especially around trust.
I’m nearly 50.
Ive recently gone NC with my mother and step father, both oblivious to the harm they caused by sending me to board so they could drink, party and holiday.

As a child our next door neighbours had a child with what we would not call complex special needs.

He went to a special school. Mum was a stay at home mum and dad was in the army.

Dad got a new posting to the outer Hebrides. There was no special school available so the only option was for him to board.

It broke his mother's heart to send him, this was the 70s so the only contact was phone / letter and the child couldn't speak or write.

It was the best thing for him. He learned Makaton and thrived.

I know quite a lot of deaf people and most of them who went to deaf boarding schools found it a positive experience.

A fair few of my colleagues were at boarding school in the UK from the age of 8 - had travelled alone from various countries usually china and south east Asia. As far as I can see they are happy but over independent.
The traditional upper class young boarders went from nanny to matron without ever being looked after by mum (the current king is a classic example as the queen had long international visits when he was a child)

What age did the King go to BS and I wonder if George will go

He went to prep school at year 5 equivalent then to the wilds of gordonstoun year 9

I'm not anti-boarding school - I boarded for a while, as have some of my younger family members, without incident and we all enjoyed the experience.

BUT we were all in our teens efore we went and were quite 'temperamentally suited' to the requirements of boardingschool: sending small children to board is tantamount to child abuse IMO.

Absolutely not at that age. I don’t think it’s right until the child is old enough to voice themselves that they would pick to board. I can see why older/teenage children might benefit from boarding school with its opportunities, however I firmly believe it must be the child’s choice in order for it to be in their best interests.

My dp’s father was sent to boarding school at age 8. To this day you can tell it has affected him. He’s emotionally withdrawn and it’s very difficult to get beneath the surface with him. He hasn’t been able to connect or bond properly with his own children. He’s described a few very sad anecdotes about being a boarder at that age, which he seems completely unfazed by, he mentions them with a smile on his face, in jest, as if the experiences are a normal part of childhood - the rest of us look on in horror, piecing together how those experiences must have caused the issues he has today.

Personally, in your sister’s situation, I would prefer home schooling over boarding for the continuation of education at age 7 (and tbh I would despise having to home school).

She will have a lot of luxurious experiences but she will loose out on so much.
I can't be without my children, even a residential is hard going!

Not all parents share a deep connection with their children and their parenting revolves around what works best for the adults.

All I can say is that private schools are much more flexible than they used to be. Some have day pupils some have flexi-boarding (one or two nights a week or when needed) and some have weekly boarding. Personally, I think 7 is too young but it needn't be the exile with occasional exeats that it used to be.

Go and take your nephew out for tea, be a wondrous auntie. Send him silly notes and texts and treats. Keep in touch.

That's young. I think William went a bit later than that

Someone has been reading too much Enid Blyton.

Someone taught in a private school for 37 years.

Well you should know better then. Not trivialise the fallout suggesting silly notes can sort it.

But I wasn't. I was trying to offer mitigating strategies and there's no reason to be snarky. I wouldn't send a 7 yr. old to boarding school but people do and small things can really help lonely children. Just contact and love and reassurance can all possibly help if need be.

There is every need to pass comment when someone blithely suggests that a few notes and gifts from a concerned auntie can offset the future trauma and emotional incapacity from abandonment of a seven year old by their parents.

I've said very clearly that I wouldn't send a 7 yr old to boarding school. I can't do anything about people's decisions. My adding my opinion on Mumsnet won't sway this child's parents. I am deeply sorry for the child if he doesn't want to go.
I was trying to be helpful.
All I can suggest is that the boy's parents talk to other children who have been through the experience and read up. I think there's a book, Sad little boys or similar. There's a fair amount of bravado amongst boys who've been to public schools so sometimes it's hard to unpick the truth.
The lure of a good education and plenteous sport can sometimes mean people stop thinking about the actual needs of the child.

In order to find out whether boarding school at 8 damaged someone, you need to talk to his long term partner and adult children. My experience is that the damage is not seen by the person it happened to- that is the nature of the damage. Such children grow up, to quote an earlier poster: 'Forced to bury emotions and cope alone to try to fit in with peers' and as a result they can't acknowledge problems or ask for help- they end up emotionally stunted, always in denial as it it the only way to cope with problems when there is no one around who loves you. They are also unable to show weakness and vulnerability. On the surface, highly successful, happy, and resilient, but this comes at a terrible cost.

I think it is telling that George is still at the same school as his younger siblings. I believe they attend as day pupils not boarding.

William and Harry boarded from age 8.

No. Parents posted in the diplomatic service to places where education was not always available/the best. Sometimes dad went, sometimes both. GP nearby to visit/holidays.
People do what they think is best in their own circumstances.

Hated it, from what I recall.