Sending 7 year old to boarding school

[Bringonsummer19]

So my daughter is currently away (8) on her first residential trip. She is away from Wednesday through to Friday. I already miss her so much and it got me thinking of my sister who is sending her 7 year old away to boarding school in September. Her husband is in the army so will subsidise the fees and it’s aimed at continuity of education. Nonetheless my sister does not work and therefore could settle with DS (albeit husband would have to commute to army base) and they couldn’t afford private school fees.

im i unreasonable to think that 7 is just too young to be away from home unless there is a really valid reason (eg husband posted to Iran)

Most other jobs, the other person, doing the child rearing, has a permanent home or base so they can put down roots for them and their DC. There's not the upheaval every year or so.

Sat on the sofa next to my (almost) 7 year old and I cannot imagine for the life of me wanting to send him away and barely see him. So sad!

I'm the first to say that I find parenting really hard work, and don't think I'm really cut out for it.... but I still want my children close to me, even when they're driving me crackers. What a waste of their (already brief!) childhood it would be to spend so much of it apart.

I was a day pupil at a girls boarding school. My friends loved it, I think they were sent from age 8. I was very jealous of them, I had a miserable home life.
However the two men I know who were sent to boarding school absolutely hated it.
I do think girls seem to cope better.
One of my male friends begged not to be sent, he was 7, he’s an alcoholic and I often wonder if his childhood had any bearing on this.

The thing about boarding school is that however good or prestigious it is, your emotional needs are not met, so you grow up emotionally stunted.
When I did The Hoffman Process, a residential therapy for ten days, half the attendees had been to boarding schools.

Equally, I think parents of children who have a certain gift are in a tricky spot. If that’s what the child desperately wants and it’s the only way to pursue that as a career, then it’s something they would consider.**

At age 7??

What’s stopping this family organising a permanent home? The parent in the forces doesn’t need to pay for accommodation where they are posted, so why can’t they pay rent/mortgage/bills like the rest of us, on a permanent home where the wife and children live?

Why would anyone send their young child to boarding school?
Whst's the point of having children if you are going to do that?
I was sent there because my step father hated me and didn't want me brought up with his own children who were bit younger than me. They stayed at home.
All of us left school with emotional problems and went on to be anorexic, alcoholics or prescription drug dependent. I have complex PTSD.
I keep in touch with a good few of them and none are happy balanced people.
We needed our parents not strangers to bring us up.
I have zero contact with my mother now for agreeing to send me away and keep his children at home.

My parents discussed this when I was about 8 or 9. Military, posted every 2 years, fees would have been covered by them for continuity of education. I’m on the fence. They didn’t do it as my mother couldn’t bear to be separated from me, but I bounced around different schools for about 6 years losing friends and becoming something of a loner. Did fine academically.

I’m now a fairly resilient adult who has moved several times for work without a problem, and settled somewhere I love, but my Mum still doesn’t understand why I don’t have a strong connection to where they settled finally and don’t view that as my home. Not sure boarding school would have changed that, but all my friends now are people I’ve met as adults. I don’t have childhood connections.

I think it really depends on the child and the circumstances. I’d ask the child too. At that age, they’ll know if they hate the idea.

DH Father was sent to boarding school at a young age as was my sisters DH, both were very emotionally distant. I always think it may have been something to do with boarding. Also two colleagues also both men and again can’t quite put finger on it but don’t see it as a positive thing.

Tell your SIL to Google ' boarding school syndrome'. So many people emotionally crippled by being sent at 7. I worked with a man who was sent at 7. He said it had caused him to shut down the emotional side of himself completely in order to cope. By the time he realised what he had done, he couldn't switch it back on again.
Very interesting BBC documentary on a while ago. The housemistress of the youngest house was asked if she would send her own children to boarding school at 7 ( she had been a boarder too) . Her comment was an emphatic no.

Did anyone watch that boarding at eight documentary from a few years back? Broke my heart although the schools were just wonderful. The boys were so little. My DH boarded from 12 and loved it. Eight is too young IMO.

No idea where the gif came from 😂

Noone I know looks back at boarding school in a positive way, OP. Loads look at private Ed in a positive way, but as you said there's no support for that.

My ex-boarder friends express how traumatising it was as a child to be left there, most cried and begged not to be left. They find their way, and obviously make friends. But the darker side is a bit too dark. A male friend of mine was sexually abused for years. It's been to court. I recall he said he was 5yo when he was sent to board. He longer talks to his family, he blames them for what happened because there was no need for him to be sent off at that age to fend for himself.

I personally couldn't do this.

It sounds like your sister is worrying about education continuity and sees private school as an opportunity - it is if all goes well.

Continuity of homelife is more important than continuity of education. Maybe you should offer to have her live with you?

Children are only children once. You will never get that time back. Don't get me wrong, there were times as a child that I wanted to be in boarding school, usually when my mum was asking me to clean my room ha! But gosh, the thought of being away and not having the love and attention that every child deserves is just sad.

Completely agree. My dad got sent to famous boarding school at age 7 and its had long lasting negative effects on him. Was an awful experience and he had to take his A levels twice etc as he was so unhappy he failed everything.

This was in the days of faggjng and the cane so thankfully those have gone but the isolation from family has never gone away.

I (F) went to boarding school age 7-11 as parents lived in Far East and they preferred me to go to a British school. It certainly gave me a sense of adventure & independence-flying back and forth as an unaccompanied minor. It suited me, clubs every day after lessons, lots of time for homework as no time wasted travelling to & from school every day. My son went age 8 and again he is incredibly independent, hard working and self reliant. (Now 18.) I completely understand why people feel discomfort at sending young children away but have you actually visited the school yourself & seen the level of care provided? Constant stable environment etc. Currently 6% of children board, yet we seem to have raised a generation who are incapable of critical thought & are addicted to tik Tok....Its easy to knock what you don't know but it's not all bad.

I lived in my home town (villiage) til the age of 24 and also have no connection with it now or have any childhood friend so I don't think moving around necessarily is the reason for this.

Way too young. I would never dream of it. It's something I would have hated as a child and would have felt abandoned

6th form, brilliant idea if the child wants to do it.
13+ ok if the child wants to go although weekly would be preferable to full boarding
11+ flexi boarding. 2 or 3 nights a week, could be ok if the child wants and knows they can always change their mind
7 no bloody way, no need whatsoever unless there are serious SEN which can only be supported in specialist residential care and to do different would have a detrimental effect on them and the family

I think it depends on the child. Sometimes they are better off. My father was sent away to school at age 7. However he was brought up by a nanny anyway. His mother was disinterested and an alcoholic as was his father.

I completely understand why people feel discomfort at sending young children away but have you actually visited the school yourself & seen the level of care provided? Constant stable environment etc. Currently 6% of children board, yet we seem to have raised a generation who are incapable of critical thought & are addicted to tik Tok....Its easy to knock what you don't know but it's not all bad.

Well of course the schools are going to show how caring they are and emphasise how good their provision is, they have a vested interest in getting people through the door. Visiting is hardly going to show the OP the negatives.

It's well documented that children who are sent to board, especially as young children are statistically unlikely to leave without it having a negative impact upon them even if they professed to loving it and this impact is not realised until decades later.

I think it's more complicated than that-IF a child was sexually abused at a boarding school (which is horrific) then they can understandably struggle to tell their parents what happened (especially if they feel the parents made sacrifices to pay the fees.) However I, having been as a child & sent my own child, do think there are some fantastic small nurturing boarding schools. I wonder how many people posting on this thread have any real experience themselves of boarding schools?

All the evidence suggests that at this age it’s hugely psychologically damaging. I can’t fathom why anyone would do it. 11/13 is a different ball game but 7 is just too young. Even children who appear to settle in and like it have to distance themselves from their feelings to cope.

In which country do 6% of children board?