Sending 7 year old to boarding school

[Bringonsummer19]

So my daughter is currently away (8) on her first residential trip. She is away from Wednesday through to Friday. I already miss her so much and it got me thinking of my sister who is sending her 7 year old away to boarding school in September. Her husband is in the army so will subsidise the fees and it’s aimed at continuity of education. Nonetheless my sister does not work and therefore could settle with DS (albeit husband would have to commute to army base) and they couldn’t afford private school fees.

im i unreasonable to think that 7 is just too young to be away from home unless there is a really valid reason (eg husband posted to Iran)

I went to boarding school at 11 - absolutely hated it. Switched schools and then attended a different boarding school from 14 and that was amazing.
I think 7 is way too young.

There’s not really any point in having children if you’re going to ship them off to boarding school for you to rarely ever see and someone else to raise. Poor children.

@Ndhdiwntbsivnwg I do think parents can choose the wrong school. The key is matching personality and talents of DC to the school. It’s good your parents realised you needed to change. Having said that, plenty of DC are in the wrong state schools! Everyone can make a mistake.

I agree with you. 7 is so young and I don’t understand parents who don’t want their kids with them.

I know people have different experiences but my father in law has been deeply effected by his years spent at boarding school.

Sorry but you can’t compare a baby at day nursery albeit a long day to papping a
child off to boarding school when one parent doesn’t work.

I would have loved to go to boarding school my parents were divorced, dad lived in another country and mum had to work to pay bills so we were either with a not very nice child minder when younger or letting ourselves in and sorting our own food etc. I have friends and cousins that went and they all loved it. They have friends all over the world that they ares still in touch with and have such great memories. Granted they didn’t go until 11.

Maybe they think it will help her get a good network which will help her later in life. However, I have known officers to say that the other children's parents wouldn't allow their kids to associate with the army kids as "they were of no use".

My parents are middle class and when I studied it happened more than once that one of my fellow students with rich parents told me straight to my face that as I "wasn't even willing to sleep around, I was of no use". F them! I have a good career and my husband, who has the same kind of background as me, is one of the top guys in his field. I have managed quite well without prostituting myself to those wankers.

There might be a legit reason though. If it was a case of “just because I can” then nah imo that’s a bit cruel. The 7 yo might be excited and consider it an adventure 🤷‍♀️ personally I couldn’t. But I think there’s a lot of factors to consider most of which we don’t know. Too many people quick to mum shame before knowing the facts

I went at 8 as did my brothers. Military family who moved countries a lot. Obviously I have a lot of friends from my school who did the same. I wouldn't say any are damaged. On the contrary we are mostly extremely resilient people who were able to develop a wide range of interests with the additional time for activities at school, many pursued to a very high level, and who are all now with well adjusted families of our own. Tbh I think it depends on the school and on the family.

You might as well say that parents who send their children to day schools are "kicking their children out of their homes" and that the only non cruel way to educate children is to homeschool them.

I wouldn't dream of sending my 7 year old to boarding school.
My dad was in the Army and my mum worked school hours to fit around us if my dad was away. Your sister doesn't work so their is literally no need for her daughter to go to boarding school. Even if they were posted abroad there are schools, we went to fantastic schools in Germany.
Secondary school age going to boarding school I get, but not primary school age.
My husbands also in the army, we have a 4 year old and there is not a chance he'd be going to boarding school.

Awful thing to do.

I had a colleague who was sent to boarding school aged 8 and it traumatised her. She was still suffering from it in her 30s.

Frankly, if she has the sort of mother who can pack her off to boarding school at SEVEN the she might be better off there.
Harsh, but that's how I feel.

They don't take children until they're 8, though maybe the OP's nephew is going to be 8 by September.

I went to three different primary schools in 3 years, add in secondary it's 4 in 5 years.

It was damaging, I don't know if boarding would have been more or less damaging.

I think it depends on the child, the school and the situation.

You could say that but you’d look a muppet.

My DS is currently at a boarding school, in year 12.
He chose to go for 6th form, as it’s a specialist school.

He’s really happy there and tells us that he thinks it was the very best choice for him, as he feels it’s expanded his life experience in a way day school didn’t.
I understand what he means; he has to organise his own laundry, change his bedding, buy things like toiletries, organise himself without us to remind him etc, in addition to just having a life away from our gaze.

All that said, he’s 17, not 7.
The flip side of what he sees as good things, from his perspective, are that we feel there are things we’d like to be more involved in/have more insight into, eg how much work he’s doing, how he’s feeling emotionally etc.
I guess it’s normal for older teens to become more private, but it’s still quite hard not to be able to see him to be able to judge whether there is anything going on which we might need to keep an eye on.

He’s home every 3 weeks and we often go over and see him in between times, plus WhatsApp most days and talk on the phone; he’s old enough to manage all forms of communication, which a 7 year old is perhaps less able to in a useful way.

I miss him hugely, miss everyday involvement with his life - even just cooking his favourite meals etc - and would have been heartbroken if he’d gone any younger.

We were certainly not neglected at no point did I say that and would love to know what kind of mind jumps to that but my mum worked hard so we had the opportunities our friends had for school trips, dance and music lessons on the weekend which she always got us to rather than scrape by. Many of my friends were what was termed as "latch key' kids and let themselves in at home after school as parents worked none of them were neglected. That doesn't mean to say that boarding would have had different benefits that were attractive to me. In the same way we always went to family overseas in the summer holidays as she just did not have that much annual leave to take, we were with cousins playing out in parks and fields having a fabulous time. She missed us desperately phoned and wrote while we were away for the six weeks but it was what she had to do so we had good lives. I also have a friend who lives in the same village as her children's boarding school. They flexi board, she pays for them to be able to stay 4 nights per week, sometimes they stay but other times they prefer to come home. The longer they have been there the more often they stay but they know they can pick up the phone and she will be there in 5 mins to collect them. For the right children boarding school from the age of 11 can be a great experience. 7/8 I do think it a bit young.

I went to boarding school at 11 and it was necessary for continuity of Ed etc. I thrived in many ways but still would not choose it for my kids - too much jeopardy in terms of happiness and emotional development I think.

regarding this specific question - as first year seniors we were put in the junior boarding house so we weren’t bottom of the pile day and night. I remember a little one of this age 6/7, trailing round after us ‘older’ ones always wanting to hold hands. Utterly heartbreaking really that she was so anxious to find a ‘parent’ figure that a 11/12 yr old was the best she could do. I can’t see it as anything but wrong. Knew it then and see it 10 X as clearly now as a parent. Kids need security and love when they are developing and whilst boarding school can deliver a lot it doesn’t give you these.

Most senior boarding schools do not have a junior prep attached. A prep to 13 will have a mix of ages.

YANBU, I have a friend from a military family who was sent at 12 and hated it. Her relationship with her mother never really recovered either.

Judging by the amount of time some people spend posting on MN I must say they cannot be very attentive parents......

I sent my boy to boarding school at the age of 11 because he was a handful and i had no one to help. I told him to give it six months and if he hated it, he could come home. He didn't hate it. He loved it and didn't ask to come home. I don't think I'd do it now, though.