Sending 7 year old to boarding school

[Bringonsummer19]

So my daughter is currently away (8) on her first residential trip. She is away from Wednesday through to Friday. I already miss her so much and it got me thinking of my sister who is sending her 7 year old away to boarding school in September. Her husband is in the army so will subsidise the fees and it’s aimed at continuity of education. Nonetheless my sister does not work and therefore could settle with DS (albeit husband would have to commute to army base) and they couldn’t afford private school fees.

im i unreasonable to think that 7 is just too young to be away from home unless there is a really valid reason (eg husband posted to Iran)

You are soooooo missing the point...as usual.

It is really sad that you think this. Children are not raised at home 'to give their parents something to do'. It's called parenting. It's a verb and involves some active effort. Obviously, if your children are at boarding school all week or for weeks on end, you are not doing much parenting and, arguably, someone else is raising your kids.

Yes and raising them to be adults means taking an active role in bringing them up and not outsourcing the arguments over home work to a school.

As another poster rightly says - parenting is a verb.

Also children should be children - not forced to become little resilient adults at 7.

The process doesn't matter, it's the outcome that matters. Plenty of children raised at home grow up to be utterly incapable adults. Plenty of children who go to boarding school grow up to be some of the best people in society. There is no right or wrong answer.

Of course you are a parent if Dc board. They need guidance and love and they get it! Your values are of course important. Your efforts at parenting always matter. Just not every day, but overall. You guide your Dc like everyone else. As boarding terms are short you do “parent”. It’s like any other job, part time is just fine.

Plus there are many families where both parents have demanding jobs. Why should they not have some help? Do we want women to succeed in business or not? Many DC see little of working parents. No one worries about that. Nannies do the parenting.

You're missing the point tho of why most people have kids.
A couple, newly married, doesn't sit down and say gosh, what the world needs in 2 decades is a responsible adult. Let's make us an adult. And then focus the next two decades on purely making a "good humans". Oh little Jessica doesn't need to go to the park, she just needs fresh air and exercise. Put her treadmill in the garden.

No you don't. You part-time parent to suit you. You choose the best bits. Stop dressing it up.

It’s like any other job, part time is just fine.

@TizerorFizz no it absolutely is not just fine. Parenting is full-time, if you are committed and doing it properly. This is sickening.

Being a parent isn’t a job. Part time isn’t fine.

Many people have kids for the wrong reasons. Kids are cute little babies or toddlers for a year or two. Children who like going to the park with mum or dad for a few years. They're adults for 60 or 70 years or more. Concentrate on how they will fare for the bulk of their lives, especially after you are gone. Rather than romanticising childhood.

I think sending a 7yo to boarding school (unless there are extenuating circumstances such as severe SEN or boarding school is a better option than an abusive home) is cruel and sickening.

In fact I think that for any age child, it's just wrong.

It's axiomatic that if your children are at boarding school you will be spending less time with them than if they are not. Of course they will still be imbued with your values, but they will also be imbued with the values of the school and their peers who they are spending more time with. If you're happy with that, crack on, but don't try and pretend you will have as much influence over your children as someone who sees them every day. That just flies in the face of logic.

And yes the process does matter, because obviously it affects the outcome! If you send children away to board in order to avoid dealing with the bits of parenting you don't fancy, then someone else is going to fill that gap for you.

I was a housemistress at a boarding school although this was for year 7 up. My experience is that the majority of the children enjoyed boarding. They always had friends to hang out with and weekends were filled with fun activities - swimming, ice skating, cookery, cinema trips etc. I found that boys settled more easily than girls - I suspect that the majority of girls would rather have been at home but made the most of what boarding offered nonetheless. Strangely, my sister was a house parent at a small independent school that took children as young as 8. She was lovely with them - very motherly but always said she would never send her own children into boarding.

@thing47 You can do both. I respected my DC enough to know they would have friends with similar values to theirs. They still do as adults. The school also had similar values or we wouldn’t have considered it. It’s actually easier to filter out the troublemakers at boarding school. There’s very few of them.

I am not convinced parents have all the power anyway. If they did, our prisons would be empty. Our Children’s services and police would have far less work to do. I was happy to share the load and there’s no obvious diminution in outcomes. In fact, in comparison to some parents, I’ve spent loads of time with Dc as I didn’t work much! we had very long holidays.

Many people seem ok about kids going at secondary. But I would feel like I had failed if my kids wanted to board at y7, y9 etc. I would wonder what had gone wrong.

I know my kids were privileged to have a happy home life, and living in London they had lots of stuff going on to do with friends, and lots of independence due to great public transport.

Y7 is still too young in my view and I would look what I had done wrong if my 11/12 year old wanted to leave home.

For heavens sake! What parent is in class with DC anyway? Or at lunch with them? Or walking home with them? Of course DDs knew who to avoid. Do you think they are stupid? Also, so many day DC latch onto the wrong type of Dc. Easy to do. Many are easily led astray, and are. Why anyone thinks boarding schools are worse is beyond me. I actually trusted my DDs. I obviously talked to them!

It’s actually easier to filter out the troublemakers at boarding school. There’s very few of them.

@TizerorFizz this is absolute delusion and perfectly demonstrates your remoteness from your own DC's education.

A private day school finishes at 9pm every night? Really? That seems unlikely

But actually you’d do better starting your own thread as a Year 9 is quite different

Yes, really. The majority of places are 'home boarding' and the school day finishes between 8.15-9pm. The advantage is that they are fed and do prep at school but to me it sounds pretty exhausting.

You would do better to start your own thread though as then you’ll have people with teenagers responding.

Will do, point taken. Apologies